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<span><span style="font-size:medium;"><span style="font-family:Georgia;"><b>Hello lovely ladies!<br><br>
I am not 100% gd, but I am sure getting there.</b></span></span></span><br><span><span style="font-size:medium;"><span style="font-family:Georgia;"><b><br>
I am curious about what techniques have been most<br>
effective for you in raising happy children, and encouraging<br>
family harmony.<br><br>
I have read the post on Love Flooding, and I like<br>
the idea alot.<br><br>
One thing I have been doing that I am not sure if<br>
it is GD or not,is if my DD hits me with something<br>
I will look sad and hurt (which I often am ), this often<br>
makes her sad and stop hitting and apologizes. However<br>
I don't want to guilt trip either.<br><br>
I'm thinking its natural consequence training?<br>
You hit someone it makes them sad and hurts their feelings, right?</b></span></span></span>
 

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Wow, thanks so much for your post! I am inspired by your commitment to find a parenting style that works for you. How old is your dd?<br><br>
My ds used to hit my dh when he was 1.5 and for 1 year my dh did not respond to it at all, and I think it was detrimental in showing my son that if he could hit his Dad, well, he could hit anyone. So I think a clear response works best. One that is just firm enough to show that it is not acceptable but not too firm to instill fear. And I like your idea of showing your dd that it hurts you but I get the idea of laying on the guilt too. I guess the trick is to lead the child through empathy (we're working on that a lot now too) in as non-emotional of a way as possible. With my ds, I talk to him in a way that isn't reprimanding but really questioning, "What do you think? How do you think hitting feels?" It's all in the tone.<br><br>
Mostly, I would look at what happens before the hitting starts. What's leading her to frustration/anger? Is she at the point of needing more expressive words that you could teach her? Is there a battle that could be avoided by working with her or asking her for solutions?<br><br>
Part of the love flooding I do is to put myself in as sympathetic of a mode for being a kid as much as possible. I try to understand 100% of the time that kids just want to have fun, be loved, and are constantly learning. I had a much harder time parenting when I put my thoughts on my kids about getting through the day.<br><br>
Best of luck to you!!!! And I can't recommend enough Alfie Kohn's book, Unconditional Parenting, as a transformative book on parenting & discipline.
 

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For me the biggest things have been to take preventative measures first, 'honor the impulse', and to remember that the opposite of connection is conflict.<br>
With dd (who is 2.5) I make sure she is rested, well fed, and feels a part of the group. This goes a LONG way towards preventing her acting out. I make sure she is busy doing things that are actually helpful and contribute to our family, such as helping me clean when I am cleaning, helping me pick out produce while grocery shopping, and helping me take care of the baby I sit for.<br>
Honoring the impuse makes me stop and think about the WHY of what she is doing. If she is flinging food on the floor, it's not because she thinks it's great fun to aggravate me, but because she is exploring textures, gravity, and cause and effect. Very scientific! If what she is doing is innappropriate, I can look for another way to satisfy her need to explore, and in turn I do not stifle her learning.<br>
In times of conflict (with anyone really, I've tried this with dh and it really 'works') I try to remember that what dd really needs is to connect with me. It's hard because seldom do I 'feel' lovey dovey at the moment, but when I do slow down, put everything else aside and really connect with her, in a way that she needs, it 'fixes' the problem.<br>
We rarely have any major conflict with dd. She is not what I would call easy going either! She knows what she wants, and is a determined kid for sure! It's a quality I love about her, and I never ever want to squelch. Having said that, it is something that as a parent, I have to make a conscience choice to work WITH and not against. In most situations we look for a mutually agreeable solution, with her opinions having equal weight as mine. Unless safety is a concern (safety for her or for others) I try to allow her the freedom to make her own decisions. It's hard, because sometimes *I* dont feel like waiting or whatever, but because we respect her opinions and needs, she really respects us. Many times I have found myself explaining that mama is really tired and impatient and it would make it much easier if I could help her with her shoes just this time. And she gets it. She agrees to let me put her shoes on, and I feel much more relaxed, not because I got to put her shoes on, but because I have this little person who really takes my feeling into account. I am working really hard to let the little things go. It's hard for me, being a type A personality, and a bit of a control freak! DD has taught me alot though.<br>
Lastly, as with every decision regarding dd, I try to keep into account how that will affect her in the future. What are my goals for her, what am I hoping to teach her about life? Ultimately, I want her to know that she is unconditionally loved, that she is important to us (her family) and to the world, that she has rights and how to exercise those rights. I want to cultivate her personality and honor her for who she is. I want her to know that she does not have to succumb to other's desires to be liked, fit in, or out of fear. I want her to know that she is respected, and to in turn have that for others. I want her to look at situations from HER point of view, not being swayed by what others are saying. I want her to know that we were honest with her in all things. Those things are so much more important than having a kid who obeys all the time. Who obeys without thinking, with out questioning. Who is taught that some people have more rights, that they can exercise those rights through fear or manipulation.<br>
Hopefully that long-winded post makes some sort of sense! I'm still learning and trying to figure all this out myself!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">
 
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