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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm just wondering what folks' thoughts are on how often contact with siblings and family members should be to maintain attachment and relationship?<br><br>
My nieces are 3 and 4 and both love to talk with their siblings, aunt, and nanny over the webcam. (Phone calls with mom--who is the reason they're not at home--are harder for them and we can't really control how often they happen right now anyway because she's in intake right now. We talked a few days ago, probably won't for another month!)<br><br>
How often is enough? Is there a too often? I know that talking to their siblings raises their emotional stress level, but (a) it also seems important, (b) they really miss their family, and (c) they LOVE to share their most recent songs, games, etc with their doting older siblings. Organizing the calls is a little tricky and I'm wondering if we aren't doing it as often as might be good.<br><br>
We only talk for 15 minutes or so at a time anyway, but if we talked weekly, on a particular day, then the girls could rely on that. But--even if they love to do this, is weekly too much for their emotional systems to process as we also try to help them feel at home and stable here?
 

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I think weekly sounds perfect. I would set a day and time (if family members can do that) and make it a small but important weekly event. The predictability and stability of a scheduled time might let the "visits" go smoothly, and the aftermath be more gentle, if they can count on it happening again next week. It also might help with homesickness if they can look forward to "Saturday evening" rather than the vague "next time we talk with them".<br><br>
Best to you all!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up">
 

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I find that weekly works with my DD and her deployed Dad - it's not too often and it's expected so the stress/sadness from it is not as much as when it happens every other day and she is constantly reminded of the distance.
 

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I'd go with once or twice a week at a regular time. How far away are the siblings? Are they able to physically see each other?
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
No--we can't see them. We're a three day drive and a too much money plane flight away. We thought about going there for Christmas, but I am NOT putting them back on a plane to come here!!! Last time they knew they were coming here to live for awhile and that they'd go to preschool and they had pictures of their room, etc, etc, but they didn't know, know. Not in their bones know about what it would feel like. They hugged their momma goodbye and marched onto the plane on their grand adventure. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> It was only later that they really knew how much this was going to hurt. Sigh. We could probably figure out how to afford a Christmas visit, but I think my heart would break as we left again and they bawled with grief.
 

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That's really tough <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> It's great you have the video cam for them so they can see one another that way.
 

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I just looked at your other post for some background information. I'd definately look for a play therapist for both of the kids. This is a lot to deal with and the sessions might be really helpful for them. Do they have insurance- because of their status of informal fostercare they may be able to get on your state medicaid to help cover the cost of therapy. It sounds like you and your partner are doing a great job thus far
 
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