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I am happily married to a very involved father. There have been countless times that I have though "I don't know how single mamas do it." And I honestly don't. By the end of the day, I'm so happy/relieved to have my dh at home with us. I don't think I could do it by myself. Parenting is such hard work and whatever your situation/reason for being a single mama, I just wanted to say
: to all you single mamas.
 

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I hear what you are saying from lots of my friends but to be truthful I have always been alone so I do not know it any other way. Some days were hard when my daughter was younger but it's pretty good now. I have never regretted raising her alone. There are so many others that are in relationships with the father of their children and are living a life of hell.
Ok... where in NB are you from. I live in Maine but am originally from NB.
 

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We just do it.

To be honest, it's been easier for me being a single parent. I spent most of my married parenting days waiting for him to come home and help, which never really happened. I'd feel let down, disappointed, etc. I still needed the break, but often, I'd end up in a fight, or upset waiting for someone who came home late & exhausted and I continued to do the parenting alone & it totally sucked.

I also know that I totally relied on my husband to do many things outside the home. I didn't think I could do anything alone (especially when our oldest was very sick for 2 years) and I didn't think (nor did he) that I could possibly do it all by myself. But, I can and I do and I love it.

I am a much better parent because I focus on the moment to moment instead of waiting for the "rescue" at the end of the day. I enjoy everything more. I realized I can do a lot more than I gave myself credit for and I am more independent, happy & free.

It is tough sometimes. Especially when one or all of us is sick and the first year with a newborn is nothing more than a blur, but overall, I'm a better parent single than I ever was married.

Thanks for the acknowledgement.
 

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Yeah maybe an ideal partner would be help, but my husband was more work for me and now that I am on my own I realize how much more work he was. Plus now he is starting to take the kids so I actually get breaks where they are not at home and it feels like a true break.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by abac
Wow, if being single is easier, I hate to think what it must have been like with a partner. You really are super mamas.
Thanks, abac . Now, I've only EVER been a single mom, so I can't directly compare the situation of partenered vs not. But from all the problems I see my (happily) partnered mom friends having, it's really a matter of numbers:

Two person families (two adults pre-kids, or one adult plus one kid) are generally just easier than three, or four. I remember how much weekend hiking and travelling, and even weeknight concerts and walks and fun I had when I was married (pre-parenting). Lots of couples have that. Well, then a kid comes along and it's more difficult to match three people's preferences, moods, schedules, stuff -- so you adventure less, or so it seems from my friends (and they do even less with two kids). Well, in my two-person family, we still have the ability for all those weekend trips, and weeknight concerts and beach walks; it's still easy to match two people's needs. (And wants -- she may not WANT my company as a teenager!) So while single parenting may be more tiring, and lonely in some ways, and downright sucky when the whole family has the flu, we get to DO more, keep up our adventures. It's easier in that sense, regardless of how good or bad your adult partner was. See?

Anyway, that's my two cents, FWIW. Others may disagree, but the most important thing is that everyone in MY family thinks theirs is the very best kind of family to be in. I hope and assume everyone in your family, abac , similarly feels that theirs is the best.
 

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Thanks mama, that makes me feel good to hear. It's not often that us single mams get praise for what we do. For me, being a single mama is easier in some ways and harder in others. Not getting a break can be stressful sometimes, but you find ways to deal with it. For me, when I was married , it was like I was a single mama anyway and I was made to feel guilty for ever wanting a break. My ex would make comments about me not being a good mother because I needed a few mins to myself to do things like shower or go food shopping alone. Now I don't have to deal with that and it feels like a tremendous weight is lifted.

Knowing that my son and I don't have to listen to constant yelling and anger makes me feel good about what I do.

Thanks again mama
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by abac
Wow, if being single is easier, I hate to think what it must have been like with a partner. You really are super mamas.
Parenting in an abusive marriage was like having 4 children instead of 3. I had somebody sabatoging my efforts, and interfering with me accepting help from others (such as my parents.)

Parenting in a "bad- but not abusive" marriage also sucked. He didn't sabatoge my efforts, but he didn't help or support me (emotionally) either. Yes, he supported me financially, but he still does (child support payments.) I was often frustrated and angry with him for not meeting my "grown up needs." As a single mama, I meet my own needs without guilt.
 

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It's funny to read what you said abac.

I have always been an independent minded woman, and, although my husband is very supportive and involved, for the most part, I do fantasize about the ease of not having him around sometimes. More work, yes. But I get to make all the rules and parent and keep the house my way.
 

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Like Seasons, I've only ever been a single mama so I don't have a basis of comparison for life with vs. without a parenting partner. As hard as single parenting is at times (it is certainly the hardest thing I've ever done), I don't know how I'd parent DD like I want to if I had to incorporate a partner into the equation, too. I know there's no quantity limit on love, but there is on time and energy (at least for me anyway!). I can't imagine how I'd keep a marriage alive and growing, be the kind of wife/partner I would want to be, be the kind of mama I want to be, pursue my career, and ever have a minute to call my own.

That being said, I certainly wouldn't object if someone wanted to relieve me of dinner/bath duties every now and then...
 

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I'm an always-single mama. I like most of it, but I think being married would have made the financial part easier - I've been committed to staying home home with my daughter as much as possible, so we get by but with another paycheck our standard of living would go way up - and, um, sometimes the ol' vibrator isn't quite enough, and the logistics of setting up man-interludes are trickier when you're single.

So, I miss the penis and the paycheck, the rest I can do without...

Dar
 

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a lot of my sentiments have already been covered here. i was married but in all intents and purposes i was single. and once i did become single wow what a relief. i do miss not having someone to brag to but thats ok.

i dont know how one is more difficult. it is all in the mind. how one looks at it. the bad part of my marriage was much more harder than being single.

honestly if won the lottery and was financially secure for life i would adopt a couple more kids and carry on being single. i would much prefer a close group of friends to a wishy washy partner. but if an ideal man came my way i would take my time but i wouldnt say no. but i dont long for him. i long mostly to spend more time with my dd, long for more children and financial security. and close friends.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by L.J.
We just do it.

To be honest, it's been easier for me being a single parent. I spent most of my married parenting days waiting for him to come home and help, which never really happened. I'd feel let down, disappointed, etc. I still needed the break, but often, I'd end up in a fight, or upset waiting for someone who came home late & exhausted and I continued to do the parenting alone & it totally sucked.
OMG

That's where I am right now. Exactly. Hence my checking out this forum...

~Daednu
 
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