[LaurenS]

I've suffered with depression my whole life. I choose not to take any medications for my depression. It definitely comes and goes. For the past month or so, I have been in this state of depression. Everything seems to bother me. I usually try to work through issues but lately I just don't have the energy to do it.
I'm wondering if there are other people out there who go through depressive states and how do you deal with GD? My three year old really seems to get on my nerves much faster when I am depressed and I don't have as much, okay let's face it, any patience. I sometimes yell at him and then he starts having a tantrum. Sometimes I walk away because in the moment, I can't deal with it. He's only being a normal three year old. I used to be so much better using methods of GD with him. The guilt of how I have been treating him lately is not helping my depression.
Any ideas will be appreciated.

-Lauren

 

[BellinghamCrunchie]

I, too, suffer from depression. I was having a particularly rough time these past few weeks and because I felt our DD was affected by me being depressed, decided to go to the doctor yesterday to talk about antidepressants. The only thing she would recommend for me was Zoloft because we are still nursing. I took Zoloft a long time ago and had really yukky side effects. I have the prescription but haven't yet decided whether to take it or not.

What helps me is to try to find activities that are enjoyable for both me and DD. Its hard when the depression makes me want to stay inside and withdraw. But that makes it worse for both of us because then DD becomes needier since she is stuck inside and bored. And when she is needier I become more depressed.

We took a long walk on the beach this morning. It was rainy and the beach is muddy but being outside, getting some exercise, changing the scenery, and seeing her happy lifted my mood.

I'm going to get a bicycle with a child seat. I think she will enjoy that, and its been so long since I have ridden a bicycle that I think it will be interesting, maybe exhilarating, even.

Sometimes just doing stuff that makes the hours pass faster is all you can do to get though the day. So even though I wouldn't exactly say I enjoy spending time talking with the neighbor and having coffee, when I look up, two hours have passed, DD has been having a great time playing with the neighbor's child, and in retrospect I haven't felt depressed for the previous two hours.

Taking DD someplace new is also good for the both of us. Its really hard to get the energy to get up and go, but I try to focus on the next thing. That's it. Just the next thing that is needed to get us closer to going out the door, and trying not to think about how overwhelming the whole process of getting out is. What do I need to do right now? Okay, I'm just going to brush my teeth and DD's teeth. Now what's needed? Oh, shoes. I try to stay focused solely in the moment of getting shoes on, however long that takes, without being attached to having them on soon. If we get to the point of being in the car, then maybe we'll go to the Children's Museum.

 

[Divaostrich]

This sounds like me! It took me a couple of months to even realize I was depressed!! I had a long haul with depression when I was a teenager, but really have not noticed problems with it until now.

I used to take 3 different medications when I was a teenager, but choose not to do so now. The meds before turned me into an unfeeling zombie. I don't think it would be fun for my kids to have a zombie for mom and be a zombie wife to my husband

. I am currently taking 10g of fish oil a day and am looking for a homeopathic practitioner to help me through w/out mainstream meds.

My main problem with my depression is the lack of energy/desire to do anything and I get angry and frustrated by everything!! I mean the smallest things, so I feel really bad for my family right now. The thing that has helped me was realizing that this is not normal for me and that I really am a good GD mom, I have a lot of knowledge, and with a world of willpower I can do it! I have not succeeded every day, but just recognizing that this is not me helps motivate me to try to not let it affect my kids.

My husband has been really supportive since my realization and has been helping/coaching me a lot when I am noticeably frustrated at the drop of a pin by taking over with the kids and letting me get some space to sort out my feelings and take charge of myself again.

 

[LaurenS]

Thanks for the comments. I really needed to hear them today. I feel a bit of energy just knowing that I reached out and that there are others who feel the same way. I'm not one to reach out for help too often.

I used to take Zoloft. I too had bad side effects. But there is a time and a place for meds. Right now I don't want to be on them. But I'm not saying never. They did help me in the past.
I didn't feel so much like a zombie on them like I was always scared I would feel like, but I did have a lot to deal with when I stopped taking them. Major issues I had been ignoring.
I am lucky to have a supportive husband. When he sees me getting like this, he tries to suggest things that will help. Like getting outside for a walk or something. And he is good about taking Mez out of the house so that I can have alone time. I do need to make more playdates for Mez because until I get through this, Mez needs to play with others besides me. I feel so bad when he asks me to play with him and I say no. I just can't get the energy. So it seems that I am able to get us out of the house and around others.

Thanks again.

-Lauren

 

[sphinx]

i'm another one, and my coping mechanisms include: planning events with friends and their kids, turning on music and dancing first thing in the morning, and making sure we leave the house for the day before i go stir crazy. but i haven't been very kind or gd to my dd lately, i feel it's all coming undone.

