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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I've tried EVERYTHING, and I mean everything to make this work. No dice. I've side carred the crib, I used a mattress on our floor, on the floor in her room, crib in our room but not up against the bed.. NOTHING works. The only way she sleeps longer then 45 minutes at a time is alone, in her bedroom, in her crib.


When we co-sleep, together in the same bed, for the whole night, neither of us gets any sleep. She progressively gets worse and worse as the days go on, until finally she is so sleep deprived and overtired that we spend the whole night awake nursing/rocking/walking/crying, which by the way, is tonight.

There is no rhyme or reason - no teeth, no gas, no sickness, no bumps or bruises, she just sleeps better on her own. That's it.

My problem: I hate it. I hate getting up in the middle of the night to feed her and put her back in her crib. I WANT her to sleep in bed with me, it's so easy, and it's so snuggly, and on the odd, and I mean ODD night that she sleeps relatively well in bed with us, it just feels right. But those nights are few and far between, she has never slept well with us. I'm having major guilt issues, like I'm doing something wrong. The only thing I do wrong, it seems, is to force her into co-sleeping when she obviously sleeps better somewhere else.

I've spent every night since she was born trying to figure out a way to make this work and I'm done. I can't do it anymore. I'm not getting any sleep and neither is she, and we're both showing it. Today at the pumpkin patch a total stranger commented on how tired she looked.


So now what? Now that I know what works (her sleeping alone), how do I do it? How do I make it work? I hate relying on a baby monitor, and I hate getting up in the middle of the night. Am I missing something that I haven't tried so I can avoid all this?

I'm open to ANYTHING.
 

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Oh I'm sorry, it's awful when you've everything - and it seems to me as if you have - and it still doesn't work. Can you bring the crib into your room so you don't have so far to go? I don't really know what to suggest, how old is your dd? Maybe she'll come back to the family bed when she's a little older. If she's not happy and you feel as if you are forcing her into a situation then it's not the right thing - as you have already suggested. Let time handle it and maybe she'll come back - or maybe you'll be able to get the next one to share sleep
. Hugs to you
there's nothing I love more than a good snuggle with my kiddies
. I'm sure it'll all work out well in the end.
 

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I am so sorry, I can only imagain your frustration!
: If it makes you feel better by best friends baby just like his own space as well. But she is like that too. Good luck, people already suggested what I would do.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by vermontgirl View Post
Does it also not work with an armsreach cosleeper? That way she is nearby but in her own bed.
I tried that with the crib by taking one of the rails off and pushing it against the bed so she was still close but had her own space. She still wouldn't sleep. I also tried putting the rail on so she would really have her own space, but she still wouldn't sleep. And I even tried putting her on the other side of the room in her crib (we have a big master bedroom), and she STILL wouldn't sleep. But if I put it in her room she's fine.

Quote:

Originally Posted by mommyof3andcountin
Got a walk in closet? That makes a great close "own room" kind of deal.
Yes we do, and I thought of that, but it's FULL (litterally to the cieling, and wall to wall) and I just don't know where I would put all that stuff. I talked about it with DH and the only way that would work is if he cleaned out the garage so I could move that stuff to the garage, but that won't happen anytime soon, and I'm banned from the garage so I can't do it myself. So that's a no go.

 

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I've been there.
My first child never liked sleeping with us, and I drug it out until he was about 6-7 months old. By that point no one was getting any sleep and I was well into the second trimester of pregnancy, so I sucked it up and put him to sleep in his crib, in his own room one night and he slept longer than he'd ever slept before.
We tried several times after that to get him to sleep with us again, but it was a total flop. Bottom line is- the child needs to sleep, and if that isn't happening in the family bed then it just isn't and other arrangements need to be made. For the record my son never cried in his crib and was never upset, in fact seemed pleased to have his own sleeping space. ( much to Mama's disappointment
: ) My 3 month old is the polar opposite of his brother and LOVES co-sleeping
. I have a feeling he'll be in the family bed for many years to come. In the meantime, I don't think you really have any other choice but to let her sleep in her crib and see what happens. Maybe she will change her mind after a few nights? Who knows. But she needs to sleep, and that needs to be the first priority here, KWIM?

Oh, as for the baby monitor, I don't know the setup of your house but our son's room is across the hall from ours and the walls are like rice paper. If you listen closely you can hear him snoring. I used to be paranoid and use the baby monitor too, but all it did was magnify sounds we wouldn't have heard otherwise and amplify the fire siren when it went off
: I don't think you'll need one, especially if you leave her door open
 

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:

I just can't tolerate having my kids in my bedroom as i can't sleep with them there. THeir breathing, noise etc.. keep me awake.

