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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
A couple of months ago I was absolutely dying to have another baby. Thinking about it constantly, wanting to do it as soon as we could. Then we decided that it might be best to wait so I can finish some schooling and get something secure job-wise in my life so I can work from home. Fine, I was okay with that, but still wanted it. Then we did a major move, and things have been chaotic, but they are getting better. Now we have decided that we should have #2 ( my dd is almost two and a half) sooner rather than later, and I figured out a way to do my schooling in half the time, with less time away from my dd...go figure...but NOW the thought of having another child in a year, and just being pregnant again, is freaking me out. I am seriously thinking that I don't want to do it.

Am I just getting cold feet? Should I even consider it while feeling this way? We were thinking we would wait until our dd was four of five, but now she will be about three and a half and I am nervous about it. I was getting pretty used to the idea of waiting. I need to get into the baby groove again...

Anyone else btdt?
 

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I think that's a good sign you're not ready & should wait until you feel ready.

My sister got pregnant faster than anticipated and she was nervous about it all. It stressed her out a lot and wasn't very good for her, the baby or her son.

I think it's better to be sure than rush into any time thing. No matter what, there's good & bad about every spacing of children. I think when it feels "right" it will work out well for all of you.
 

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I think it's tough to figure out if it is just cold feet, nervousness, or if it actually means that you're not ready. 6 months ago I truly wasn't ready - the thought of finding out I was pregnant would freak me out, and make me really sad at the idea of my one on one time with ds coming to an end.

I am feeling more ready now. Ds is 28 months, and has all of a sudden become so much more independent. I am starting to see how much he would love having a sibling, and the ways in which having a second baby would be easier - someone to play with, etc. I'm still nervous about how I am going to handle the hard parts of pregnancy (being tired, nauseous) with an active toddler, and can't for the life of me figure out how I will possibly survive with a newborn waking at night and a toddler that still wants to nurse at 5am.

But, I definitely feel like we're ready. We feel that if we wait too long, we would be so out of the groove of babyness that it would be that much harder to get back into it. Plus, I don't really want the kids to be 5 years apart, because I feel like it will just really separate dh and I as we take them to do their separate activities.

I still get nervous at the idea of TTC next month, but am excited too. Six months ago I was not excited at all at the thought, just scared.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Oceanbaby, you could have been talking straight from my mouth. When was your ds born? Mine is 28 mo too. And we feel exactly the same way. I want to be in a relatively same frame of mind in regards to doing baby things, rather than the children being 5 and a nb and completely different. This way they would still be interested in the same type of playing, and be more on the same level, and I think it would be easier for me as well, in that respect. Before I thought it would be easier just b/c dd would be older and it would be easier to explain things to her, and she could help out more, but now I'm not so sure. I think it would be great that way too, but i think she would be wonderful at 3 1/2 b/c she is still in the I really want to please you state, and do things with mommy. She "babies" her dolls, and rocks them to sleep, and today she was comforting me.
I think she would be wonderful. The nursing scares me too, since dd wakes about 3x a night to nurse at least, but maybe by then it will be less. And don't get me started on worrying about the nausea and exhaustion...and I will be in school too. But there is a big part of me that is excited about it too. I'm just having a panic attack b/c we are serious this time, and it could be soon. And I think that is natural. Especially when you already have a very attached toddler.

Too bad we don't live closer! We could go through this together! But maybe in a way we can.
Thank you so much for your post, it was very comforting to know someone is there too.

L.J., I, too, think at times that that is a sign to wait, and I am going to wait a bit to see if my feelings change. I, too, think that it is more important to wait for when you are ready than to do it just b/c of timing. When I think of it, I am nervous and scared but I also know that I want it. It's just hard with such conflicting emotions. You go through soooo much in a pregnancy, and the first year with a baby and the first trimester of my last was really tough, and now that I know what I'm in for, it's more nervewracking wondering if I can handle it while having a demanding toddler as well. But I have a while to prepare myself.


Honestly it's just hard sometimes to imagine it not just being me and my dd. Not that I think it wouldn't be wonderful having another, but we are such a couple, I guess I just haven't really allowed myself to go there and be there seriously. It's tougher than I thought it would be. But wonderful too.
 

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I am right there with you! My son is 25 months old. I've said all along that I wanted him to be 3 when the next one comes. But that means ttc in November, and I'm not quite ready.

I'm building up a new teaching studio, and I don't know anyone in the area that could take over my Suzuki students when I take maternity leave. I took almost 4 months off with ds, and it wasn't quite enough time. (I only took 2 months off from performing, and that was just foolish!)

I can't imagine ds nursing - my breast were SO sore with my last pregnancy. Last night, while ds was nursing to sleep, I tried to imagine what his bedtime routine might be like with a newborn sibling.

I think I'm going to talk to dh about waiting until January to try. Then we would have an October baby at the earliest. (I also really don't want another August baby. Summer was just miserable.) He's antsy to get this baby project rolling. He says he isn't getting any younger.
 

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I feel that way too, only I'm 3.5 months along! I wanted another baby so badly for many reasons; I just knew I wanted him (or her); I'm older; I wanted them close together (which they aren't anyway); I'm looking forward to the mat leave....stuff like that.

Anyway, I trust that it will all work out, and I also trust that I wanted this baby, even if I'm nervous now. All the reasons I was in a hurry, though, don't seem so important now.

Jen
 

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Ds was born May 15, 2001. Bellasmum - you say you live near the ocean, so do I. Which coast are you on?

It is so comforting to hear that others have this same hesitation.
 

