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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I am having troubles lately. I used to be VERY involved in my local LLL group when I had my daughter (I worked FT but took her to work with me then stayed home with her for a while then worked PT and brought her to be babysat at my work). Since having my son in July I have been working FT since October to make ends meet in our household.<br><br>
I am feeling like I am not the "ideal" breastfeeding mom because I don't try all that I can to stay home (believe me we have worked it out on paper I just can't right now). I am not getting the support I need within my AP circles because most of those people are very pro SAHM which is great but they just don't seem supportive of the nursing FT working mom.<br><br>
Then on the other hand in my work circles I am the tandem nursing her almost 3 year old and 8 month old, cloth diapeing, baby wearing, is upset that she had a cesarian freak.<br><br>
Does anyone else feel this way?
 

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I hear ya! I have worked very hard to find like minded, working moms. It's pretty tough, but believe me they are out there.<br><br>
Are there any other working moms in the LLL group? How about getting in touch with them and starting your own group? That's sort of what some of us did here.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>KalamazooMom</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Are there any other working moms in the LLL group? How about getting in touch with them and starting your own group? That's sort of what some of us did here.</div>
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Yes I know of one other working mom in my LLL group who feels similar to how I feel but I don't think she is going to the meetings anymore.<br><br>
I did write my leader saying I am not going anymore due to lack of support I am hoping this sparks something.<br><br>
I was supposed to start my application for being a leader but that seems to have drifted off since I have worked FT. I am kind of taking it personally.
 

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hmmm- time to find new circles.<br>
This forum is a good place to start. How can we help? Just reading past threads often gives me a boost.<br><br>
No one is the "ideal" breastfeeding mom, ya know! I really enjoy working and getting the time to think about things other than parenting. I find I have a lot of support in other areas so it's makes a bit more confident overall. And that translates into sometimes not needing as much support in the parenting area - 'cause I'm really the minority. The other mothers in my neighborhood all work far fewer hours, but most stopped BF long before a year. And obviously, no one I work with is BF their 3 yo!
 

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Well, here's a forum full of natural minded WOHMs, yeah? I actually never went to LLL-- I may this time post partum but haven't decided b/c I'm already involved in ICAN, and our chapter has both SAHMs and WOHMs, meets evenings, the whole work thing isn't really an issue there and I really don't know that I want to commit to another organization at this point in my life. Fortunately there are several LLL groups in our area, some of which meet evenings, so if I went to one I would pick an evening one likely to have other WOHMs. Fortunately in the working world I've also come across some mothers who are philosophically close to me on some issues even if we don't do things exactly the same.<br><br>
I do think though it would be cool if you became a leader if that's what you want, and shouldn't let anyone else's negative attitude dissuade you. It's supposed to be about breastfeeding support after all, for everyone.
 

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I feel fortunate that the evening LLL group where is live has several working moms and I do feel very welcome. I here the morning group is not real supportive.<br><br>
I do however hear what you are saying about not fitting into work. I know my coworkers were uncomfortable when I had my son and came to work with my pumping at work (it's not like I did it front of them) but the thought just freaked them out. They also just think breastfeeding in general is yucky. I have had to control myself in not getting into heated debates over this and just trying to educate them in gentle way.<br><br>
I feel very proud to have been a mom who has maintained my beliefs while having to work full time and it's too bad that more women do not recognize this. You should feel proud of yourself too because it's not easy.<br><br>
I am now fortunately in the position where I am going to be able to stay at home and my last day of work will be April 7th. I wish you luck in finding positive support.
 