I make sure that they are in comfy clothes, have a warm enough blanket. I also keep their door open. Their rooms are real close to mine. If your is farther, then a monitor would do the trick too.

Maybe put in a comfy chair in there to nurse her?? Then you could put her back in her bed after she is done.

hth
 

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I had the EXACT same prob with my ds. I finally let him have it his way (after a year) and he's been very happy that way. I know it is difficult when you want them in the family bed so much, but sometimes you have to give in to their individual personalities.
 

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I had the same experience with DS. Cosleeping was co-not-sleeping for everyone. I'd wake, DS would wake, DH would wake - I guess we are all light sleepers who need space. I mean, it just didn't work. We used a bassinet with some success but transitioned DS t his own room around 4 or 5 months or so. I loved the idea of cosleeping but it only works if you can actually sleep, KWIM?

So for us it did mean a baby monitor (couldn't hear otherwise) and getting up in the middle of the night to go to baby. A nice rocker/glider in the baby's room helps. Also once you transition to a big-kid bed you can lay down with DC for a while before nap/bedtime.

DS is now almost 3 1/2 and has started sometimes coming into our bed in the morning or at nap time and it is very sweet and snuggly. So, maybe later you'll be able to get a little cosleeping time with your DD.
 

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*hugs* I can really sympathize. My middle child was like this. Co-sleeping just did. not. work. She wanted to be placed in her crib, and it was the only way she would sleep. She'd stick her thumb in her mouth, grab her blankie, and go to sleep.

I think a huge part of attachment parenting is listening to your child. She seems to be telling you that this is what works best for her. It's so hard to give up those ideals, though.

If it's any consolation, my daughter, who is now five-and-a-half, comes into my room and snuggles with me for an hour or so every morning.
 

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We do what works for our dd. It sounds crazy, but she will not sleep if I am in the bed with her. But she will not sleep alone. She only sleeps if she is in bed with dh. So she sleeps with dh every night. Yes, I feel alone, but we all get some sleep that way. Its what seems to work, mama just has to deal with feeling rejected. It works for us, I guess. Everyone is happy but mama.
 

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My son is the same way. I tried to get cosleeping to work when he was a newborn, as he was really colicky, and I thought it might help us both sleep. No dice. Well, unless you count sleeping in the glider with a baby on my chest as cosleeping.

Anyway, he has always slept better in his own bed, as have I. Now, on the few occasions we sleep in the same room, we both sleep terribly. I am kept awake all night by listening to him move around/breathe/make noises, and he seems to wake more throughout the night. No idea why.

I do hate getting out of bed and walking across the house to nurse him in the middle of the night, but we both get better sleep with him in his own room. I have a super comfy glider in my son's room, and I often fall asleep in it while nursing him. Once he's done nursing, I put him back into his crib, and he goes back to sleep, no problem. His room isn't that far away from mine, but I use a baby monitor so that I can be absolutely sure I hear him.

I totally agree with this:

Quote:

Originally Posted by annettemarie View Post
I think a huge part of attachment parenting is listening to your child. She seems to be telling you that this is what works best for her. It's so hard to give up those ideals, though.
 

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I sympathize with how you feel. We put our son in his own room at about six months, and I hated it, even as I had to admit that, for various reasons, cosleeping was no longer working for us. I missed him dreadfully; I spent several nights crying my eyes out, and I had weird semi-conscious panic attacks - I'd wake up thinking he was still in the bed with me and that I'd rolled over on him, or that I'd dropped him on the floor, when in reality he was sound asleep across the hall.

We have developed a sort of routine where I nurse him overnight in the comfy glider chair in the nursery, then he comes into our bed for his third feeding (usually around 5:30 a.m.). I nurse him and then we either go back to sleep for an hour or so, or snuggle and play in the bed until Mama is ready to get up and face the day. That way we all get the sleep we need at night and still have a little time in the family bed. I've mostly gotten used to the arrangement, although as the weather is getting colder, it's getting harder to drag myself out of the nice, warm bed to go nurse in the dead of night!
 

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My daughter was also a very colicky baby who did not want to be in bed with us, made a ton of noise and kept everyone awake, and was much happier in her own crib.

We had her in her own room, but it was only about 9 feet from our bed so I didn't need a baby monitor -- I'd always wake up when she cried and stagger in, scoop her up and nurse in the glider. Like rebelbets, I dozed off in that chair many nights, with the baby snuggled up on my chest. Can you maybe put her in an adjacent room for a few months? Even if it's the living room or your hallway? It's a temporary arrangement, and you wouldn't have to go so far to feed her.
 
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