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Originally Posted by rumi
Today a girl in the library started tickling my dd and she squirmed uncomfortably. I was about 5 yards away and as I walked towards them i tried to say in a calm voice, "I dont think she likes you to do that." and then scooped up my dd who burst into tears. The girl's mother, without getting up from the computer just called out, 'no touching.'

What should I have done? What would you do? My daughter continued crying as we left the library. I tried to distract her with magazines etc and only when outside I said, "you didn't like that girl to tickle you did you. If anyone does that you shoudl say, "dont do that"" My dd looked very happy as I explained this to her. At last I had acknowledged the real issue and given her help in dealing with it.

But in the library, was there anything I could have done or said to the other girl? I operate on the assumption that you should not criticise or scold a child, esp someone else's. In this case perhaps it was not very serious, but in another case it could be. I dont want my daughter to get the message that when other people behave inappropriately we just have to put up with it and/or escape, just to avoid creating a scene.
I think that you handled the situation wonderfully! I could be wrong, but I think that you did what you could in the situation. I know, I feel comfortable gding my friend's children, or children in my classes. However, I try not to gd any stranger's children in a public setting, unless like today the other parent is inattentive, or unresponsive to the situation (I know I wouldn't be very happy with a non-gd parent disciplining my dd). You didn't want your dd to feel uncomfortable in the situation and removed her from it. I think that considering that it upset her and she was crying, it was appropriate to leave to calm her down and explain what she could do/say in future situations. Just out of curiosity...did you go back into the library where you were after you talked? I probably would have taken my dd back in after she was calm if she wanted to continue with the activity. I guess I would want her to learn that she could go back to an activity or interactions with other children if she wanted after she felt comfortable again, and that she didn't have to leave. It may also give her a chance to express her feelings and react using her words to the other child (with my support) if it were to reoccur. I think either way, this was a learning opportunity for everyone involved: you, your dd, and the other child.
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