[rumi]

what are the guidelines on what you can say to other kids who are behaving inappropriately? obviously you dont have the right or the responsibility to 'gently discipline' them but you have to intervene or your own kid will get hurt ...
i ask because of an incident that happened today, and my own feeling of unpreparedness to stand up for my kid if she is being handled or dominated by others.

it seems many other kids are 'more playful' than mine even when they first meet her. they dont feel at all shy to hold her hand or tickle her and she doesn't like this AT ALL. My daughter just turned 2. She is very bubbly and social among people she knows well, but will cry immediately if a new person gets too close too fast.

Today a girl in the library started tickling my dd and she squirmed uncomfortably. I was about 5 yards away and as I walked towards them i tried to say in a calm voice, "I dont think she likes you to do that." and then scooped up my dd who burst into tears. The girl's mother, without getting up from the computer just called out, 'no touching.'

What should I have done? What would you do? My daughter continued crying as we left the library. I tried to distract her with magazines etc and only when outside I said, "you didn't like that girl to tickle you did you. If anyone does that you shoudl say, "dont do that"" My dd looked very happy as I explained this to her. At last I had acknowledged the real issue and given her help in dealing with it.

But in the library, was there anything I could have done or said to the other girl? I operate on the assumption that you should not criticise or scold a child, esp someone else's. In this case perhaps it was not very serious, but in another case it could be. I dont want my daughter to get the message that when other people behave inappropriately we just have to put up with it and/or escape, just to avoid creating a scene.

 

[rumi]

Quote:

Just out of curiosity...did you go back into the library where you were after you talked?

no, we just went to the grocery store and home.
i think that if i had said the same things to her while still inside the library it may have been better. the situation did make me tense, and i got the feeling the other girl knew that my dd was uncomfortable and was doing it more. it is often hard for me to keep in mind in such situations that 'she is only 4'.... which is why i proabably needed the little walk outside to cool down and say something constructive.

 

[rumi]

thanks loreeleen

basically, when approached slowly my dd will warm up to people, whereas a too fast approach will turn her off and it will take 10x longer for her to warm up to that person. situations like this in the library dont give you that much time. so even something like introducing hte two kids or trying to suggest a more positive interaction would not work because it will take her some time to get over her hurt feelings, her sense of being overpowered, etc.

i am not sure if/what i should do about this - to show her that other people are friendly and mean well. i am just thinking that she will get this with time and i dont have to do anything in particular to 'teach' her that though i would certainly be open to suggestions that might help her see this sooner rather than later.