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Oh I hear ya. I was really at sea when I came back to work. I was more upset that I had to stop attending my weekly mum's group than with leaving my daughter. I'm not kidding.<br><br>
The on line thing really saved me. When I came back I was on another board, a bit more diverse than here, but the women were fantastic. I had a breast abcess when I came back to work, bouncing around with coming into to work then taking time off, and these women really saved me. All from the comfort of my desk! "Good use of company time", as a coworker says <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"><br><br>
LLL has been very important to me. I attend an evening group thats pretty diverse - SAHMs, mums on mat leave, WOHMs, etc - and accepting of all. I did choose to become a leader. I thought long and hard about how WOHMs fit into the organization before starting my application. I have been warmly welcomed, and haven't encountered any of the "mommy wars" within our local chapter. Its my impression that this varies greatly from area to area. Well, I live in a big city, so I think that the local leaders see that many of the mums who come to us have work-related bfing concerns, and that it can only help the organization to have leaders who have BTDT. I'm not one of a kind.<br><br>
Getting to LLL meetings was an effort many months - it was a very long day for both DD and I - but in the end I got SO SO SO much out of it that I was able to justify it for both of us.<br><br>
I have a coworker who is so not AP, but we find that we are able to support each other as WOHMs. We don't try to convince each other on parenting styles - sleeping, bfing, discipline, etc - in fact, we keep a respectful distance, but we share our time saving tips, vent about other coworkers, and generally cover each other's backs (our jobs have a lot of overlap). We have our kids at the same daycare, and are also authorized to pick each other's kids up.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>soccerchic21</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I am having troubles lately. I used to be VERY involved in my local LLL group when I had my daughter (I worked FT but took her to work with me then stayed home with her for a while then worked PT and brought her to be babysat at my work). Since having my son in July I have been working FT since October to make ends meet in our household.<br><br>
I am feeling like I am not the "ideal" breastfeeding mom because I don't try all that I can to stay home (believe me we have worked it out on paper I just can't right now). I am not getting the support I need within my AP circles because most of those people are very pro SAHM which is great but they just don't seem supportive of the nursing FT working mom.<br><br>
Then on the other hand in my work circles I am the tandem nursing her almost 3 year old and 8 month old, cloth diapeing, baby wearing, is upset that she had a cesarian freak.<br><br>
Does anyone else feel this way?</div>
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Sometimes I feel that way. A lot of moms that BF SAH and very few of the working mom's I know were able to nurse past 1 year because of various reasons. So to nurse a toddler and work full time? I now have a few friends that work and BF so it is better than it was a year ago.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>soccerchic21</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Yes I know of one other working mom in my LLL group who feels similar to how I feel but I don't think she is going to the meetings anymore.<br></div>
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I think you mean me <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/bag.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Bag">:<br><br>
Email me anytime, Sarah, or better yet, lets make plans to get together soon.<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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I am a full-time WOHM (a government attorney) and I am also nursing a toddler (2.4 yrs old). For a while, I was trying to find someone or a group that I could completely relate to but I have given up. I find that the group that I most relate to are other WOHM's, however, we may not share the same parenting philosophies, temperments, or reasons for working.<br><br>
For example, at my son's childcare program, a large portion of the moms are also attorneys so we have things in common but yet we are different. Who talks about CIO, who is an anxious parent, who is conflicted, who is secure with their situations, the reasons why we work etc. With this group, I stay away from any issues that may divide us because I am seeking community with the group and want to focus on what we have in common.<br><br>
If I have an AP issue I want to discuss, I choose to discuss it with a like minded friend or on the boards here.<br><br>
We all have unique situations - there is no one board here that addresses all of my "issues". I am a part of the following "tribes":<br><br>
pregnancy loss<br>
WOHM<br>
Families living in one bedroom<br>
nursing pass infancy<br><br>
& more<br><br>
Good luck!
 

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It's hard to find your niche after having a baby, and I think that's true for SAHMs as well. Even though I do receive a lot of support for my parenting style and choices at work (I work at a non-profit arts organization, so we all lean a bit to the left), I felt completely lost when I came back from maternity leave. Online forums and blogs helped me feel more connected, and I started a blog of my own at that time.<br><br>
I'm a part of a playgroup now that is all first-time, working moms that all work in the arts, at other non-profits, or universities, so we do share some parenting philosophies such as bfing, delaying solids, and buying organic. But beyond that, our styles vary greatly and some times I just don't go because I don't want to hear about how wonderful Ferber is. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:<br><br>
I do participate in a LLL group who are for the most part supportive of WOH moms, but SAHMs dominate and I do feel like the oddball at times.<br><br>
Parenting in this day in age is lonely, IMO. Unless you're lucky enough to live in a neighborhood that has a lot of other families and is one in which people are friendly and socialize with one another, we're fairly isolated in our own little family units. All I can say is to keep your eyes open in your professional life. Make little comments, like, man, my toddler kept kicking me in the head last night (assuming you cosleep), or something to that effect, and see how other parents react. You may be able to make some connections.<br><br>
Also, it's easy to feel odd or weird because our parenting choices aren't the norm. I have to remind myself often that the way we parent works best for our family, and no one else's opinions matter. That's when coming online works really well, IMO.
 

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Okay, so I started out typing a reply, but I can't seem to get what I want to say out. Let just start and maybe I can find my point... <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
I am currently a FT WOHM, having returned to work part time 3 months (dd) and 2 months (ds). There was no option of me becoming a SAHM. I've recently gone back to full time work (since last October), to be able to support our family because at that time, dh had be out of work for 6 months. Dh is now a SAHP, and returned to school in January for a certificate program. My hope is that when he is done with his training and has found a position that can support us, I will SAHM and homeschool. I may still work PT, but that waits to be revealed.<br><br>
I've never been to an LLL meeting. I didn't start reading info from them until I had latching issues with dd. I was disappointed that they had limited info for larger breasted nursing moms. Then I began to read their stance on WOHing and that didn't encourage me much either. Thankfully, I'd already been lurking in this forum. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"><br><br>
I was working PT when I was pregnant with ds, so I thought that maybe I'd give me local LLL groups a try. By this point, I had "met" some online AP moms and I thought it might be nice to meet them IRL and maybe start to make some IRL mom friends. All of my local groups meet in the morning on the days I worked! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">: This still hasn't happened.<br><br>
Like the other mamas above, the niche you make for yourself as a bf, WOHM is what you make it. I tend to relate more to other working moms these days, regardless of their views. I tend not to share mine until I get a feel for how comfortable I am sharing that info with another mama.<br><br>
But all in all, regardless of WOHMing, WAHMing, or SAHMing, I don't think there is an "ideal" breastfeeding mom other than what is successful for you. Hmmm, maybe that's my point!... <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up">
 