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Oooo, I know these feelings well. We started TTC in June, even though I was uncertain. I felt like this was my Monkey Mind (for those who don't do yoga, that's the chattering judge who tells you you can't do anything, at least not right). So I told the Monkey Mind I was going to ignore her, and go ahead anyway, because at my age, you can't hang around wondering toooo long.

I had a faint pink line, and we were extatic. But then I turned out not to be pregnant, and my period came. An early miscarriage? I was devastated.

But then Ms. Monkey has been chiming in that this was probably for the best, as I am incapable of handling two children. I've relished lots of little moments with Dh and Dd, Ms. Monkey chattering that if I had was pregnant or had a baby at these moments, they would be disturbed by exhaustion, exhaustion, and exhaustion. Or the need to leave the intimate little bubble to tend some need.

Still, I ignore Ms. Monkey and we go on our TTC way. Over the past 3 days I've been feeling much more ready. Why?

Dd has started using her "babysize toilet," AND she is asking for "my own babysize bed." The prospect of a little lower maintenance for her, at least on a physical level, does a lot to alleviate my anxiety. I really wanted 4 in a bed, and I rue the day I let a storybook with a toddler bed into the house. BUT I have low milk supply chronically, and to sucessfully nurse Dd, I had to do frequent switching side to side because this is what turned out to work for us. When I think of 4 in a bed, and doing this, I don't see any way to keep the babies separated (Dd is still nursing and I'd like her to continue as long as she wants, even though her being weaned would really lower my worry-level) and get any sleep at the same time.

Last night as she slept on my arm, I cried that those days were numbered. I don't want to hurry Dd along in any way, to weaning or her own bed, because I'll feel awful if I don't get pregnant. But as I cried I also heard baby-spirits saying "things are looking good - this will be a lot easier on her now."

Edited to add: I also felt for a long time like Dd and I would not necessarily welcome a third party. But I see how she loves her little animals and nurses her dolls and makes sure they get things to eat and bottoms cleaned, and I see she has so much love in her, that it would be a big change, but not a wrong change, if there was a baby.

I've worried because she complains (aka often shreiks) when Dh and I show affection for each other. What would she do if I was holding a baby? But even that's getting better - instead of shreiking or crying, sometimes she'll laugh and put her lips on mine before he can get to me, then she'll stay there giggling until he says he gives up.

As for nursing another baby, I've also worried about that less, now that she often wants the company of a stuffed animal on the other side.

I've said in the past, I think the answer for a lot of such anxieties is tincture of time. But you also have to do like my yoga teacher says and quiet the monkey mind. Or if you can't quiet it, at least know when not to take it's every instruction.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Curious, That was a beautiful post. Thank you so much. I love your explanation of the Monkey Mind, which is so prevalent in me about everything. I do really need to work on quieting it to a lower level. And all you say is very true. My daughter, too, is very nurturing and loving, and I do believe it is my own insecurity and troubled experiences of life which makes me think that there will be only so much love to go around for her, or an exceptional amount of jealousy, or that our family trio will be somehow broken apart or screwed up rather than made richer and deeper and more loving and exceptional. I see how much she has to give, how much I do too, and in a way I think having another baby, and being pregnant would awaken that awareness again.

Oceanbaby, I live on the West Coast of Canada, the Sunshine Coast to be exact. Where are you?

All of these posts make me feel so much better, just to know I'm not alone, and not crazy. I want it to be the right time, but it has to feel right to me too, because I know I want to do it soon, maybe just not immediately. But I also know that if it happened that would be wonderful too. It's actually nice just to think about it again, and have a little time to dwell in the feeling.
 

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When it's the right time, you'll know! I had cold feet until about 6 mos. before we got pg. Then it just felt right. I'm glad we waited. Dd will be 3 years 2 mos. when our baby comes and she's a very spirited child. The first trimester was very tough.

Darshani
 

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dh and i started ttc #2 in june and i thought i might not be ready, but dh feels old and wants to be finished having children before he feels 'really old' (40). we're still working on it, but i knew i was ready when ds took his first steps and i burst into tears because my little man is going to be a toddler before i can blink, and because i was absolutely devastated when i didn't get pregnant. *sigh* we're keeping our fingers crossed for this month, but if it doesn't happen we're waiting till next year because i refuse to have a summer due date or third trimester.

i don't think that having cold feet about #2 necessarily means that you're not ready, but it does mean that you might need to do a bit more thinking. yeah, thinking is always good.
.
 

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Bellasmum - I'm on the coast in California. Bummer to be so far apart. I spent the first 8 years of my life in B.C., and still travel there every once in awhile to see friends. Beautiful place - I miss a lot of things about living in Canada.
 

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Quote:
Originally posted by eilonwy
we're keeping our fingers crossed for this month, but if it doesn't happen we're waiting till next year because i refuse to have a summer due date or third trimester.
I loved a summer third trimester and birth. I was freezing cold my whole pregnancy, and tired too. I felt like I had icicles inside. When it finally got warm my energy picked up and I felt so much better. My third trimester was my best.

Just goes to show, every pregnancy is different.
 

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:LOL Really? You're so lucky.. I was boiling hot, sweating to death for both my second and third trimesters with Eli. I remember going to class in shorts and a t-shirt and trying to figure out why everyone else was wearing sweaters. :LOL It was a nice change for me, because before I was pregnant I was freezing all the time, but it was really awful over the summer; All I can remember about it is the three days without a/c and walking to my prenatal appointments & getting there a sweaty mess.
 
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