[luckylady]

We were playing at a public water park with our toddlers and these older kids - 12 or 13 - and this one boy was obviously the leader and 3 or so kids were following him. There are lots of places to play but they kept running - and I mean running fast - through the one area our kids were playing. All of the moms took turns asking this boy to please walk through the babies. He ignored us. They ran through again and he ran into one of the little girls with us AND KEPT RIGHT ON RUNNING!

At this point I was steamed. The poor baby is crying and this nasty kid didn't even apologize and I heard him snicker about it like it was funny.

So around they go again and this time I stepped in front of the water thing where our kids were playing and said to him - "you need to not run through here anymore." and he says 'It's a public park and I have a right to go where I want." and I said "Our small children have just as much of a right to not be run over by you." and he says "then you should watch your kids." and now I am ready to drown this friggin brat and I say "what is your problem? Why do you feel powerful picking in 2 year old babies?" He says nothing. so I say "We would appreciate it if you could act a little mature here and play somewhere else." So he storms off and calls me an effin b!tch. I went over to him and I said "that was uncalled for. Where is your mother?" And he says "she's not here." And I said, "yeah, I figured that. I am sorry you are missing something in your life that you feel you have to act like this." and he says "leave me alone c^nt." I could not believe it! He was a kid! talking to a grown up like that! Unbelievable.

:

And people wonder why I want to HS my DD.

Was there a better way to handle this? I feel like I should have done more...I feel like I somehow let this kid down. I don't know - hard to explain. I have just never experienced something like this before. I could see how sad and miserable this kid obviously was...Hopefully I won't again.

 

[Dragonfly]

Wow. No input. Just wow.

 

[polka123]

Sadly, this is not an isolated incident.
Makes me wonder about a lot of things.
We have become such a "permissive, blame someone else, no-respect"
society.
I've run into this many times b/c I won't keep my mouth shut @ these friggin' brats.

 

[Marsupialmom]

You cannot parent other peoples kids but you can set a good example.

I would talked to the life guard. The life guard is there to make sure people obey the rules.

Unfortantly you bated this kid into an arguement. I think a re-reading of how to talk so kids will listen might be needed (I am re-reading it myself, LOL). You got him on the offence with these remarks:

what is your problem? Why do you feel powerful picking in 2 year old babies?

You just told him he was dumb and stupid.

Next time if there is no life guard as him not to run over the babies. Then tell him to go run --give a place--. Get a life guard, park ranger.

 

[pamelamama]

It's sad, that kid is clearly in a lot of pain.

I relate to your desire to reach out to this kid. That's the middle school teacher in me. Kid is so starved for attention. Sad.

 

[Dar]

I agree that this boy was probably not well-parented, and seeing all these little kids getting the parental time and attention that he didn't get (and maybe never had) would be hard on some level... he might resent the little kids without even realizing it.

Treating him like a child will only encourage him to treat you like he wishes he could treat his mother, or maybe like her does treat her. And once you sink to his level , he felt pretty free to just let loose on you. I'm not trying to say that what he did and said was right - clearly it wasn't - but here are ways to interact with people like this that are more likely to get you what you need.

I would start by approaching this kid in a way that reinforces his right to the park, and also reinforces that he's stronger and more agile than the little kids. You could phrase it as noticing that the little kids are in the area where he's running, and they're really too young to be able to watch for bigger kids running, so could you show me where you'll be running through and we'll keep that path clear for you? You start by offer to prevent an inconvenience to him, and in that way get him to commit to a limited area for running through. And smile, and look him in the eye, and try to avoid telling him what to do because he won't see you as an authority anyway.

Dar
ETA I think it's great that you do have compassion for this kid, and are looking for more effective ways of interacting with him - a lot of people would just right him off as a brat, but one person can make a real difference with a kid like this!

