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i'm 6 weeks pg right now and i still don't know if it was a smart move! mostly i have my doubts late at night when dd wakes me to nurse and i start to wonder if i'll be ruining everyone's life by having this baby. if she'll hate her sibling the way i did mine. if my milk will dry up and her heart will break because of it. if she'll get sick for the first time in her life because she's not nursing. if i have the mental and emotional fortitude to survive being a single mother until i am 28 freaking weeks pregnant. if i can handle 2 children. if i can survive another labor and birth (21+ hours of back labor). if my husband will even be there for the birth.

in the day time it doesn't look as bleak. i have to tell myself that doubts are normal. that a baby is a joy and that dd will love having another little person around to commiserate with over the weirdness of her parents. that it will all work out, and that since i got pregnant on the one time we had sex that month, that it must be part of some greater plan for my life.
 
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