You don't "owe" her anything. Everything she has promised has not been delivered and it is not fair to you. She is being selfish. You have tried everything that you can. You have gone to her, you have made time for her, and you have planned around her. I would not want that type of stress around me while I was in labor. She is making everything about herself and I would not want her "stealing" my birth either. To not even care that she had you upset is very wrong of her. I would call her right after the baby came and if she asks why you didn't call sooner tell her you thought that she was too busy. She is isn't she...so it's honest.
I agree. I would wait and tell her after the baby was born.<br><br>
I see it as a way to shield yourself from even more stress right now at a time when more stress is the last thing you need. You have to protect yourself and your baby. If you still want to be more upfront with her, you can always do it (much) later, when you are not so vulnerable. Particularly if this behavior continues.<br><br>
I have problems with my SIL (nothing like what you are experiencing) and I have not hesitated to ask my MIL to make calls to SIL for me to pass along information, like when Amalie died, just because SIL is so prone to saying stupid, hurtful, insensitive things and I don't need to hear them anymore. Again, I see it as protecting myself, not being passive agressive or running away from the problem. FWIW, my therapist agreed with me.
I agree with everyone and just want to add -- sounds like she is just someone you cannot count on to be there for you or a stable person in your life. I wouldn't plan anything around her or consult her when you are making plans in the future.
I would wait and see how you feel when you are in labor. You might find yourself wishing she were with you, or you might be glad she's no where near. But don't do or say anything now that will burn any bridges. She <i>is</i> your sister after all. Sounds like maybe she's going through a rough time...? Maybe she's jealous that it's your turn for attention??
My dad is a lot like this. It sucked big time while I was growing up. I realized after my wedding that my expectations of him are no longer very high. He promises things or offers things and I just say "that'd be great" and then I don't depend on it. If it's something I need that he says he's going to get me, I give him a time limit and then get it myself or I get it myself and save the receipt.<br><br>
Since I got pregnant I waited quite a while before I told him, and since then he hasn't offered to buy the baby (the first grandchild) ANYTHING. I'm waiting. Maybe a couple of days. We'll see. With your sister, the decision is entirely up to you, but I think it would be much less emotional stress on you if you waited. You might miss her, but having her there and unsupportive would be much worse.
Life experiences and our lives change that it changes who we are and how we cope with things.<br><br>
Its not always fair but that is how life goes.<br><br>
It is okay to mourn what you once had with your sister but you can't always get what you once had. Maybe in the future when her life calms down a bit maybe things will be different then.<br><br>
This is now and you know that you can't rely on her, so I don't think that you should.<br><br>
Personally I wouldn't tell her beforehand that you don't want her to be at your labour. It would just cause too much stress in your life.<br><br>
Just tell her after you had your baby and if she happens to say something just say that it happened too quickly or some other excuse like you only wanted your DH with you at the time.<br><br>
If she gets upset with it, either walk away without arguing or if its on the phone tell her to stop being rude and hang up on her and let her calm down.<br><br>
You can't reason with someone who is being unreasonable.
I think the OP gave you some good wisdom and I'd don't have much to add. But I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry, that's got to be really hard. I am close to my sister too, and I would feel the same way if something changed like that between us.
I agree w/ just not saying anything, you don't need the added stress. My opinion is having someone that you have resentful feelings towards at your birth will slow the birth down, it would hinder progress. Especially if she acts they way she did when you were hyperventilating or when you called her stressed about GD!!!! That would be very negative to have at the birthing and I wouldn't take the risk!<br>
IF she changes her attitude before the time comes, you can always change your mind about her being present. If you do tell her ahead of time, it would cause friction and then you couldn't change what had already been said.
i wouldn't want her at the birth. too stressful. doesn't seem like the kind of energy you would want in the room with you. waiting to tell her will just make you tense. i'm a non-confrontational person so i can see why you wouldn't want to be upfront with her so i would tell her something subtle like you and your dh decided to be alone or you would prefer if she was outside taking care of stuff or your dr. suggested she not come or some other lame excuse to make it not so harsh. meanwhile, i also agree it would be best to start releasing yourself of "needing" her. it is sad to let go of your sister, but as with anyone in your life, you need to weed out those that cause drama, negativity, stress, etc. for you and embrace those that are positive forces in your life.<br><br>