[rainyday]

I have a 4.75 year old son who is one of the sweetest, nicest kids his age I have ever seen. We try very hard to model respect and to lead gently. We've really been very blessed to have no large problems-until now.<br><br>
For the past several months, DS has been having lots of pee accidents. When he was first toilet trained, right around his third birthday, he would occasionally have a tiny, tiny accident, maybe a wet spot the size of a quarter, in his underwear. For a long time (more than a year), this was the case, just occasional, very small accidents. If we were in the car or away from home and he had to go, he'd tell us that he needed a bathroom and hold it until we found one.<br><br>
Over the past several months, though, the accidents have gotten bigger and bigger. It's like he just doesn't care that his underwear are wet. He'll have huge accidents where his pants are soaked all the way to his knee, three times in a day! We'll be out and about, and he won't mention that he has to go to the bathroom until he's already had a large accident. Even at home he will often have an accident in his pants.<br><br>
At first the accidents seemed to happenn primarily when he was really distracted, like when a friend was over and he was really engrossed in playing. Now they happen even when it's just him and me.<br><br>
We've had his urine tested, and he doesn't have an infection, and he's not diabetic.<br><br>
I try to handle each accident calmly, clean him up, and give him new clothes to get dressed in. I generally ask him take the wet pants and undies to the laundry room. Reasoning with him and telling him he needs to be more aware (this has been our method with most things, and it's always worked very well with him) has seemed to help, but only for a day or two, and then it's back to multiple accidents.<br><br>
We don't use punishments, and I really just don't know what to do at this point. I posted here because I really want a GD perspective as that's more in line with our family values than other approaches. HELP!

 

[alegna]

Have you tried reminding him very often or even making it a rule that he try ever so often? Think back to the beginning of potty learning and try some of what worked then.<br><br>
good luck!<br><br>
-Angela

 

[GradysMom]

Have you had any major changes in your life recently. Job changes, death in the family or moving etc... ??? Something he needs to be able to talk about more?<br><br>
I also think a few extra hugs a day will help him feel better about himself and help him tune back into himself.

 

[rainyday]

No major changes recently or ever, really, in his life. A few extra hugs can never hurt though!<br><br>
I've been trying to remind him, but it also happens when I'm not around to do it, like when he's at preschool. Plus, I forget to remind him sometimes. I'll have to keep working on that.

 

[Roar]

I think you are handling it just fine.<br><br>
The one thing I might do is tell him that you'd like to try for the next week to see how few accidents he can have at home and that you will both do your part to try to work on it. You could set an egg timer for once an hour for him to "give it a try". He is old enough that he might enjoy setting the timer and being in charge of this himself. My guess is that a little extra positive attention to the problem even for a short period of time like this and you will see improvements. Also, for school I'm wondering if the teacher could give him a quiet reminder a couple of times a day.

 

[angie3096]

My daughter is 4.5 and she wets her pants if I forget to remind her to use the bathroom. I usually do remind her, but sometimes I forget. She had lots of catheters as a baby (chronic kidney issues) so I think she just doesn't feel it when she needs to go sometimes. When she does wet her pants, I don't even make a big deal about it. She'll say, "I had a potty accident!" and I'll say, "Solve your problem!" Her underwear and pants are in spots in her room where she can get to them. We have flushable moist wipes out so she can clean herself off. I don't even get up. She gets no punishment or degrading comments, but she also gets no attention whatsoever. If she expresses distress to me that it has happened, I respond with understanding but not assistance. I say, "Well, accidents happen. Better go change your pants!" and she says "Okay!" and then she goes and does it. I don't try to reason with her about it. I don't find it really very distressing. What do I care? She'll figure it out before she goes to college. I do keep a change of pants and undies in the car in case it happens while we're out, but it rarely does, because if we're out I make double sure to have her use the bathroom regularly.<br>
I work in a public school and kindergarten and first grade pants wetters are common. We just keep pants and undies on hand for them and if accidents happen, we just say cheerfully, "Go change your pants!" I don't see it as a big deal.<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br>
Angie

 

[Fuamami]

Does he have constipation issues? My ped told me that accidents are sometimes related to being constipated, but that was for my dd. I'm not sure if it's the same in boys.

 

[**guest**]

Glad I read this. I'm going through this with ds right now. Although, I tend to think in my situation that there's something behind the regression.

 

[abeliamama]

She had been potty trained since turning three, no accidents day or night and the summer before she started a new school, at 4.75 years, she had accidents everywhere! I think a change or issue that we might not perceive as big (moving, new baby, etc.) can trigger this, too. As soon as school started and she settled in, the accidents stopped. Could there be anything bothering your son? My son is going through a potty regression right now (he just turned 4). He does not like school and never wants to go.Teachers say he seems fine and happy. School is out in a few weeks, so I hope that helps. Good luck- you are doing the right thing by staying calm, getting him to clean up...It will pass...<br><br>
Lurker with no fancy sig!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lurk.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lurk">:

 

[rainyday]

Thanks for all the thoughts and advice, Everyone.<br><br>
I've been trying to remind him more often, and it seems to be helping a lot. He's only had a couple of small accidents in the past five or six days, and that's a big improvement from two or three big ones in one day!<br><br>
I do wonder if somehow when he was first in underwear, he was very conscious of the change from diapers, and so he was able to stay dry more easily. Then he got accustomed to the underwear, stopped paying attention to them, and then began having more accidents when he was engrossed in what he was doing. Having more accidents got him used to the feel of wet underwear, and things just got worse. At least things are improving!