Recently there's been a slew of all girl princess, ballet, and cindarella parties in our circle. Of the five or six I know of, my DS (who's 4) has only been invited to one. Many of these kids are girls he play a lot at nursery school but their mothers have told me they didn't invite DS because they assumed he wouldn't be interest in all the "girly stuff." The one party DS did go to, he had a wonderful time and really enjoyed the theme and the cake. Are people for real here? We're talking about 3 and 4 year olds! What's with all these all-girl parties? And why oh why would these parents want to highlight gender differences this early?
gender specific birthday parties
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nak-
we made this mistake when dd was 5. she insisted on an all girls party-it was a cookie baking/decorating party.
She chose to leave out her two male friends she had at the time. It really hurt their feelings.
She regrets it now.
She has decided that if a bd party has only one gender,it isn't for her.
BUT-since her special male playmate moved away, she is back to girly parties,,,,simnply because this is the type of party that works for her and her guests!!!!!
I have observed that HSed dc are less gender concerned.
Anyone else????
mp
we made this mistake when dd was 5. she insisted on an all girls party-it was a cookie baking/decorating party.
She chose to leave out her two male friends she had at the time. It really hurt their feelings.
She regrets it now.
She has decided that if a bd party has only one gender,it isn't for her.
BUT-since her special male playmate moved away, she is back to girly parties,,,,simnply because this is the type of party that works for her and her guests!!!!!
I have observed that HSed dc are less gender concerned.
Anyone else????
mp
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975 Posts
My ds1 was invited to the neighbor girl's party (they play EVERY day) and it was a very girl party but the mom had a special "boy" party favor bag and plate/napkin/cup just for ds. It was nice and he had a blast regardless of what princess may have been involved!
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I don't think that anyone should be excluded just because a little girl or boy decides they want a certain style party.
I don't think that anyone should be excluded just because a little girl or boy decides they want a certain style party.
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20,157 Posts
I don't think wanting a princess party is odd, I think *assuming* a boy wouldn't want to go is odd though. Same with "sports" for girls. Esp at that young of an age. DS even got hair clips at a birthday party in the last year (okay, the parents thought it was a hoot--- he still had really long hair at the time).
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DS was the only boy at a princess party a couple of years ago and they gave him a gender specific giftbag (cars, sports stickers). He traded with a little girl to get a little doll and some jewelry. It was so sweet!
We had a space party when ds turned 5 and had a 50/50 mix of boys and girls. We made rockets and pretty much everyone had a great time.
| I don't think wanting a princess party is odd, I think *assuming* a boy wouldn't want to go is odd though. |
DS was the only boy at a princess party a couple of years ago and they gave him a gender specific giftbag (cars, sports stickers). He traded with a little girl to get a little doll and some jewelry. It was so sweet!
We had a space party when ds turned 5 and had a 50/50 mix of boys and girls. We made rockets and pretty much everyone had a great time.
Gender specific anything at this age really bothers me. My son has mostly girl friends (3 yo) and some of them have had princess parties. Which is fine... they like princesses. I was glad that he was still invited, but a little put off that there were "girl" favors and "boy" favors. Also, I always get mixed looks when I give non-gender specific gifts. I gave one girl a toddler golf set... something active and fun to do outside... and another girl a set of Lincoln Logs. Both girls looked excited about the gifts (something that doesn't blind them with fushia and glitter). I even over heard one Mom comment that she used to play with Lincoln Logs when she was a kid, but pointed out that they weren't hers, they were her brothers. That was actually what went through my mind when I bought them for her... that she didn't have any brothers, so if I didn't buy them for her, she would never get a chance to play with something like that. What a shame.
Also, when my son had his birthday, I had one Mom tell me that she sent her husband out to buy his gift since she had no idea what to buy for a boy. Is it really that hard? I just don't see the need for such a difference in what is considered boy or girl toys!
Now I have a little girl, almost 1 yo, and she LOVES this little baby doll she has, where as I never observed this behavior with any toy my son had. He'd get excited about trains and trucks. My girl does too. My son has a baby doll that he asked for when his sister was born... and a pink stroller to push her around in (only color they came in). His favorite color was pink for a long time... pink hat, pink shoes, pink trucks, pink bike (but that's a girl's bike!!!)
And trying to shop for my daughter irks me to no end. There is zero creativity when it comes to children's clothes... not enough basic colors, basic fabrics for either sex. How hard is it to make simple shirts and pants in a variety of colors? Kids don't need to make a statement with thier clothes.
Anyway, I've got another princess party coming up. I've been told that she likes to dress up like princesses and has everything disney. I've decided to get some "unconventional" dress up clothes for her. A bright silk scarf, maybe a grass skirt, or a dress from another culture. Should be fun.
Sorry for the long vent,
Also, when my son had his birthday, I had one Mom tell me that she sent her husband out to buy his gift since she had no idea what to buy for a boy. Is it really that hard? I just don't see the need for such a difference in what is considered boy or girl toys!
Now I have a little girl, almost 1 yo, and she LOVES this little baby doll she has, where as I never observed this behavior with any toy my son had. He'd get excited about trains and trucks. My girl does too. My son has a baby doll that he asked for when his sister was born... and a pink stroller to push her around in (only color they came in). His favorite color was pink for a long time... pink hat, pink shoes, pink trucks, pink bike (but that's a girl's bike!!!)
And trying to shop for my daughter irks me to no end. There is zero creativity when it comes to children's clothes... not enough basic colors, basic fabrics for either sex. How hard is it to make simple shirts and pants in a variety of colors? Kids don't need to make a statement with thier clothes.
