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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
<p>This is a very long story, so I'll keep it as short as I can. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Background:</p>
<p>I have maintained a friendship for roughly 6 years.  Things started getting weird when our kids were born 3 years ago.  There seemed to be lots of competition.  We both tried to work at the relationship, but things were complicated by a mutual friend who seemed to like to feed the fire.  It finally came to a head over this past year, when I was filled with sadness over not being able to have another baby, and my friend got pregnant.  Because of intervention from our mutual friend, she decided not to tell me about the pregnancy; the mutual friend accidentally-on-purpose spilled the beans instead.  Things really unraveled from there, and my friend and I haven't spoken since May.  The mutual friend is still friends with both of us.  I have lots of great memories of this friendship and our children were quite close for awhile there.</p>
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<p>It's probably best that this friendship has mellowed out... we were very competitive, we let the mutual friend influence our emotions toward each other, my friend didn't seem to feel very secure around me, and the way I was feeling about pregnancy and life in general really didn't help the situation.  I think the relationship is beyond repair and I've also stepped far, far back from the mutual friend as well, after seeing what this person did to influence the situation.</p>
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<p>The question:</p>
<p>It seems like the friendship is over, since there has been no communication since May.  However, this person is going to have a baby soon and some part of me wants to honor our past friendship through some sort of gesture of support, like sending a gift or card.  Would this be appropriate, or should I just walk away?</p>
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<p>Thanks for your time.</p>
<p> </p>
 

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<p>It sounds like you still care for her... if you care for somebody it should be a good thing to tell them so. Too bad, it sounds like your ornery friend split you up and got to keep you both.</p>
 

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<p>Things may have ended sourly, but this friendship was important to you for several years. I think it would be perfectly fine to send a card or gift for the baby. Who knows? It may open the door to future communication.</p>
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Buzzer Beater</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1285510/friendship-advice-needed#post_16117281"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>It sounds like you still care for her... if you care for somebody it should be a good thing to tell them so. Too bad, it sounds like your ornery friend split you up and got to keep you both.</p>
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<br><br><p>I do still think about her, but at the same time I am still pretty upset about what happened.  Yes, the other friend got both kids in the divorce. ;-)  This taught me a lot about how to handle relationships.</p>
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<p>Thanks for the replies... maybe I'll send over a little something in January.</p>
 

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<p>Honoring the arrival of a new baby is never wrong. </p>
 

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<p>I went through something similar with an old friend recently. She and I stopped speaking entirely but I wanted her to know I did feel happy for her and her baby...so I made  a gift basket and left it on her doorstep. It worked out well for us, we rekindled our friendship and so far the competetiveness has ended.</p>
<p>I think sending a card or gift would be lovely.</p>
 

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OP, what happened?
 
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