[bridgermama]

Our 2 yo ds starts off the night on a futon in his own room and then usually comes in to my dh's and my bed at some point during the night. We have never done CIO and don't want to start now, but I have a problem with getting him to sleep.

At bedtime, ds has gotten used to me lying next to him until he falls asleep, and then I try to stealthily sneak off once he's out. The problem is that it's taking him longer and longer--like about an hour--to fall asleep. I sometimes feel as if I'm actually keeping him awake longer by staying, as he has started to anticipate my going and doesn't let himself relax.

After all this monkey business, by the time I get down to the living room, my husband is ready to go to bed, but I'm not. I crave a little time to myself after a day with the boy, so I end up staying up too late at night. But I miss time with my dh--I really feel like our lack of time together is starting to take its toll.

I've been trying to talk to my son about learning to fall asleep without me right there. I reassure him that we'll still cuddle and tell stories like we always do, but I just won't stay as long. I tell him that I'll come if he really needs me, but it would make me happy for him to try to lie quietly in his room after I leave. Not surprisingly, he still really fights my leaving. We've tried having my dh take over the nighttime soothing, with occasional success--but that doesn't solve the problem of dh and I having no time together.

Do any of you have any ideas about how to help our son learn that he can get to sleep on his own without resorting to CIO? I really want him to continue to feel that he can rely on and trust us at night--but I also want to help him move toward being able to feel safe about going to sleep on his own.

Thanks!

 

[ctdoula]

Oh, I have SO been there. If I lay down with my dd, she'll take FOREVER to go to sleep. Literally I'll be asleep first, LOL.

When my dd turned 2 we bought her a bed for her room. She wanted to sleep there & we were cool with that. She still nurses at night, but often doesn't fall asleep with nursing. What has worked for us is dd is allowed to read as many books as she wants, but she isn't allowed to get out of bed. If she needs more books, she calls me (she reads by the tiny nightlight & the hall light, the actual lights in her room are off). The consequence of her gettting out of bed is the gate to her room gets closed (there is a door there, but it doesn't have a knob, so we have a gate in the doorway). It only had to be closed ONE time. Now, she doesn't get upset at all (except for getting her jammies on, but that's another story, LOL). We read 2 books together, nurse & if she's still awake, I give her books & leave.

I think at age 2 they're able to understand simple consequences & it's not unreasonable to think he can entertain himself until he falls asleep. JMO.
HTH

 

[allismom]

No advice, but I am with you! Alli is 22 months old and since Thanksgiving we have been trying to teach her to fall asleep on her own, and in her own bed. She still comes into our bed to sleep halfway through the night, which is fine, but we wanted to teach her to be able to go to sleep without nursing or rocking.

Anyway, she is doing it, but only with us laying beside her. So I am sure in another 6-9 months I'll be begging for a solution to not having to lay there!