So I just wanted to say you are not alone. and maybe some kind of medication (herbs or something) could help? I take EFAs and vitamin B complex. And try to get enough sleep at night, that seems to really determine much of my mood in the daytime. Good luck.

 

[Dechen]

I go through depressive states, and I treat them through a combination of medication, natural supplements, and behavioral strategies. I know that I can't be the mom I want to be while depressed. My patience and creativity dwindle, and both of those are central to the way I GD.

Guilt in a situation like this is pointless, and it is most likely the depression talking. You do what you can do, whether or not that is what you think you should be able to do.

You may already know this, but for the sake of anyone reading this, these things are very helpful -
1,000 mg of EPA (found in fish oil) per day
Daily exercise
20 min + of sunshine (or light therapy) a day.
Not oversleeping.

Take care of yourself, dear. Depression is sucky, and lends itself to self hate waaaay too easily.

 

[trinity6232000]

Lauren I also have problems with depression. I have been diagnosed with bipolar as well, but I am lucky to be
able to recognize my moods and take care of myself well. In my own life with my dd I have been really been
truthful with her threw out her life about my depression. Well to different degrees depending on her age. She
knows Mommy gets cranky. We all have bad days. When I feel like I have had a reaction toward dd that wasn't
genuine, like being snappy, because I felt crappy, and not because of her actions. I make sure that I apologize.
We talk to each other about our feelings a lot. I see a lot of similarities between dd and myself as children. I
never shared my feelings and kept a lot inside. So I want to keep a open conversation on both of our feelings
with each other.
I am not snappy all the time, but I wanted to keep the open communication with dd so she knows that Mommy's
moods are not her fault. I want to acknowledge right after the moment that the way I talked was not polite
or fair. This has also helped dd to quickly acknowledge her own moods and apologize when she feels like she
was being crabby as well.

Remember the toddler years can be hard for the most stable and patient of Mama's. Give yourself a break. Be
the best you can. Don't hold on to past mistakes, and try better tomorrow. If we focus on past mistakes it won't
help our depression.

 

[croleRN]

I too am a momma of a 3yr old who is suffering depression and anxiety. Currently I am taking zoloft (not too much side effects for me), however - would like to wean off. I am taking EPA's and trying to get more exercise. However, I know - that for me, I am a much better momma while on meds. And - am nervous about trying to wean off, for that reason. The main reason I stated them anxiety when DD was a baby. I would have panic attacks. I do have a history of depression prior to DD, I just think it manifested differently. But I find that if I miss a dose or two, the fuse becomes increasingly shortened. I find myself doing & saying things I would never do.
Things that do help are like PP have mentioned...getting out, sunshine, activity. I also find - trying to "cherish" your child in the moment. I'm not sure how else to say it - but it brings me back to the point of where I need to be.

For all of us dealing w/ this and trying to be the best parent we can.

 

[Kylix]

For those of you who do not want to take medication or even those that are taking meds, have you considered cognitive behavioral therapy? It is just as effective as medication and it is short term with long term benefits.

As Lauren was saying, when you take medication, once you go off of it, the issues contributing to your depression are still there waiting to be dealt with. Therapy requires that you deal with those issues head on and teaches you skills to deal with them for the rest of your life. Medication is a bandaid. Therapy is so empowering. I recommend it highly.

Kylix

 

[familylove]

Hi Lauren,

I just wanted to reiterate what the pps have suggested. It is so hard to get through the day sometimes, much less take care of someone else. But please don't guilt yourself...you can't help what you're going through.

I think getting out of the house *really* helps, like Bellingham said, it makes the day pass faster and you're out in a new environment.

And, as Trinity said, when I'm having a really irritable day and snap at my son, I apologize to him and try to make sure he knows it's not his fault.

You might also might want to check out the Mental Health forum under "Health and Healing". There are a lot of moms dealing with the same issues as you.

Take care

 

[j924]

Another depressed unmedicated mama of a 3 yo. I think you are very brave to admit your feelings and perceived shortcomings here. Something must be up, because the last two weeks have been unbearable. One thing that has helped is lots of physical activity for me with or without dc. Swimming has been great and also long walks. It is so hard to begin, but it makes an enormous difference.

 

[NocturnalDaze]

I suffer from depression on and off very often. The way I deal with it is by constantly analyzing my reactions and trying to figure out what I could have done better. That way, when the situation comes up again I'm ready for it.

I just want to suggest to anyone who has depression issues to please get your Thyroid checked if you haven't already. Untreated thyroid symptoms look a lot like bipolar disorder.

 

[LaurenS]

Thank you everyone for your suggestions. Wow, I didn't expect so many responses. It's exactly what I needed. In addition it was great to hear from people going through the same thing. Not that I want others to be suffereing, but just knowing that I'm not alone makes me feel better.

