friend issue

658 Views 5 Replies 4 Participants Last post by lab, Jun 9, 2004

witch's mom

Discussion Starter · Jun 9, 2004

We just got word that our 4-year-old DD, who starts kindergarten this August, will be in the same class (afternoons) as our 4-year-old neighbor girl. The girls are friends, and they play together almost every day. The neighbor girl is a very talkative, domineering child and I'm not always crazy about DD's behavior when she spends lots and lots of time with this child. Since this child moved in next door (six months ago), I've had more and more "opportunities" to have long talks with little DD about what's appropriate social behavior. In a way, it has forced me to be a better, more communicative parent, but I'm not sure it's for the right reasons!

Anyway, these girls will be in kindergarten together for three hours a day.The neighbor girl also tends to want little DD all to herself, so I'm worried about how this will play out at recess.

I'm planning to institute a no-schoolday playdate rule (we have that for older DD Monday through Thursday during the school year). I'm thinking I also will make the kindergarten teacher aware of my too-much-togetherness concern. Does anyone else have any great ideas for me?

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boycrazy

· #2 · Jun 9, 2004

Can you switch classes? I chose the school and the teacher

We have to advocate for our kids. I would talk to the principal and teacher about your concerns, I've done this in preschool and the teacher would try and steer a certain child away from ds so that he could make new friends. I would just be honest.

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witch's mom

Discussion Starter · #3 · Jun 9, 2004

No, we won't switch. I actually asked if that was a possibility, and was told that the morning class is completely filled with kids who need after-school care (which isn't available to afternoon kindergartners). As a working parent who once fretted about child care, I can't in good conscience argue to displace one of them because of a social issue.

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Evan&Anna's_Mom

· #4 · Jun 9, 2004

I'm not sure if I would worry about this too much. After all, I'm sure there will be lots of other children in the class and both girls will probably find playmates that are agreeable to them. And many children who are more assertive outside of school have a different personality in the classroom. Once the school year has settled down (say, a month or two), take a look and see if your still feel concerned about how things are going. If you are, deal with it then. But why borrow trouble that hasn't happened yet?

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witch's mom

Discussion Starter · #5 · Jun 9, 2004

Thank you both for your replies. I actually have calmed down considerably about this since we got the news yesterday and am actually beginning to see the benefits of the situation. It will be comforting for my DD to have a friend at her side those first days of school and we really are thrilled with the class time from a scheduling standpoint. The neighbor mom and I talk regularly and communicate pretty honestly about our DDs' relationship, so I'm pretty confident we'll be able to work smoothly through any issues that might come up.

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lab

· #6 · Jun 9, 2004

I've been in that situation and it can get bad fairly quickly.

I would just keep an eagle eye on it - which I'm sure you'll do.

Also, you should read Odd Girl Out. It goes into great detail about your neighbor's dd and what type personality she has. In social settings, personalities like your neighbor's dd, only get more controlling and more demanding.

I completely understand your reluctance to step in, and I don't blame you. But as a head's up - you may have step in later and involve the teacher. I did and it worked beautifully!

Good Luck!

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