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So I've moved out and we have a temporary custody arrangement going right now. I agreed to "free access",and I explained it as, if the kids want to visit the other parent, or talk on the phone to them, of course they may.

Well, exh is abusing this, imo. He calls three times a day when the kids are here.(they don't call him, the practically don't have the chance to!) And then HE asks them to come over to visit him. He is a really controlling mean person, so I don't think the kids really have the guts yet to say they don't want to go. So they go, and spend a lot of "my " time with him.

What does free access mean to you, and do I just bring this up with the mediator or what? It's making me angry and stressed, I feel like he's abusing the spirit of the whole thing. And we've not had the chance to get a routine of our own going, with what I see as his interference.
 

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It sounds like a difficult situation.
I have always had a "free access" kind of visitation -- and, my X of course, does NOT take advantage of it.
I think it can work well if it works for both parents & for the kids as well. If it's disruptive to the kids, I think a schedule would be better (with the understanding that if any extra time works for everyone, it can still happen). A schedule to me, can be very flexible too, but also gives general guidelines & boundaries that everyone is comfortable with.
It's a tough one though.
I never wanted to be the one to "limit" their access, yet if it wasn't working for any of us, I guess I'd have to do something to make it work better.
I don't think I've offered any help -- just know I care.
Good luck.
 
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