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Getting married tribe?

785 Views 31 Replies 9 Participants Last post by  dynamohumm6
Are there any mamas/future mamas planning a wedding or commitment ceremony?

Even if you aren't planning a wedding/ceremony, are you as utterly frustrated as I am at how materialistic weddings have become?

Let's talk!
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Hi! I am getting married August 6 this year. So I have less than two months to go. And I totally hear you about how weddings seem to be all about the $$$.

My DF and I have tried to keep it simple. Then my parents stepped in. They have been very generous in offering to help out with expenses, but now they have completely taken over and turned it into THEIR wedding.

I just want it to be over. We can't wait to be married. Surviving the wedding day is an entirely different matter. My family is starting to drive me crazy. They're like, "Well you have to do X or have Y or the whole day will be just ruined!" Um, I don't really care what the ultra-traditional wedding gods say. It is not set in stone anywhere that we have to have something just b/c some overpriced planning book said so.

Add to that the fact that we'll be TTC right away-I get a lot of flack for wanting to start a family right away. Perish the thought! We're gonna be married and want to have a baby!
to EVERYTHING you are saying!!!

My own dear mother hasn't given me nearly as much flak as my MIL, which surprised me. My mom has been super supportive of the fact that I don't want to wear white, no heels, no veil, etc.

So are you ready to elope yet? :LOL
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Well ours is going to be very unmaterialistic, but maybe because we are both planning a second marriage and decided about 4 weeks ahead of time. Or maybe because it is going to be in the middle of a campout with both of our families. I guess because I didn't shop for invitations (we had been planning the campout for a couple weeks before we decided all of our family is going to be there lets just get married-we even thought about not telling anyone until the minister showed up
), a dress, a cakemaker, favors or anything that I haven't noticed the materilistic side of weddings.

Not that my first was a grand affair (probably cost about $2000, food, dress, flowers, everything), but this time since we aren't having all the trimmmings (no attendants, no boquets, no colors, no specific clothes (my hope is my boys aren't too muddy or smell too much like fish!), ect.) we have really been focused on the ceremony and vows which are really the important part of the day.

Good Luck with getting what you want
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There are many times I just thought of eloping. What stopped me is that I really, really want to get married in my home parish. That is just so important to me. My fiance would still go for it, but at this point we've invested to much time and money- well, not just us, my bridesmaid have their dresses, other people spent money on other things- that I feel like we need to just forge ahead.

In hindsight, before all of the planning insanity started, I wish I would have just told the priest that we wanted a small private ceremony with immediate family only, which we could have done as soon as we finished all of our Pre-Cana preparations.
I hear ya both!

Mallory, the idea of a suprise wedding sounds like fun. Our engagement party is going to be a camping trip with our honor people (except for one bridesmaid... she's not at peace with the great outdoors

Loki, we're Catholic too, and have decided against eloping for the same reason, although it's starting to sound mighty tempting. :LOL
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Well, my DF and I are going about as low key as possible. We are going to the Justice of the Peace just us and then dinner with immediate family at the restaurant he proposed. Honeymoon in Cancun (now THAT is a good use of funds!) and then my parents are throwing us a big ol party to invite people to in the fall.
This is my second, and J's first and we would so much rather put our money into the house we are going to buy, all the appliances we have to get, and our kicka$$ honeymoon!

The actual wedding/dinner is going to be less than $500, his ring was $135, honeymoon is the big amount at $2300, but still, under 3000 for everything, not too shabby!

(not that I have anything against big weddings for others, I just couldn't imagine doing it!)
We have started to get RSVP cards in the mail over the last couple of days...I am thinking OMG, it's really happening, no turning back now! Not that I'd want to.

Despite the fact that everything sort of spiraled out of control in the last month, I am getting excited for the big day. What really put things in perspective for me was an older lady at church. She reminded me to just have fun that day, and whatever happens, just remember that fifty years from now my DH and I will be able to laugh about it.

I just keep telling myself it is just one day. We have the rest of our lives to think about...that is what matters.
I've been trying to keep things in perspective, but it's not easy when you have people (um, one person really
) insisting I'll regret not having a veil/heels/wearing white....

Anyone else with MIL woes?

Also, anyone else *not* wearing white?
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I wore lavendar the first time and I haven't really decided this time, but probably not white :LOL

I loved my first wedding dress and actually did wear it a few other times!