-Lauren

 

[Brigianna]

I know this is easier said than done, but make sure you're getting enough sleep. For me, at least, it makes a big difference.

 

[ibex67]

just another voice piping in to say you are not alone.

I've been in treatment for moderate to severe depression for over a decade. both on meds and in therapy. i've made a lot of progress over the ears but I sitll have an episode or two of depression each year.

And yes, it definitely makes it hard for me to be the mom I want to be to my kids.

sending lots of hugs.

and yes, please try to counter any negative self-talk. it only exacerbates the depression.

 

[IAMINSANE]

Quote:

Originally Posted by LaurenS I've suffered with depression my whole life. I choose not to take any medications for my depression. It definitely comes and goes. For the past month or so, I have been in this state of depression. Everything seems to bother me. I usually try to work through issues but lately I just don't have the energy to do it. I'm wondering if there are other people out there who go through depressive states and how do you deal with GD? My three year old really seems to get on my nerves much faster when I am depressed and I don't have as much, okay let's face it, any patience. I sometimes yell at him and then he starts having a tantrum. Sometimes I walk away because in the moment, I can't deal with it. He's only being a normal three year old. I used to be so much better using methods of GD with him. The guilt of how I have been treating him lately is not helping my depression. Any ideas will be appreciated. -Lauren

I am TOTALY right where you are.

:

And I am trying not to spank this is a new thing for me because I have spanked in the past. I guess I just feel like I am in a vacume. I feel like my son is getting away with EVERYTHING because I am too mad to discipline him because I do not want to spank. I feel very alone in this. and when I talk about it I seemed to get attacked for it so we will see how it goes here.

 

[IAMINSANE]

Quote:

Originally Posted by BellinghamCrunchie I, too, suffer from depression. I was having a particularly rough time these past few weeks and because I felt our DD was affected by me being depressed, decided to go to the doctor yesterday to talk about antidepressants. The only thing she would recommend for me was Zoloft because we are still nursing. I took Zoloft a long time ago and had really yukky side effects. I have the prescription but haven't yet decided whether to take it or not. What helps me is to try to find activities that are enjoyable for both me and DD. Its hard when the depression makes me want to stay inside and withdraw. But that makes it worse for both of us because then DD becomes needier since she is stuck inside and bored. And when she is needier I become more depressed. We took a long walk on the beach this morning. It was rainy and the beach is muddy but being outside, getting some exercise, changing the scenery, and seeing her happy lifted my mood. I'm going to get a bicycle with a child seat. I think she will enjoy that, and its been so long since I have ridden a bicycle that I think it will be interesting, maybe exhilarating, even. Sometimes just doing stuff that makes the hours pass faster is all you can do to get though the day. So even though I wouldn't exactly say I enjoy spending time talking with the neighbor and having coffee, when I look up, two hours have passed, DD has been having a great time playing with the neighbor's child, and in retrospect I haven't felt depressed for the previous two hours. Taking DD someplace new is also good for the both of us. Its really hard to get the energy to get up and go, but I try to focus on the next thing. That's it. Just the next thing that is needed to get us closer to going out the door, and trying not to think about how overwhelming the whole process of getting out is. What do I need to do right now? Okay, I'm just going to brush my teeth and DD's teeth. Now what's needed? Oh, shoes. I try to stay focused solely in the moment of getting shoes on, however long that takes, without being attached to having them on soon. If we get to the point of being in the car, then maybe we'll go to the Children's Museum.

OMG all of this sounds EXACTLY what I am going thru! Maybe there is a glimmer of hope.

 

[Twilight]

Quote:

I'm going to get a bicycle with a child seat. I think she will enjoy that, and its been so long since I have ridden a bicycle that I think it will be interesting, maybe exhilarating, even.

This is a wonderful, wonderful idea... I take my DD biking and it is good therapy for both of us. We don't even have to go far... sometimes we do our grocery run on the bike, which is great because we see the same old places in a new light, but often we just ride to the playground and it's great.

I just wanted to put in a plug for a bike trailer instead of the child seat. If your bike tips over, the child seat will go over too - but trailers will stay upright, and they have roll cages, so they are much safer. Plus they have room inside for snacks and books. Don't forget helmets for both of you!

for feeling down and I hope getting out helps quite a bit.

 

[ryleeee]

just wanted to tell you i'm here too.

 

[kdmama33]

Get the book by Julia Ross, "The Mood Cure"! It has been such a great help to me. In fact, there is a discussion going on in the PPD forum about this book and natural ways to "cure" chemical depression.

I would also like to second the cognitive behavioral therapy idea. Even if chemically, you're "cured", it's often difficult to overcome ingrained behavioral patterns without some assistance.