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Hello Everyone.
Today's op-ed page in my local newspaper features a piece by a 20-year-old university student entitled: "Full-Time Motherhood? How Selfish"
I would really like to know what you think about it, and how you would respond to her letter.

Take Care,
Erika

http://www.courant.com/news/opinion/...headlines-oped
 

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I think she's just young and hasn't been in "the real world" enough to realize the importance of mothering. She's 20, and obviously a quite motivated student. While I get what she's saying, she's ignoring the entire other side of the issue, that the work of mothers is valuable, and that it's not some sort of grunt work, beneath the ivy league.
Furthermore, I just don't get the feeling that it's the elite college ppl who have historically made the biggest impact in the world...so I don't expect them to start doing so now. Asking them to give up motherhood so that they can be part of the machine or the anti machine is kind of a lot to ask. Why not let those who are naturally drawn to activism be the activists? And frankly, as an activist and a "full time" mother, I am a little suprised at the insinuation that I'm letting anyone down. I'm doing it AND I'm in school, and at a state university, too!
I think the writer is just confused. But she's talking anyway. Common problem if you ask me.
 

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A 20 year old, with no children, is writing an essay telling me I have "submitted" and "returned to the silence" of Victorian women???

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!
:

Obviously she has not been to my house. I think she is missing the point of choosing to be a SAHM and not having a choice. My DH and I have made a choice about how we want our kid raised, and that includes one of us staying home. Since he can earn more than me (my degree is in theatre, he works in computers - nothing to do with gender...just reality.), him staying home is not feasible right now. It could be in the future - you never know.
The point is, I didn't go out and snag a wealthy husband and tie my own hands behind my back and let him run roughshod over what I want.

I am not sure how choosing to be a SAHM is any different than choosing to work? Same as not beingable to choose whether or not you work...I have friends who are struggling with HAVING to work, and feel angry about it. In the same way that those Victorian women felt about HAVING to stay home and be domestic.

My job, which is currently gestating this kid,
, doing the grocery shopping, trying to keep the house clean, making dinner and paying all the bills, is far harder than any job I have had before. I KNOW how to be a stage manager, someone taught me that. I am learning how to make a house run, how to make the budget balance, and soon how to be a mom - no one is gonna teach me that. Frankly, I would have to be a stage manager for Broadway, or work on a movie set to feel truly challenged at my career.

Bottom line - you choose to stay home and are happy - Fabulous!

You choose to work and are happy - Fabulous!
 

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It sounds like she is saying that wealthy women or any woman who wants to be a SAHM fully supported by a rich husband, are selfish to get college educated. Like, if they weren't in the classroom, then other women could be in there place.
Fighting the wrong problem, she should be rallying for college education for everybody who wants it.
 

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Quote:
Although all women should be permitted to be full-time mothers, most do not have the freedom to stop working outside the home. It is not an equal choice when less wealthy and marginalized women are not granted the option. Women who were born into an unearned advantaged position are relinquishing their power and independence to patriarchy.
While I agree with the idea that it is not an equal choice when it is not available to everyone. Logic flies out the window when she opines that these particular women.. who are only in a position of privilege because of where they had the good luck to be born in our patriarchal society are relinquishing their power and independence to that same patriarchy. Makes no sense. They are PART of the patriarchy. It has served them well and is likely to continue to.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by AdinaL
A 20 year old, with no children, is writing an essay telling me I have "submitted" and "returned to the silence" of Victorian women???

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!
:
I know. This reminds me of an experience I had today while standing in line to get my coffee. 2 young women (maybe 18 or 19) were behind me and one of them said, "I saw the saddest thing today." She went on to tell the other about some child misbehaving in public by having a tantrum and the mother wasn't putting her foot down. The other said, "That mother needs to crack down! She's doing her child SUCH a disservice!"

It was all I could do to keep from cracking up. I wanted to turn around and say, "You know, I knew all there was to know about parenting, too, when I was your age. Then I actually had a kid."


I think that people that age (with rare exceptions) haven't yet reached the point where they understand the huge importance of motherhood - or where they even feel the need to. It's no surprise that they're also largely incapable of understanding the essence of feminism which is, of course, CHOICE.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Bethla
Interesting. I'm not "elite" or "ivy league" so I guess that means it's OK for me because I wouldn't be making much of a contribution.

Yeah me too. My dh doesn't make a lot of money either so at least I won't be seen as feeling entitled to having a rich dh.

I think she is missing the point.
I had my dd when I was 20 and although I have learned a great deal since then I knew then how important motherhood was.
 

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I'm a college educated SAHM. I went to college when I was 17 and had no clue tht I'd ever want to be a SAHM. Things change. Give her a decade or so to experience things. She may think otherwise eventually, or maybe not. Either way, her choice, just like mine.

Also, there is nothing Victorian about my stay at home parenting. If memory serves, those mamas had perfectly clean houses all the time.
 

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I'm a 21-year-old college student, and I think she's full of it. I believe it's symptomatic of the patriarchy that no matter what path women choose, they are criticized for it. My mom was a SAHM, and I think she's made plenty of impact on the world. She wasn't able to finish college because her parents didn't support her (they put her brothers through college, but not her) and she also had a heart condition. She feels guilty for having given me a "bad role model" but I think she showed that anything you do can be valuable, even if society doesn't see it.
 

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I want to know where she got the idea that being married and staying home to have kids, means you are submissive to your husband. Hello darling- welcome to the 21st century when wife and husband actually share childrearing duties as well as income, nevermind household duties. Well, then again, maybe it's like that in those Ivy League households


Why not stay home with your kids so that they learn your values and carry on your feminist ideas?
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by kama'aina mama
While I agree with the idea that it is not an equal choice when it is not available to everyone. Logic flies out the window when she opines that these particular women.. who are only in a position of privilege because of where they had the good luck to be born in our patriarchal society are relinquishing their power and independence to that same patriarchy. Makes no sense. They are PART of the patriarchy. It has served them well and is likely to continue to.

OHHHHHH now I'm mad! you quoted the same sentences I was about to, and made the same point I was about to!


*I* wanted to be the one to point out that she thinks rich white women are selfish for choosing something that not-so-rich-multi-ethnic women SHOULD have the choice to do! she's making no sense!
 

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I probably would have agreed with her when I was 18 or 19. When you are taught by society that getting into a top college, achieving a high-powered career, and making lots of money are the only worthwhile goals in life, being a SAHM contradicts all that. Family is more important than money and this young author doesn't seem to get that yet.

I also think her line of thinking is really classist (although she thinks it is the opposite) because she is insinuating that highly educated women are the only ones that can make an impact in this world and staying at home "wastes" their talents because they are too good for that. I don't see her bashing low-income SAHM's that budget and penny-pinch so that they can stay home and raise thier children.
 
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