Anyway, I've got another princess party coming up. I've been told that she likes to dress up like princesses and has everything disney. I've decided to get some "unconventional" dress up clothes for her. A bright silk scarf, maybe a grass skirt, or a dress from another culture. Should be fun.
Sorry for the long vent,
Kanga-(and others!) 
I *totally* hear what you are *saying*,but I have learned that it is the difference in boys and girls, and what I'm talking about, is what they *come* to us with-that we need to respect and support.
I think we are not right to assume that a boy/girl may not be interested in such and such.....so we need to at least offer them the choices.
My ds is what many outsiders would consider "all boy" he has always been obsessed with balls and trains and things that MOVE!!!!!! *BUT* he also has 2 dolls that he plays with,(though many times he stuffs them into the back of his Tonka semi!),loves to play dressup with heels(YUCK!!!!!!!!!!!) pink scarves,etc....he has carried bright pink purses and dolls to Target many days.
But he MOSTLY prefers balls,trains,construction stuff. If I took him to Target and let him loose, he wouldn't fill the cart with dresses and glitter body gel,he would fill it with trucks and balls!!!!! And this is fine!
I was determined to keep Barbie out of our house-*I* was a true "tomboy" and hated Barbies and everything she stood for. I had a friend who knew this, and she shyly called me one day to let me know that her dd had told her she wanted "breasts" just like Barbie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was stunned cause she said this with a huge pause afterwards.......well,her little dd followed it up, with saying the reason was so she could have "lots" of nursies for her babies!!!!!!!!!
Shortly thereafter, dd was invited to a Barbie theme party.....I then allowed Barbie into our house-and dd played with them for about a year-and she *now*rarely pays attention to them. She prefers regular dolls or animals,puzzles,games,etc....
I guess what I'm trying to say, is that we shouldn't exclude boy/girls from activities/things....but rather, we should give them the choice. Even if it isn't something they would prefer to do at home, doesn't mean they wouldn't have fun with it!!!!
I am sick to death of people trying to push/pull their kids away from certain things-just because it does-or doesn't- fit the gender stereotype.
Typed with good intentions........
mp
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I *totally* hear what you are *saying*,but I have learned that it is the difference in boys and girls, and what I'm talking about, is what they *come* to us with-that we need to respect and support.
I think we are not right to assume that a boy/girl may not be interested in such and such.....so we need to at least offer them the choices.
My ds is what many outsiders would consider "all boy" he has always been obsessed with balls and trains and things that MOVE!!!!!! *BUT* he also has 2 dolls that he plays with,(though many times he stuffs them into the back of his Tonka semi!),loves to play dressup with heels(YUCK!!!!!!!!!!!) pink scarves,etc....he has carried bright pink purses and dolls to Target many days.
But he MOSTLY prefers balls,trains,construction stuff. If I took him to Target and let him loose, he wouldn't fill the cart with dresses and glitter body gel,he would fill it with trucks and balls!!!!! And this is fine!
I was determined to keep Barbie out of our house-*I* was a true "tomboy" and hated Barbies and everything she stood for. I had a friend who knew this, and she shyly called me one day to let me know that her dd had told her she wanted "breasts" just like Barbie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was stunned cause she said this with a huge pause afterwards.......well,her little dd followed it up, with saying the reason was so she could have "lots" of nursies for her babies!!!!!!!!!
Shortly thereafter, dd was invited to a Barbie theme party.....I then allowed Barbie into our house-and dd played with them for about a year-and she *now*rarely pays attention to them. She prefers regular dolls or animals,puzzles,games,etc....
I guess what I'm trying to say, is that we shouldn't exclude boy/girls from activities/things....but rather, we should give them the choice. Even if it isn't something they would prefer to do at home, doesn't mean they wouldn't have fun with it!!!!
I am sick to death of people trying to push/pull their kids away from certain things-just because it does-or doesn't- fit the gender stereotype.
Typed with good intentions........
mp
Oh, I totally agree. I can see my kids gravitate more toward the perscribed gender specific toys, but they appreciate a mix and non-gender descript toy/clothes/activities... My son went through a stage where he wanted pony tails because he saw me wearing them... his hair was long enough, so I gave him pony tails. His teachers would do the same, and other kids (boys and girls) started asking for pony tails... well, some of the parents were not too happy to find their little men with pig tails in their hair. The teachers (who are great) explained that it was something the kids had all been interested in and they could see no reason why they should deny a child of pony tails just because he was a boy. I get upset that some parents go 100% with the gender specific stuff. And I hate that I find myself feeling the need to justify my son's pink hat, or my daughters blue shirts. Why do I need to justify it with "well, he really likes trucks, or she's wearing her brother's hand-me-downs"
Geeze, I'm really getting a bit too preachy for even my own tastes. I just dread the day when I throw a party for my daughter and she gets nothing but bright pink plastic "princess" wands and kiddie makeup.
Geeze, I'm really getting a bit too preachy for even my own tastes. I just dread the day when I throw a party for my daughter and she gets nothing but bright pink plastic "princess" wands and kiddie makeup.
This hasn't happened in my daughter's group of friends (5-year-olds, mostly). One of my daughter's best friends is a boy, and she has a few other good male friends, so even if she wanted a "princess party," I would suggest another idea or at least make it a "princess and knight" party so the boys wouldn't feel left out. And I would never NOT invite a child because of his gender. That's just wrong, IMO. Kids do enough to separate themselves by gender as they get older - parents are supposed to balance that, not encourage it!
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