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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Well, brief summary- up until last fall, H was a good husband/dad. Not great but okay. In October he dropped the D-bomb. I was shocked and obviously crushed! After a month of me trying to be the perfect wife to win him back, he revealed to me that he was a sex addict and had cheated on me 18 times. When I said, "Forget it, I'm through!", he lost it. We had several domestics (NEVER physical thank God!) and the cops definitely know my house! He's been in his own apartment since December and even had a gf from about January-June. (I had dated someone for a few mos as well.) Divorce seemed eminent. We have a divorce agreement 90% hammered out. All this time I've begged him to go into therapy- for our marriage, for the kids, for himself. He never would. Finally, today he did an intake at a local program that does partial in-patient programs. He's going to end up going 3 or 5 days/wk. It's gotten to the point that I think he finally agrees that something is seriously wrong with him and his actions have gone beyond his control. I just pray to God this helps. I want to stay married. I want to overcome this horrific year!
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
No, I'm not upset by anyone's reactions. I did go to a therapist the first few mos of our separation.

I admit that he is halfway clever- because I never knew the first 18 times!

He has his apartment until December and then it's a month-to-month lease so I'm all set on him staying put where he is. I even told him yesterday that our trust issues are not going to be solved overnight.

It's hard because I know that no one would ever blame me for leaving and then again, I want to be the couple who survives tragedy. And I have looked into co-dependency org's for sex addiction.

Even though he's done horrible things that affected me I also feel for him because of childhood abuse, death in the family, and severe ADHD. I didn't realize how horribly these things affected him and how it's all compounded. I want him to survive and overcome.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Okay.....just so you girls know, I am SO done. He never did go to the partial hospitalization. He said that he refused to answer a couple questions during the evaluation. He does plan to see the therapist (a specialist in his AREAS of problems) but I'm done. I'm sick of the rollercoaster. I said, "I want off. And if you cared about me even a little bit, you'd leave me alone and stop trying to get me back." This conversation was Thursday. I heard from him on Friday because his great aunt is dying and he wanted to know if I wanted to visit her (200 miles away). Yeah, I like her a lot, but uh....I have kids and no relatives nearby. Obviously not a priority in his mind!

Spoke to him yesterday about the divorce agreement...or I should say he spoke to me and I blew him off. I can't handle the discussions anymore. I'm the person, if anyone recalls, where he won't pay for college for the kids and also wants CS to stop at 18. There was a lot of other legal language that got corrected to my lawyer's satisfaction. Now there's just the 18-and-he-drops-them-like-a-hot-potato bit. Anyone else whose divorce is over willing to share their arrangement in this area? The college bit- I've already told myself that I don't care. If he's such a crappy dad and can look at his kids when they start college and say, "I refuse to help", then so be it! I will struggle with them and do what we can. I am a strong believer in education and no matter what, they will not go without! By the time they're 18, they can know the FULL truth about their dad and what a selfish ass he can be.

But the CS worries me a bit. Let's say the kids don't graduate on time. As their bdays fall, they'll both graduate at 17 and turn 18 soon after. If they (I'm thinking Chandler- my wild almost 3 yr old- lol) enter K late and are 18 all senior year, I'll have no CS that yr. I could always get CS readjusted later on. How hard is that? Also, stbx gets a raise every April. Do I have to file for new CS amounts every year?

So sad and yet so happy the door on my marriage is closed.
 
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