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Discussion Starter #1
I always thought my relationship with MIL was average / pretty good. Meanwhile, i think my relationship with mom is getting so tense i often find myself thinking, "MIL never treated / talked to me like that!"<br><br>
anyone else? whaddo i do???
 

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Meeee!!! I have had a rough relationship with my mother lately. She is selfish and is never in the mood or can "handle" watching my ds... he is really good too. She is just self centered and only want to talk and discuss her life situation and problems. I just cant deal with her anymore so I've been ignoring/limiting conversations the last few months.<br>
MIL is moving up here to be closer to us and to be a grandma! I just cant wait to have her up here to help out since babe #2 will be here next month and I've NEVER had any help/support from my own mom.<br>
I don't have any advice but I totally feel the same way. MIL never speaks mean to me and is always willing to listen to my problems... what a concept! I'm starting to get very bitter against my mom and really don't care if she has a relationship with either of my children... what has she ever done for them!<br>
Sorry... I guess I get fired up talking about it.
 

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At some points in my life, yes. Now they're about the same but different. I get to enjoy my relationship with MIL without all of the baggage of years of growing up with her. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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i often wish mil was my actual mom! she rocks while my actual mom is a sick woman....<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/gloomy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Gloomy">:
 

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I love my mom, but I can only handle her in small doses. If we are around each other for too long we will fight - we are so much alike we drive each other crazy. I get along better with my MIL better because we're very different and have lots to talk about. Heck, we're going on a vacation with MIL and SIL in May!
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>QuestionGal</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7888784"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">me too! My mother & I have always had a tense relationship... she's never been the warm, fuzzy type and made it a point to tell us repeatedly what a burden we were for her (then she'd go back to sipping her best friend... wine from a box). Now that I'm an adult she's become passive agressive and manipulative.<br><br>
I don't flaunt it in front of my mom... I'm polite and have an "acquaintance" level relationship with her. She KNOWS that our relationship is bad but I don't think she knows I go to MIL.</div>
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Gosh, I think we have the same mom only substitute pot for wine. I really dig my MIL and I appreciate the work she puts into being a grandma. I look forward to her visits because she makes my life easier whereas my mom, when she deigns to visit, just makes more work.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
the thing is i just dont get it .... it was never this way before i became a mom, which you'd think would thrill mom to pieces, which it did ... but then it just became so clear she resented anything dh did that differed from how she would do it, and gradually latter became so variable it was clearly impossible for him to do anything right, and this extended to me for any support i'd give him. and these were all very little things, like what kind of soup he might give her or the fact that he "teased" in ways she disliked etc.<br><br>
nowadays i feel like i spend time with her because she is my mom and she's getting older (which she keeps reminding me) and so forth, whereas MIL and SIL are much more fun to be with. And would never guilt me if I declined an invitation, no questions asked. But with mom, an entirely different story ... it's like she is judging me all the time.<br><br>
the thing is she is a very good woman at heart, loves dd, etc and so i feel like i ought to make more effort to forgive her shortcomings and do whatever i can so she believes i care about her ... but it is just getting too tense these days. <sigh>
 

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My MIL has recently become my lifeline. She's unstable when she's not on her meds. But she's on a new med and she's more of a mom then my mom. My mom has never been the super super mothering type person. When we had my specialist appointment monday I called my MIL who went up to the hospital with us, sat in back holding my hand and cuddling me and rubbing my tummy. Then when we found out that the baby would hang on for 2 more weeks my mil started bawling and telling me that God had a special plan. When I tell MY mom this stuff she'll say things like 'If the baby dies God didn't want you to have it' <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 
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