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my stbx *is* 'trying', and he really is, but he won't get help either. and I'm just VERY skeptical.

My parents have been down that road. My mother has left my father 5 times, divorced him once. After a while he always convinces her to 'get back' together, try it again...blah blah. My father is a good man, don't get me wrong. No drinking, gambling or any addictions, he doesn't smoke or anything.he's not good at showing affection, and can be very mean and borderline verbally abusive during early teen/teen years of his daughters. He doesn't make my mother happy. she admits it was a mistake to even marry him in the first place. but she always feels so bad for him *he really loves he even if he can't show it*

Things are always better for a while after they get back together. They've done it all, counceling, spiritual retreats, etc. In the end, everyone goes back to their 'old ways' 90% of the time. and then my mom leaves him, yet again. It's been happening for almost 10 years. My little sister has grown up seeing that (and my 2 divorce/separations). I feel for her, and i think in the end it would have been more stable for her if they just called it quits and kept the peace.

As far as my STBX goes, he hasn't controled his drinking well in the past. when we where staying with him for 2 weeks we woke up to him passed out (after throwing up in the living room), and then he woke me up one night to help him clean himself up because he was plastered and had blacked out/thrown up. He (a month later) claims it's all "under control" and has gone from "i'm never drinking again" to "i'm only having 2 drinks max". which I have a feeling in the end will become getting drunk again. He also couldn't respect his own rule of "no violent video games until DD is in bed", but he has done some changing in his perspective in life and he does want to strive to be 'happy'.

Now me.....I'm very stable, I have NO need of being verbally abused (and it always happens if he's angry, even if he apologizes right away), wonder if he's ACTUALLY going to stick to his "i'm not drinking too much" promises etc etc etc. My daughter is no better watching it up close.

I think people need to get their 'act together' on their own, and THEN there can be 'forgiveness' and perhaps a new start. But to me there's a risk in the 'i promise i'll change....lets try it now' way.

and if you didn't knwo the first 18 you know in the future?...
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