Since this time it will just be a cute sundress I imagine I will wear it lots of times.
I have my heart set on a pink sundress, but based on my MIL's reaction I may as well be wearing a barrel with suspenders and a burlap sack. :LOL
I am wearing a traditional wedding dress, but for shoes I have a pair of white Birkenstocks! No heels for me. Plus I think that the Birks are much cuter than all of the standard wedding shoes I've seen.

Guess what? Today is exactly 50 days from the big day! Time is going too fast, I feel like not everything will be ready in time.
I am wearing a very casual tight white tank top and either a white knee length cotton drawstring skirt or a white ankle length tiered "gypsy" skirt, so yeah white, but definitely not a traditional dress!
I got Addie a white linen sundress to wear to dinner that night with us because she has been in two traditional weddings and will be just heartbroken if she doesn't wear something weddingish for mine!
Those hippie skirts are so cute! I saw that they're at Old Navy now.

Are you nervous, Loki?
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Nervous? Me? Oh, no not me!

Yeah right! I am OK most of the time, but I have a few loose ends with the planning that need to be tied up. My mom is worried that I am not taking care of those things fast enough, and her constant questioning IS making me somewhat on edge.

My poor fiance, on the other hand is very nervous about having to stand up in front of all those people during our ceremony. He is a kinda quiet guy who does not care to be the center of attention at all. I told him not to even look at anyone else, just at me, and that we're saying our vows to each other, not to anyone else in the church that day. Easier said than done, but I am trying to do everything I can to get him more relaxed about the ceremony. I just hope I don't end up with a fainting groom!
Add me!

October 1
We are planning semi-traditional, but based on what WE want. We are not accepting monetary help (unless it comes afterwards) because no one else gets a say :LOL
We have a hotel booked on the ocean (we live in Boston, wedding on south shore). It does the ceremony, reception, and lodging--weekend wedding, no one will have to leave the hotel if they don't want to. Short, quick ceremony led by a friend of ours who got ordained just for kicks, and we are sinking most of the money into the reception. BIG party for our friends/family. No real honeymoon, as I'll still be exclusively breastfeeding, but overall, I'm really excited about it! Our "DJ" will be my iPod & a PA system, and we're not doing flowers other than bouquets. I'm making all the centerpieces, with sand, seashells, driftwood, and other stuff I'll collect off the beach this summer. I want a sundress style wedding dress, and will just ask my "attendants" to wear red.

I'm actually excited about it--it's low key, relaxed, and we're doing exactly what we want. My 6 year old will be pulling her then 4 month old brother behind her down the aisle in a red wagon
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Emmy, that sounds so sweet!
We're having a beach party luau this summer just to celebrate our engagement. We're also not accepting $$$ towards the wedding because we've learned that $=dictatorship.

I would like more than anything in the world to have an outdoor wedding (beach or Bok Tower), but DP isn't willing to commit to that because of weather issues. That's what I get for wanting to marry a meteorologist! :LOL
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I'm not planning on getting married anytime soon, but I do officiate at weddings. As an Ethical Culture Leader, most of the couples who come to me to officiate at their weddings want someting somewhat alternative.

I always remind couples that this is their wedding and that their parents or in-laws had their weddings. Some parents try to influence how a wedding happens because they had a great experience with their own, and some because they didn't get to have the wedding of their dreams. Neither is a good reason to try and make the wedding their way. Sometimes it is easy to find a way to accommodate or honor parents, or other special people, but not always. That goes for both the ceremony and the reception.

Before the ceremony I always try to have couples spend a bit of quiet time together - sometimes to meditate or reflect together, to be able to think about and feel why they are getting married. And I also think it is important to have each person in the couple get a bit of time to breathe and center on his or her own before the ceremony. It is too easy to get caught up in the excitement and details of the day and not be able to focus on the importance and significance of the ceremony.

Wishing you all wonderful weddings,

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turtlemuse What is an Ethical Culture Leader? WE finally asked one of my friends to get a Progressive Universal Life Church minister certificate, so she can marry us. She and my grandpa are going to do the ceremony, which we are all going to work on, we've also written our won vows (really the whole ceremony
) and I am so glad we decided not to go with a Baptist minister (the prevailing sect in this part of the country, I mean my town of 2500 has 3 or 4 different Baptist churches.)

It's interesting that we all have such different ideas of what is the important part of the day. From the honeymoon to the reception to the ceremony! I hope you all get what you want with out breaking the bank or upsetting too many relatives
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How are you doing, Loki? I know it's getting close to the big day and all...
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