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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
This started as a response to another thread, until I realized I was hijacking it. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>LeosMama</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">We feel like the SAHparent has to manage the household; that means cooking, cleaning, parenting, doctor appts for everyone, managing insurance and bills and all clerical stuff, managing vehicle maintenance, house maintenance, etc.</div>
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Eeeek. Am I just a loser for not getting anything done around the house on the days I'm home with my 10-month-old? Sometimes he can entertain himself in the kitchen while I'm cooking, but most of the time my attention needs to be 100% on him or he cries. I can dash out to the garage to stick a load of laundry in, or take him out on errands or to do grocery shopping (he loves seeing new places and new people), but that's about it. I figure I'm staying home part-time to parent him, not to do housekeeping, so I'm okay with "just" playing with him all day. But I would love to get more done around the house too. Most household maintenance stuff requires both my husband and me to be home or the baby to be asleep.<br><br>
So mamas who BTDT--what are your tips for getting anything done with a clingy almost-toddler? I assume it gets easier as he gets older ... right??<br><br>
BTW, he hates the sling and will only tolerate being in the Mei Tai carrier for 10 minutes or so, plus he weighs 21 lbs, so babywearing isn't that great an option for me. What he really wants is for me to help him walk all over the house. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1">
 

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If you feel that you *need* to be doing more household chores on the days you are home, why not have your child help you?<br><br>
It may involve switching to non-toxic household cleaners (baking soda and vinegar can do lots...check out the Natural Family LIving forum) and you can give your sweetie a dry cloth to do some "cleaning" too.<br><br>
If on the other hand, you have enough time to get it done later when he is sleeping..then enjoy the time you have to just play! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I *have* thought about attaching dustcloths to his knees, since all the dirt ends up on his hands and pants. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"> Otherwise, he seems too young to really help?<br><br>
I guess I'm just feeling like I ought to be doing more. For instance, I hate waiting to cook till my husband gets home because then we don't eat till 7:30 or 8:00. On good days, we go grocery shopping after his morning nap, and then when the babe goes down for his second nap, I cook.<br><br>
I hate cleaning in general, and don't like to spend the free time that I do have on cleaning. I could hire a cleaner, but I'm thinking about quitting to start my own business in a few months, so I feel like I should be saving up money.<br><br>
I guess the dirt hasn't killed us yet! I'll just enjoy playing with my little guy, because soon enough he'll think mommy is totally uncool.
 

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If I have a day off, it's a day off... I do some extra, but not everything.<br><br>
I've realized that I am never, ever, ever going to get it all done. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/innocent.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shy">
 

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I think the answer depends a lot on what the household expectations are and how you and your DH feel about it all. My thought was always that, if child were with a caregiver, we would expect 100% attention on the child during awake times. So why is it different when caregiver is mommy? Luckily, DH agreed and we never had any real friction about it. When I could get something done, I did. Otherwise, it waited until night.<br><br>
I don't know many people who can get much work done with an older baby/young toddler outside of nap time or "other parent" time. I know that I never could. There were several years there where I do about what you say -- laundry and errands. If it was a good nap day, then I would prep meals during that time. My other trick was to do lots of crock pot stuff that I could prep while DH was home in the morning.<br><br>
And yes, it gets lots easier as they get older. My youngest is now 2 1/2 and oldest is 6. They play together or separate, but without me, for most of the time we are home from work/school but its still before dinner. After dinner though, DD expects, and gets, lots of attention.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Evan&Anna's_Mom</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">My thought was always that, if child were with a caregiver, we would expect 100% attention on the child during awake times. So why is it different when caregiver is mommy?</div>
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That's a great point. I feel like I have to get something done in order to make my day productive ... but I certainly don't hold my dcp to that standard. Thanks!<br><br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">And yes, it gets lots easier as they get older.</td>
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I am <i>so</i> glad to hear that.
 

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If you feel like you have to get at least one thing done to feel successful, maybe try setting one <i>attainable</i> goal each day to do during a nap (if you're lucky enough to have a napper) or in little 5-15 minute increments.<br><br>
Some days I don't feel like I ever complete a single task, but I have been able to work on (and even complete!) some projects/tasks in little bits of time, sometimes over a span of a few days. It's just hard to remember what I was doing when I am busy with a toddler and two dogs running around. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/nut.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="nut"> And I have a tendency to start too many things and then be too exhausted to finish them. Ugh. I would really like to be more organized, though.<br><br>
I have also noticed that I am a better parent on the days I am not so concerned with the house. This doesn't mean I don't do anything around the house, just that when my attitude is more child-focused rather than housework-focused, I am a better mama because I don't feel irritated with DD for keeping me from my work. She IS my work. And it often feels like I get more done around the house, too, because she isn't competing for my attention.<br><br>
I have also had to relax my standards a bit. And, <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/bag.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Bag">: I have never had a perfectly manicured house before kids either, but I am learning to stop feeling guilty about it because I see how fast DD is growing up already (and we're probably only having one). I doubt I'd ever think to myself in 20 years, wow- I reallly wished I'd spent more time cleaning the house.<br><br>
And all that <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/blahblah.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="blah blah"> being said, I am also trying to figure out how to pay someone to either help me with the housework or help me out as a mama's helper and play with DD for a couple hours at a time so I can focus on getting some stuff done around here. I don't have any family here and DH works some pretty long days and sometimes weekends, so I do feel very overwhelmed sometimes. Especially this week - I've had <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/af.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="aunt flo"> PMS for 3 days.<br><br>
I hope you find something that helps you.
 

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my dd is 3 and i have just 2 hours together before bedtime. so no cleaning during that time unless she wants to help me. so mostly if we do anything we do laundry tog. as she enjoys it.<br><br>
like others i have v. low standards. i usually stay up late to clean. or do it on a friday night or saturday night. i try and make sure she puts her toys away (though many times i dont expect that as she is tired).<br><br>
i have picked up a few tips from my neice - cutting all her weeks veggies on the weekend. planning her week's menu so she knows exactly waht to cook. she is v. organised and plans ahead. i admire that a lot but cannot seem to get myself organised for htat. we eat simple quick dishes. but it has got easier as she helps me in the kitchen.<br><br>
my biggest thing is my dd is only going to be this young only once. i never want to have regrets later on that i didnt spend enough time with her. honestly who cares how the house looks. i know i will NEVER EVER have regrets that i spent too much time with her and had a messy house. ever heard of anyone complain of that?!!
 
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