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Does LLL as an organization have an issue with not supporting working mothers or is it really more just individuals on a local level? Just wondering, I have read stuff on their website but mostly on latching, etc
 

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i'm a WOHM but i never felt the need to go to LLL - i had started going to a mom-baby group (on Sat mornings!) but when sept rolled around, we got really busy and ds switched his nap schedule to the hour right in middle of playgroup.<br><br>
my (female) coworkers are mostly younger than me and they all are pretty fascinated by pumping and such. a few are even ttc. another coworker and his wife are expecting dc#2, but she's pretty much on bedrest now.<br><br>
unfortunately, we don't have the opportunity to get to know other parents at daycare (why is that?) otherwise we might have a broader circle of people with whom to chat. i think though that i'm much more "alternative" than most parents at daycare (we have 99% compliance rate in vaccinations, and i understand that we aren't the first family to not be in "compliance").<br><br>
some program offerings have arisen, like kindermusik, but at silly times - 4:30 on thursday. we just get to daycare at 6pm to pick up ds; there's no way we'll be able to make it for 4:30.
 

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Yes, I used to feel this way.<br>
There seemed to be plenty of local LLL meetings during the day but not on the weekends/evenings when WOHM breastfeeding moms (aka marathon pumpers <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> ) really need them.<br>
I just felt like I was stuck...between being a professional trying to balance my breastfeeding/pumping/missing my baby at work and being a mama who wanted to be home more.<br>
Love to you...you are not alone.<br><br>
Love,<br>
Mel.
 

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It is a challenge, for sure. Since I'm a teacher, I get to experience SAHMing a few months a year. And last summer, while attending numerous enrichment activities with my toddler, this really hit home with me: I am isolated. What a discovery--SAHMs do playdates and make friends with each other etc.! I kind of shied away from bonding with those moms because I knew I'd be going back to work.<br><br>
When I'm EBFing, I don't like to be away from my baby a whole lot. I spend enough time on the pump as it is. So I'm kind of friend-less.<br><br>
I have attended our evening working-moms LLL meetings, but they're from 7-8:30pm. That's just too late...the baby goes to bed around 6:30 and the pre-schooler goes to bed about an hour later. After the kids are in bed, I'm washing pump parts and bottles, making lunches for the next day, grading papers, going online etc.<br><br>
In spite of the madness, I was able to BF my older child until he was 27 months. To me, that makes it all worth it!
 

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I have to ask- HOW do you work full time and bf? I ask because my son would have had a mental breakdown had I left him w/o the boob at any point in his first two years and now I am considering having another baby but WANT to be able to breast feed AND go back to work full time at 5 months.
 

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I hope you don't mind if I butt into this thread although I didn't/don't breastfeed my adopted daughter. It's just that so many of the issues you are talking about ring true to me. I work about 30 hours per week, as does my partner, and like many of you, literally spend every other hour I'm not working with my daughter. Since my partner and I stagger our work hours somewhat in order to be with her more, most of the time when I'm with my daughter, it's just me. So I feel like a part-time stay-at-home mom who also is working outside the home. I realized a few months ago that I hadn't set up the same kinds of supports and activities for myself and my daughter that I would have if I was home with her full-time, and also how my parenting style and values tended to be different than moms I know at work (plus I started a new job!) I realized also just how lonely I was getting.<br><br>
I have been making a bigger effort to connect with other folks, (most of whom actually don't have children or have older children,) during my time with my daughter - really, anyone I know and like who has daytimes free when I do! This is helping quite a bit, but I still often feel betwixt and between. Thank you everyone for your comments - it's good to know I'm not the only one in this limbo.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>edamommy</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I have to ask- HOW do you work full time and bf? I ask because my son would have had a mental breakdown had I left him w/o the boob at any point in his first two years and now I am considering having another baby but WANT to be able to breast feed AND go back to work full time at 5 months.</div>
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Hi-Jack coming!<br><br>
I think sometimes it's more the mother who has the mental breakdown and the children who reflect that insecurity. Not that I want to engage in yet more mother-blaming - but the decision, if you have the luxury of making a decision, needs to be very clear in your head.<br><br>
The practicality of it involves pumping 3-4 times a day (for an 8-9 hour day) for the first few months. I could taper off a bit after my DD started solids. We started her on a bottle of pumped BM 2x a week at 3 weeks and never had any trouble with nipple confusion or her refusing the bottle.<br><br>
Some babies "reverse-cycle" meaning they may nurse a LOT at night while mom is away. That's the one thing I wish I had understood better when my other mommy friends had babes starting to sleep through the night and mine was waking more and more to nurse. Co-sleeping helps a lot with the reverse-cycling. You might peruse this forum for other issues ideas about working and nursing. Oh - and there's a good book: Working Mother, Nursing Mother that is short, readable and I highly recommend.
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>G&B'sMama</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I think you mean me <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/bag.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Bag">:<br><br>
Email me anytime, Sarah, or better yet, lets make plans to get together soon.<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"></div>
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Yes! Thanks for the email.
 
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