 

[luckylady]

Quote:

I would start by approaching this kid in a way that reinforces his right to the park, and also reinforces that he's stronger and more agile than the little kids. You could phrase it as noticing that the little kids are in the area where he's running, and they're really too young to be able to watch for bigger kids running, so could you show me where you'll be running through and we'll keep that path clear for you? You start by offer to prevent an inconvenience to him, and in that way get him to commit to a limited area for running through. And smile, and look him in the eye, and try to avoid telling him what to do because he won't see you as an authority anyway.

This was our first approach until he hit one of the kids. It was almost as if he was determined to hit one of them. I don't know. Actually I think his intent was to irk the mamas, so it worked.

Ugh - it still has me so upset. I feel that had I not felt so angry maybe I could have done something better for him...

My DH said maybe his life is so miserable that he just doesn't care anymore.

There are no lifeguards because it's just surface water - like giant sprinkler sort of things.

 

[allgirls]

you have to protect the smaller children somehow...and of course you would be reactive...his behaviour was provoking...it is sad really, how a child gets pleasure out of picking on little kids and foul language...and you know this kid has had a rough start in life, something is missing(I am guessing GD) and now you have to deal with him.

I guess if you hadn't been angry then maybe you could have calmly expressed what you wanted him to do but he made you angry with his language and disrespect and of course that was what he was doing...he is probably used to dealing with anger, feeling anger and most of his actions are coming from that...so provoking anger is natural to him because it's what is familiar...if everybody were happy and he was happy, well that would be foreign to him...sad isn't it...and so many kids are that way.

I think you should chalk it up as a learning experience and an opportunity for discussion with your kids...

 

[polka123]

Quote:

I agree that this boy was probably not well-parented, and seeing all these little kids getting the parental time and attention that he didn't get (and maybe never had) would be hard on some level... he might resent the little kids without even realizing it.

NO, there is a whole bunch of just mean kids out there -

Quote:

It's sad, that kid is clearly in a lot of pain. I relate to your desire to reach out to this kid. That's the middle school teacher in me. Kid is so starved for attention. Sad.

pain....

: apparently you don't have guys don't have run in's with these types of kids.

I've asked kids/teen to turn down their music just a little b/c my babe was napping & was called everything. That's just minor. i've dealt with kids with drug problems, etc.

My DH is PD for 20 yrs & has seen a huge shift in young people. these kids feel they are above the law & if they get in trouble, Mommy/Daddy will bail them out. THey JUST DON'T CARE about anyone or anything !!!!!!!

thisi s what our society is promoting - - these kids sometmies come from caring, loving families & they were not taught certain morals/values.
I worked with gang kids for a spell - what an eye opener. No boundaries were ever made @ home.
They kids moved from terrorizing other kids to animals to people b/c everyone want to reason with them instead of having pay for their actions.

It's really scary out there & it's not just kids, it's adults too ! They act that way in front of their kids.

I don't have the answer but something needs to be done.

 

[boysrus]

when he said "you need to watch your kids" I wouild have just repeated my request that he not run into the little kids. When he ran away and called yu a name, I would hae left it at that. You "shamed" him(his thinking) and he has to save face with his friends. Your desired reaction was that he let the kids alone. Since he was running away, he was obeying that request. It is horrible that he called you a name but he needed to feel he had some control over the situation. I am not saying his response was correct, but I dont think there was anything you could have done to make him speak to you differently. If he is a kid that thinks it is ok to talks to adults that way, he is going to, no matter what you say. As you see, provoking him just escaltaes it. So, I guess you need to decide what is important, getting the kid to leave the babies alone or eaching the kid aout life. Probably you wont be able to teach him about life in that short period of time, so you hae to focus on what you can do, which is protect your babies. If he continued to come back, I would just repeat the requet over and over "please find somewhere else to play unless ou will play nicely with the babies" Ask the other moms to join with you. If he contnued, I would have called the police. If he was hitting adn knocking over babies, that is assault. The police could deal with him