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Discussion Starter #1
I've been in denial that I may have PPD, but there's something not right and I think I have to face it as a possibility, so I'd love some insight because I'm so scared of what I am right now.<br><br>
My DS is 2, DD is 7 months. Both births were great, DD's was amazing: it was a spiritual experience for me. Intense but painless. She was born at home in the water with midwives who basically just caught her. It was so beautiful and I was on a high for months.<br>
I have two wonderful children. I really am blessed and I love them tremendously. I've never ever had any wish or thoughts of hurting them... in fact, I'm extremely anxious that something might happen to them.<br>
I'm finding it tough to fall asleep at night because my mind is racing all the time about horrible things that might happen. I stay up listening in case someone is going to break in and hurt them, or in case there's a fire... I check and re-check the carbon monoxide alarm because I'm terrified it's not working and we'll die in our sleep. Then I get to thinking about illnesses, diseases, vax reactions... I freak if one of them bumps their head or gets a fever because I'm scared they're really ill/hurt. I can't sleep unless I'm sure they're okay. Even then I check they're breathing at night.<br><br>
Also, my personality has changed. I used to be so mellow. Now I get overwhelmed if they both cry at once or if one is fussy, I take it out on DH and scream at him in frustration. DS woke up crying from his nap the other day and cried for half an hour and I actually handed him off to DH, ran to my room, slammed the door and was banging my head against the wall. The whole time I was thinking "this isn't normal. normal mothers don't do this." I scream, I cry, I slam doors. Or I eat.<br>
I'm an emotional eater and have gained 100 lbs over the past 3 years. I weigh more at 7 months pp than I did at 40 weeks pregnant with DD. I don't leave the house because none of my clothes fit and I'm self-conscious about being obese. Then I feel guilty that we barely leave the house at all. I make playdates and appointments, then I get too anxious and bail.<br><br>
I've had anxiety issues in the past: I had crippling panic attacks that turned into agoraphobia when I was in university. I dropped out, moved home, simplified my life and I thought I had it beat. I guess I just stuffed it away.<br>
Can anybody help me?
 

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Yes, that can definitely be PPD. I wonder, actually, from my own and other's experiences I know about if it's more common for PPD after a 2nd child to be high level of anxiety/quick to anger. In any case, yes, PPD can manifest like this. I found therapy very very helpful. I did light therapy as well, but didn't have to do medicine. Others have had good luck with meds. I would find a therapist and go from there.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
Thank you. I'll be contacting our family doctor Monday for an appointment.
 

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Just wanted to offer a virtual <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> and hope that things went well for you at your doctor's appointment.<br><br>
I am actually seeing a psychiatrist now for my ongoing depression and PPD (gets worse about 2-3 months after birth for me) that was recommended by my midwives. I take medicine, and feel that in my case, being more stable, not depressed all the time, and better able to function as a mama outweighs any small amount of the meds that go through my breastmilk (of course I am taking ones that have been studied and no bad effects known).<br><br>
I am finding too that if I can actually get my butt in gear and get out with the dog and baby (and other two if they are not at school), and even just walk around the block or to the park, it helps a lot. Burns a few calories, exercise ups the mood, and the sunshine also helps the mood. Having a dog is great motivation for that...always somebody willing to go with me. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"><br><br>
I hope things get better for you soon with whatever route (therapy, meds, etc.) you end up taking.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
Thanks everyone.<br>
I saw the family Dr. today. She's started me on Celexa, is seeing me every 2 weeks until I'm feeling better, and referring me to a community therapy program.<br>
Hopefully things can only go up from here <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 
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