[QueeTheBean]

My sister recently adopted a 3 year old boy from China. I am assuming that he is not circumcised, but am not sure. I want to talk to my sister about making a choice not to circumcise . . . DH thinks that I need to stay out of it. Anyone have any experience with this?

 

[RedOakMomma]

I think you and your husband have a point. It's not something, I believe, that's appropriate to push. On the other hand, making a couple of positive comments about the choice not to circumcise isn't inappropriate AND if she decides to discuss the issue with you then I think you'd have every right to talk about your feelings and opinions on the matter. I belong to a chat board for adoptive parents of Korean kids, where most boys come home uncirced, and it's been great to see the number of parents who have decided NOT to circ after seeing discussions about it in the forum.

In the end, though, it's their choice. I've had friends that have chosen to circ, and while I don't really understand it...I still think the're fantastic parents and good friends. Sometimes I think people make circ/no circ too much of an issue, and that turns potentially no-circ'ing people off. Tread lightly.

 

[QueeTheBean]

No--I would never ever push--I just always like to let people know they don't HAVE to circ. This is because we did circ. my older son

, but not my younger son. I just didn't know any better at the time . . but I am glad I was more educated the 2nd time around.

Thanks for your input!

 

[harmonyhobbit]

I'd have an open discussion about it. Ask her if she's given it any thought, and see where the convo goes. So often, we don't question our own cultural practices, until it's brought to our attention. Most Asian babies are ECed, most orpans are potty trained, but their adoptive parents put them back into diapers because they just don't know any other way. Babies=diapers in our society.

 

[Polliwog]

I've been on lists with lots of adoptive parents over the years and have never heard of an adoptive parent knowing a child uses the toilet and puts them back in diapers. Have you?

 

[mamadebug]

Quote:

Originally Posted by BethNC I've been on lists with lots of adoptive parents over the years and have never heard of an adoptive parent knowing a child uses the toilet and puts them back in diapers. Have you?

It sounds really odd, but I have heard of this, too. I know a woman who is a pediatrician and has had more than one patient who was an internationally adopted older baby/toddler who was already potty trained - and the parents put them back in diapers when they got home. She advised against it. Some did it more out of ignorance - because they thought it was just how babies were supposed to be cared for and didn't really get how it could possibly really work. Some did it with more intent behind it - because they thought the early potty training had caused the child to grow up too fast, put pressure on it as a baby and wanted to give them the chance to "really be a baby".

I also remember a conversation I had with this same pediatrician about two recently adopted boys (now brothers) who were 2 and 4, and had just come home. Their parents decided to have them circumcised. Although she could see both sides of the argument of circumcising/not circumcising for newborns, she felt pretty strongly about not circumcising older children. Her reasoning was that they came with a certain body, and to change that body once they were old enough to recognize that it had been changed when they became a part of a new family, would send the message that their body was not all right to begin with. I know it can be a really uncomfortable subject to talk about. I hope it goes OK.