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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
please please help me with some gd advice! i'm very concerned about this.

all of a sudden my sweet 2 year old is starting to slap me in the face and kick me, and smile and giggle or laugh when i tell her it hurts or that its not nice to kick mommy.......and proceed to do it again. i've told her that mommy and daddy don't kick HER because it doesnt feel good, and she needs to not do it........and over the past couple of days its become a serious issue.

ack!

what do i do?!?!?!?! she's always been so gentle. i was raised in a very violent home and have to do battle with my own temper and instincts because of this, and i really have been dedicated to keeping my hands off while disciplining dd because of that slippery slope........but i'm concerned. i'm tired, i am about to have another baby......and the thought of dd entering a more aggressive phase right *now* is almost too much to bear.......
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
stressful isnt it? i'm just concerned i'm not going to know how to handle the situation if it becomes a bigger problem when i'm trying to recover from giving birth and feeling protective of a teeny new baby.......and yet not wanting my dd to feel jealous.......

oh boy.
 

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Quote:
all of a sudden my sweet 2 year old is starting to slap me in the face and kick me, and smile and giggle or laugh when i tell her it hurts or that its not nice to kick mommy.......and proceed to do it again. i've told her that mommy and daddy don't kick HER because it doesnt feel good, and she needs to not do it........and over the past couple of days its become a serious issue.

ack!

what do i do?!?!?!?! she's always been so gentle. i was raised in a very violent home and have to do battle with my own temper and instincts because of this, and i really have been dedicated to keeping my hands off while disciplining dd because of that slippery slope........
I would be more direct with her and change your wording. "Nice" is a vague and nebulous idea to a 2 year old. I would instead, tell her directly "No hitting (kicking, hurting, etc)." And I would change the environment to prevent her from doing it again. Move away yourself, move her away. And tell her "I won't let you keep hurting me. I will help you until you can do it yourself". And help her by not letting her hurt you or anyone else.

I'd drop the whole "we don't hit/hurt you" plea.

I'm not sure what you mean by "hands off" discipline. I'm very comfortable with my discipline, which is IMO, non punitive but very hands on.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by babykaoss
i've told her that mommy and daddy don't kick HER because it doesnt feel good, and she needs to not do it
Sounds normal to me, but I personally wouldn't bother with this part. Too complex.

Could it be you're overreacting? I mean, making it kind of thrilling because of your dramatic reaction? Can you make your reaction shorter, blander, sterner, and then move on more quickly?

Since she's laughing, it sounds like she's getting a kick out of it, instead of lashing out in frustration, which IME requires a slightly different response.
 

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Simon responds to seeing that he has hurt me rather than hearing it. He's 19 months old. If he hits me, I nurse the spot, put a sad look on my face, and tell him that it hurts. I ask if he wants to give me a kiss. He usually realizes that he has caused me pain by this point (or at least seems to realize this), gets a slightly sad look on his face, and then kisses the spot that he hit (or whatever). I usually ask whether he is sorry or, if he clearly does look sorry, I'll say "you are sorry." We hug (or not, depending on his cues) and go on with our day. There is no harsh or stern reprimand, and he seems to be learning that hitting causes other people pain pretty quickly.

I can imagine some people thinking this is manipulative. I think he realizes that I'm acting up the pain to convey that he has hurt me. I don't go overboard with the dramatics and I follow his cues about them. We use this tactic in other contexts too, e.g., I'll show him an exaggerated scared face if I'm trying to convey that something is scary, and ditto with "brrrrrr... this is coooold," "Ouch! Ouch! Hot!" and so on. I think the use of exaggerated emotions may be a natural form of parentese. I can also imagine this tactic being used without sensitivity to the child and being put to bad use, e.g., to cause shame rather than to convey information.

If he's actually angry and has hurt me, I usually put a bit of space between us until he has cooled off a bit (following his cues). I've found that these cases are almost always preventable and foreseeable. Typically this happens if we violate his space or do something else to upset him. He doesn't just lash out at us in anger for no reason at all.
 

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My oldest dd lucky enough (knock on wood) hasn't really gotten into the stage of hitting and kicking, people, I do catch her kicking our pet dog on occasion and I quickly put her into time out for a few minutes, then explain that kicking is not tollerated in this house. She hasn't done it much, I honestly think the dog had taken one of her toys in a few occasions and she was wanting it back, but the fact is the same.

Right now my problem is my 2 year old is turning 3 and she has hit a faze where her baby sister can't play with anything. Any time my youngest pickes up a toy, or anything for that matter my oldest runs up takes it out of her hand and yells no. My youngest is starting to get where she just clings to me when my oldest is in the room and when my oldest plays outside or is taking a nap the youngest is all over the place, crawling and playing and exploring.

I just wish my oldest would understand that the baby is ok. Everything in the house is not under the ownership of the oldest. All without causing jealousy. any ideas?
 
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