Mothering Forum banner

1 - 4 of 4 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
337 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
I'm new to gd. DS is 10 months and although I haven't read any books, I keep visiting this message board for guidance. All I know is I don't want to shout at or hit ds, nor do I want to use punishment/rewards. I also don't want to effect his self esteem by making him believe if he behaves well we love him and if he behaves badly we don't, thus I want to avoid things like 'good boy/ well done'. At the moment, I'm just really using replacement and redirection. So if he starts playing with the dvd player or something I just say 'that's not a toy, while moving him and trying to engage him in something else'. I've recently had my mil staying for a week (it's been a long week, lol) and she does some things I'm not very happy with, like calling him naughty when he doesn't do what she says, or if he's playing with something he shouldn't she yells at him, then if he still doesn't come away she says 'how shameful' (she's Turkish). Also when he goes near anything dangerous she shouts come away, come away, caca caca (meaning poop). I've also heard her and fil call him dirty when he has done a poo. One more thing not related to discipline but I might as well get this off my chest as well, she insists on talking to him in a stupid baby style (like mispronouncing words and using baby words). Does anyone have any advice on how I can explain to her why I don't want her to talk to ds like this?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
464 Posts
I am in a similar situation with my MIL who is threatening to visit soon. I plan to redirect her if she says something I don't like. For example, if she says, "A, you are being a poop. Listen to me." I will say, "J, we don't call people bad names. We say what we expect and trust the children to follow through. Why don't you come over and watch some tv? You are here to vacation, not to discipline."
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
337 Posts
Discussion Starter #3
Hee-hee. The funny thing is, she has been using it to me. We speak Turkish to each other but she said something like 'What gid (did) you go (do)?' I just gave her a look that said, I have an honours degree, I'm a teacher, I speak three languages and have travelled half way round the world, I refuse to answer you while you are talking like that<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,615 Posts
With my ILs (who are similar to yours in that English is not their first language and the term gentle discipline would probably illicit gales of laughter and snorts of "You'll see, you'll do things our way eventually."), I try to treat them the way I expect myself and my DD to be treated. I treat DD in front of them the way I expect them to treat her.<br><br>
My MIL has always called all three of her other grandchildren "Grandma" so they will evenually cll her that. I t makes NO sense to me. I don't call her Mommy so she'll someday call me mommy, I call her by her name. I have never said anything to my MIL about it, but she stopped doing it.<br><br>
Baby is seven months old and a beginner crawler. She gets into things much quicker than you'd expect - just like any baby. When MIL is around, I do what I do all the time, remove and redirect DD and remove the potentially breakable/dangerous item. I've even said "Oops, that's not for baby, let's get that out of your reach" and moved the item. MIL seems to get it. I haven't heard caca caca since I started saying out loud what I'm doing for DD.<br><br>
So I guess my advice is to use GD on MIL - teach her how you expect to be rteated, and how you expect your child to be treated.
 
1 - 4 of 4 Posts
Top