well, I wish I were writing with advise, but I have got the same thing going on with my daughter 31/2. I have eliminated time out because it does not work. so now I try to work things through with her in a calm state. Problem is dd is usually all worked up about whatever limitations I am putting on her and won't listen. It is extrememy frusterating. and the whining, oh my, it drives me crazy. sometimes she acts so mean, and I am like "where did she learn to say that or make that face?" the worst part is when I realize she is mimicing me. I have to say no a million times a day. In the beginning I reserved that word, no, for serious stuff, and was more creative like "please use soft touches with your brother" instead of "stop being so rough" but she doesn't listen at all. so now I am no, no, no, stop it right now, and ugggggh! hope someone can give us advice or can suggest the best book to read.
GD with "determined" child - help!!
I can't seem to handle my 4 year old ds. He is so determined and stubborn and strong-minded.
I have 3 children, an older ds, 5, and an 8 month old dd. Life is pretty chaotic and I'm pretty tired a lot of the time, so I don't have a lot of energy for coming up with ways of dealing with ds#2. I just seem to end up threatening or yelling.
It drives me mad when he won't listen to me or when he laughs when I ask him to stop doing something. I do explain first time around why I don't want him to do X, but sometimes I think perhaps he doesn't take it in because there are too many words (not that he can't understand....). Other times he is just really determined to get his way and won't listen to "no" or understand when I warn him I'm getting angry - I have real problems with anger which I am trying to handle and I am not using that as a threat but as a genuine warning that he should stay away from me.
The whining drives me mad and I don't handle it at all well. Once I start feeling angry I am really not in a state to do anything except run away and that isn't easy because he comes after me - sometimes even if dh is around and happy to take over we have to resort to threats or something to get him to listen.
This is really not how I want to be. Ds is such a lovely child when he is happy and I see his stubborness as a wonderful strength in the long term. I don't want to scare it out of him or turn him into a person unable to express himself. Just sometimes I don't have the energy or strength to be what he might need from me.
I guess we are in a bad cycle and having started it is difficult to get out. Takes extra energy which I really don't have. Any suggestions on getting started would be more than welcome!
I have 3 children, an older ds, 5, and an 8 month old dd. Life is pretty chaotic and I'm pretty tired a lot of the time, so I don't have a lot of energy for coming up with ways of dealing with ds#2. I just seem to end up threatening or yelling.
It drives me mad when he won't listen to me or when he laughs when I ask him to stop doing something. I do explain first time around why I don't want him to do X, but sometimes I think perhaps he doesn't take it in because there are too many words (not that he can't understand....). Other times he is just really determined to get his way and won't listen to "no" or understand when I warn him I'm getting angry - I have real problems with anger which I am trying to handle and I am not using that as a threat but as a genuine warning that he should stay away from me.
The whining drives me mad and I don't handle it at all well. Once I start feeling angry I am really not in a state to do anything except run away and that isn't easy because he comes after me - sometimes even if dh is around and happy to take over we have to resort to threats or something to get him to listen.
This is really not how I want to be. Ds is such a lovely child when he is happy and I see his stubborness as a wonderful strength in the long term. I don't want to scare it out of him or turn him into a person unable to express himself. Just sometimes I don't have the energy or strength to be what he might need from me.
I guess we are in a bad cycle and having started it is difficult to get out. Takes extra energy which I really don't have. Any suggestions on getting started would be more than welcome!
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