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Hello,<br>
My almost 10 yr old dd has had a friend for the last three years who can turn quite unkind at any time. She is often dd's bestfriend, they play together every recess, sit together at every free moment, etc. The problem is that this girl holds on extremely tight to whoever her current "BF" is. Then when she is done with them, she completely turns on the old BF when she moves onto a new one. My daughter has been turned on twice by this girl now in the last 2 years and feels very hurt. We have had many discussions on how this girl doesn't know how to be a true friend, etc. but she is still hurting and I am thinking about it way too much. I used to be friends with her mother and I tried to discuss the situation with her, as did another mother whose dd has a similar problem with her, but she takes no responsibilty for her dd's actions. She says she is not getting involved, she wants her dd to make her own decisions when it comes to friends. We are in a very small, private school community with only 22 kids in their class.<br>
Has anyone been through a similar situation? Any tips would be greatly appreciated.
 

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I haven't been in that situation, but I do know how sad it is when my own kids struggle in friendships, or are left out-I'm so sorry you're going through this.
 

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my dd goes through this too, I can't stand it. It's so sad.<br><br>
8(
 

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I had a friend like this for 8 years throughout high school and middle school and being in high school made it even worse as girls can be so mean during this time. The only thing that made it stop was that I stopped talking to the girl and told her how I was just sick of how she treated me.<br><br>
I understand since your DD is 10, what I mentioned above probably won't be a solution for you guys. When I was younger before I knew how to handle it my mom always told me that she didn't do this because of me, that the other girl was the one with problems and at the time that really helped me.
 

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DD (13 now) got burned a couple times. Admittedly though some of it she brought on herself. She had a very bad year when she was 10. What changed for her is she widened her circle of friends a little, and understand it took a year to fully get to that point. I can't she did it knowingly either. She might have but I don't know. She also got friends outside of school that were/are connected to outside activities. Her class is small- maybe 11 girls in it. Now I think dd is on good footing with them all... or at least not bad footing. So I guess my advice would be to try to get you dd to widen her circle of friends and see if there are any groups outside or within the school she can join.
 

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Some girls! They can be so catty. I read the book Queen Bees and Wannabees and that helped me to guide my almost 14 y/o dd through the middle school years. The same author also wrote a book about the parents of these children - Kingpin Dads and .... (sorry the name escapes me)<br><br>
My advice to my dd was and still is: Be friendly with everyone (follow the golden rule) Be friends with a few - those with who you have common interests. Be best friends with those who have earned that right. This takes time. You spend more time with your bf's but that's because as you got to know them, they showed they were trustworthy and loyal. You spend less time with the people you are just friendly with.<br><br>
Also you share less information with the aquaintances than you would with your bf's.<br><br>
It's hard to see our dd's hurt. I've been there. But in the long run, with good counsel and support from you, they'll be the better person.
 

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I think the only thing you can really do is support your DD when she's hurting. Reasure her that she's done nothing wrong, and it's 100% the other girl's issue. Helping her to expand her circle of friends would also be helpful, though that will take a while to implement.
 

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I try and teach about BOUNDARIES. I find that my dauhter has to learn. I support and eourage her but ultimately she chooses and I have seen growt in this area. I wil saystuff like, "Do you want to make this choice kowing _ is unreliale?" It is hard to see them grow through these phases but they do grow. My daughter is now 14. Sallie
 

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That is very typical 10 yo girl stuff, unfortunately. All you can do is give your daughter the advice and encouragement that the pps mentioned. Moms can't really get involved at this age. Moms talking to moms about girls' social squabbles make them worse (unless there is something way over the line), and girls do need to learn to deal with this mess, even though it is hurtful and unfair.
 

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DSD had a "friend" like this fo when she was in 5th and 6th grade and then the first two months of the 7th grade.<br><br>
It was awful, that kid will get angry with DSD and will not speak to her for weeks, just becuase she couldn't go to he house and she had to cancel and things like that.<br><br>
They are not friends anymore, now DSD meet her BF in 7th grade, and she expanded her circle of friends in 8th grade when 5 new girls entered her school, they go together everywhere, they are like sisters, but it's no nice to see DSD like this. Oh and she also be friended two girls from a lower grade.<br><br>
Just tell her that is not her fault, it's hard, so see them suffering.
 
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