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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I wanted to write about some of my experience this week ~ my biggest challenge to GD. DH is gone for 2 weeks and I've been with Aya 24/7. I read here at MDC and analogy to this that really clicked for me, "It's like being pecked to death by ducks." LOL!!!

URGH, it has just been hard and, yea, I've slipped a few times. I've been incredibly impatient and not at all understanding, I've raised my voice and not been in the moment much at all. Nothing really bad but I would definitely not want to parent like this on a regular basis.

BUT...(here's the good part), DC has taken it in stride. She seems to totally understand that I'm stressed. She's comforting me and caring for me and trying really, really hard to accommodate her freaky mother. And the best part is that she is forgiving me.

I got frustrated last night because she said she was hungry after we had done the entire bedtime routine. This frustrated me on a normal day but I was at an all time low last night. I lost it a little and then apologized to DC. She said, "That's okay, mama.", and then took my hand and gave it a squeeze. She's so freakin' sweet!


Anyway. I just wanted to share. I feel like having GD/AP is actually allowing me to mess up from time to time. This isn't the first time that I've noticed that my parenting style has allowed some "discrepancies" but I appreciate this reminder.

I hope you are all doing well. I would love to hear some success stories of when we lapse from AP/GD. IMO, this would be a sign of major effectiveness, yk?
 

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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
I wanted to add that I have very high standards for myself when it comes to being gentle to my child so please keep that in mind when you're reading my description of what it means for me to loose it.
 

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I just wanted to send you a note of warmth and understanding. I've been with my DD 24/7 for the last 4 days. Dh will be back in 2 more days. I too have felt stressed, overwhelmed, and that I've been "slipping"...my dd is only 10 mo, so she can't really let me know yet that it's okay, but I must say your message made me feel better. I hope the remainder of your time with your dd goes well. Enjoy!
 

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ICM, I have seen this with my dd, too. Last week, for instance, we had a bedtime battle and I lost my temper. Told her that I wasn't getting back up for *anything (I was trying to lay with her until she falls asleep--like we do every night--but she was overtired and ornery). That she needed to lay still and go to sleep and she needed to do it RIGHT NOW!
(apparently I was overtired and ornery, too)

Anyway, the next day we were playing house, and she (the imaginary mama) said these exact words back to me (the imaginary child). I looked right into her eyes and said "that's how I sounded last night, huh?" and she said "yep."


So I started apologizing, and explaining I was tired/grumpy/etc--and she cuts me off! She takes my hands in hers and interrupts to say "It's alright, Mom. Even when you are angry, you are always in my heart."


I really do think that foundation of attachment, security, and self worth that our kids get from gd helps them for understand and forgive us when we slip up!
 

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for the few times i have been away from my dh, very rare that we do trips without each other but it does happen, i am amazed at my capacity as a mother to kick it into "high gear" if you know what i mean. and more than anything, i am amzed at the person my ds becomes when it is just the two of us and dad is gone. he is very understanding and agreeable and things go smoother when dh is out of town
: although we would NEVER tell dh that. i think ds and i just go into survival mode or something. anyways, hearing GD stories on this board needs to happen more often. it is very enlightening to hear! great job momma!

jessie
 

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What a lovely post!

And I do know what you mean...this morning I was trying to catch a nap (I'd been up for hours in the wee a.m. with insomnia), and DD came in to "play". She jumped on me at one point and landed right on my pregnant belly. OUCH! The mama bear in me got mad at her for landing on her baby brother, and the very tired mama in me was mad that she was jumping on me while I was trying to sleep. I pushed her off me and said "NO, DD! Mama is trying to sleep!!". It was a strong voice, though I wasn't yelling.

Anyways, it's times like these when your post gives me great comfort. DD did seem to sense that my reaction was very out of the ordinary, and she came to give me "cuddles" shortly afterwards.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Piglet68
I pushed her off me and said "NO, DD! Mama is trying to sleep!!". It was a strong voice, though I wasn't yelling.
T Piglet - I know you're at MDC a lot, like me, but you don't *really* call Emily 'DD' as a nickname, do you?

(I have almost done that for real in conversations, though!
: )

And, ICM, I think you're right on about the difference the foundation makes. It's very powerful to see our toddlers begin to have the ability to empathize because of what they have received from us.

Hang in there this week, mama!
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Thanks, These two weeks have been HARD. There aren't any specific problems and DC is great but the day by day, by day, by day is wearing on me. DH gets home in two days. I'm just so thankful that GD lasts and gives back during hard times.

I can't wait to give DC a little more after I'm rejuvenated. She really deserves it!
 

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ICM-What a nice post! Especially great for me to read this tonight. I am very pregnant with #2 and my patience has been very, very low. I've been particularly hard on DS lately-and he's been extra-challenging, too (which came first, I wonder??).

I'm very honest (or try to be) with DS. When I'm feeling angry, sad, impatient, or running on fumes, I tell him so. It may be more than most moms tell their little 2.5 yos, but it just makes our relationship *real*, I guess. And I think it's the times like these that our goals of GDing and all the AP parenting we do as couple really seems to "save" us. For instance, DS will just surprise us with his reactions, or behavior sometimes-in a great way, and we'll see the "benefits" of our attempts at this parenting thing (I say "attempts" b/c I feel that we are works in progress!).

So, yes, yes, yes. Sounds like this "base" is helping you, too!
 

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I was GD'd as a child and I completely agree that GD gives you a foundation on which you are allowed to make mistakes. From GD I learned not only that I was respected and forgiven by my parents, but that they were worthy of my forgiveness and respect. My parents and I are very close now that I am an adult, and we still have an open and respectful relationship which I credit to GD!

I applaud all of you mamas and as the child who was GD'd, I wanted to say that you are allowed to make mistakes because what you do is soooo wonderful!
 

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It's such a habit to refer to Emily as DD here. But I've never called her that in real life.

I do, however, sometimes refer to my husband as DH when writing to people who have nothing to do with parenting boards and likely have no clue what DH means, lol.
 
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