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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi there,<br><br>
I have a 10 month old daughter who is very mobile and into exploring her environment (ie getting into things and making a mess!) and I find myself saying *no* way too often. I am new to discipline in general as she is my first child and I know GD is the way I'd like to go. What would be age appropriate discipline at her age? She thinks *no* is a game already (whoops). Also, what are some good GD resources? Books or websites- I know I'm going to need help... I get annoyed easily unfortunately! Thanks!
 

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This is how I see it. At 10 months, her job is to explore her environment and your job is to provide her with a safe environment to explore. Even if she grasps the word "no," she won't have the impulse control yet to stop herself from reaching for interesting objects, exploring intriguing situations, etc.<br><br>
In our family, we don't even introduce the word "no" at 10 months as a means of setting limits. If our baby grabbed a forbidden object, I'd be more likely to remove it and distract her with something appropriate for her. I know some families use "no" earlier than we do and I'm not knocking it -- I just don't think it's necessary or beneficial this early on.<br><br>
So, in a nutshell, I think that distraction, redirection, substitution of objects and babyproofing are the best discipline tools you have at this age.
 

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At that age really the only thing to do is distract, redirect and make things inaccessible that she can't have.<br><br>
-Angela
 

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i agree with the PPs about solid babyproofing, distraction, and redirection.<br><br>
but DD is almost 14 months, and i do say no more now than i did at 10 months. for example, i will say, "no. let's leave the cords alone," when she tries to pull plugs out of the wall. if i just say, "let's leave the cords alone," without saying no, she tends not to really listen to me--as in, she doesn't stop and look at me at all. she usually doesn't "obey" me, but i don't expect that, though i do like for her to seem to have stopped and thought, if that makes sense. so i strive for that. she stops and looks and listens more in these situations when i say no than when i don't. but that is just our experience.<br><br>
so i don't think NO is a bad thing to say, but it's not very effective if you don't offer some explanation for an alternative behavior. for us, "no" often signals there is a problem, and the follow-up explanation offers an alternative, like "no. gentle with the cat. leave the cat's tail alone. she doesn't like it when you pull her tail." and then if i need to, i physically move her away from the cat.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Thanks for your replies- I will defiantly be redirecting and distracting. I also need to work on babyproofing. At what age do you feel *no* starts to become more appropriate?
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Brigio</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11559119"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Thanks for your replies- I will defiantly be redirecting and distracting. I also need to work on babyproofing. At what age do you feel *no* starts to become more appropriate?</div>
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No, in and of itself, I don't find to be a useful every day tool.<br><br>
I find it works better to have a selection of different phrases- not safe for baby, gentle, etc.<br><br>
I tried to reserve NO for biggies, then they tend to listen to it.<br><br>
-Angela
 

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"No" doesn't relay enough information. It's better to tell the child what *to* do than simply "no", which can make them freeze and not do anything, or more likely at some point just start ignoring the word. So if a child is playing with X, and X is off limits, you could say, "Here, play with Y instead. X isn't safe." Simply saying "No" doesn't tell the child what *can* be done or give any information other than that they need to stop. And, as far as that goes, I think "stop" or "freeze" are listened to better if a child really does need to stop for safety reasons than "no".<br><br>
Which does not mean I never say "no", but it's more of a reflexive thing than an attempt to communicate. Because it doesn't communicate much.
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>mamazee</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11559373"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">"No" doesn't relay enough information. It's better to tell the child what *to* do than simply "no", which can make them freeze and not do anything, or more likely at some point just start ignoring the word. So if a child is playing with X, and X is off limits, you could say, "Here, play with Y instead. X isn't safe." Simply saying "No" doesn't tell the child what *can* be done or give any information other than that they need to stop. And, as far as that goes, I think "stop" or "freeze" are listened to better if a child really does need to stop for safety reasons than "no".<br><br>
Which does not mean I never say "no", but it's more of a reflexive thing than an attempt to communicate. Because it doesn't communicate much.</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">:<br><br>
Much more articulate than what I said... <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
I blame it on baby brain...<br><br>
-Angela
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
It defiantly makes sense to tell them WHY and redirect them instead of just saying no without explaining. I say no without even thinking- my mom also says it ALL the time. She watches DD once a week for a few hours and I was on the phone with her while DD was at her place- all I heard was no, no, get out there... etc. I have told her to "watch her *no's*" but she doesn't get it. How to you explain to people (particularly Grandma's) that we do not use NO and how do I reinforce it? I go back to work part time in a month and both grandma's will watch her... I am so worried that they will undo my hard work!
 

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I agree with the pps at that age babyproof and redirect is about all that works and it usually isn't a big deal to redirect them. Once redirection stops working we would say "not for baby" rather than no and then tell her what to do. Rather than saying don't stand on the couch, for ex, we'd say, sit on your bottom please. Since everything is just one big adventure for the baby/toddler, it really is much more useful to tell them what they should do as they probably don't really know!<br><br>
If you spend any time with older people (my parents) or older kids (my neice and nephew) you realize how often everyone is programmed to use the word "No." I swear I hear it over and over constantly when I am with those people and I guarantee it is absolutely tuned out by a little one who keeps hearing it (I certainly would tune it out) for every little thing.<br><br>
Now at 20 mos she is old enough to really understand and I try to reserve "No" for the big stuff and it definitely seems to be working. Well it gets her immediate attention anyway. Yesterday, I forget what she did but I said "No, no, no" and then I kept hearing over and over "No, no, no" which is why I generally tend to not overuse that particular word. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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I agree with the other posts...<br>
Distract and redirect is the best method for at least the next year, maybe even two.<br><br>
Trading is always a good game. If she has something that she shouldn't -asking for it and giving her something more appropriate, and Thanking her for trading with you.<br><br>
The word NO really shouldn't be used unless it is in response to a question.<br><br>
Stating the reason is much better, ie: fragile, we don't want to break it... oh that's hot, we don't want to get burned... pretty, it is there just to look and not touch, etc...
 

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Some phrases I use are:<br><br>
No wires/pen/paper clip/buttons on VCR/etc. for DS!<br>
Bye-bye wires! (tucking them away, etc.)<br>
Walk away from the wires.<br>
Let's do blocks!...<br>
We don't play with wires...<br>
Those are Daddy's wires! They're for his big speakers! Daddy only. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue"><br>
Not for DS. Mommy only.<br>
Come do XXX with Mommy!
 
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