Getting ready for the next high.

498 Views 5 Replies 4 Participants Last post by trinity6232000, Jun 28, 2005

StephandOwen

Discussion Starter · Jun 21, 2005

It seems like my ex goes through periods of highs (when he's acting interested in Owen and sees him for most of his scheduled visits) and lows (when he skips out on most visits and doesn't seem to give a darn about Owen). We just went through about a 6 month *low*, with the last month being pretty bad (he canceled most visits and now Owen doesn't even want to go with him- screams and clings on as tight as he can everytime he sees him). It appears he's getting ready to be dad again. He took Owen for a few hours yesterday (it wasn't his day but I asked him if he wanted Owen since it was fathers day). He was supposed to take him today but had to work so called to see if he could have him tomorrow. I told him Owen had his speech therapy in the morning but he was welcome to come to that with him. He said okay, then asked if he could have him for a few hours after that

He's never been to Owen's speech (not even for the evaluations). The sad part is the place is like 2 minutes, at most, from his house so he has no excuse to not be there (when he's not working). Anyway, I said that's fine if Owen wants to. But I have a feeling he's up to something. He's going to ask for something or want to do something. I'm not sure what, but I'm sure I'll find out soon enough. It seems like the *highs* always end with him wanting something or him doing something. When I say no that's when the *lows* start. The last high ended in late November when I told him he couldn't have Owen for 48 hours over Christmas (he's never had him for more than 3 hours)

Since then he's gradually started missing more visits. (and no, it's not me being an ass saying he can't have Owen longer- he's the one who told me he didn't want to up the length of visits back in December, when they should have moved to 4 hours).

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annarbor931

· #2 · Jun 21, 2005

Steph,

He has a problem that has nothing to do with either you or Owen. He sounds a lot like mt STBX. The flakiness is horrible for the kids and it makes dealing with the other parents especially difficult. Follow your instincts, because they sound right on to me.

My STBX is always nice to me and so interested in our son right before he asks to borrow money. We have highs and lows over here too--mostly lows where he does not see our son for a month or more at a time. During the highs, he sees him once a week for 2 hours. He has supervised visitation and he really never asks to see him at all these days. It is sad for everyone.

Listen to your inner voice and I am sure you will do the right thing.

Pam

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StephandOwen

Discussion Starter · #3 · Jun 22, 2005

Thanks Pam. That high didn't seem to have lasted long. He blew off Owen's therapy today. He called after I had already left for it and told my brother he got called into work at noon. First of all his therapy is from 11-12, and only- at most- 5 minutes from his work. He could have left 5 minutes early. Second, I drove by his work on my way home (it was on the way home, I swear!) and his car was not there. So that was a load of BS. I haven't talked to him though, and probably won't even say that I know he's lying. Why add fuel to the fire?

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annarbor931

· #4 · Jun 22, 2005

Leave it alone. I always know that my STBX lies but it doesn't matter to me anymore. I realize that I can't do all of the work to maintain the relationship between him and our son. I ask myself often whether or not my son would respect or appreciate me going to such lengths for someone who doesn't care enough to make an effort and my answer is always the same--don't work too hard. It sounds like some immature game and the only way to win is not to play at all.

Good luck!!!

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L.J.

· #5 · Jun 28, 2005

I couldn't help thinking about this thread because my ex has been such a jerk lately. I guess it's to be expected. We've actually been getting along quite well since Christmas......so I guess we were "due" for him to get cranky again! I hope he'll shake this off quickly and we can be nice to each other again soon! He doesn't see that it's the kids who suffer when he's a total jerk!

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trinity6232000

· #6 · Jun 28, 2005

I have been feeling this lately as well. The day after dd's b-day
her Dad called. He hadn't called dd since January. Dd wasn't home
so they didn't get to talk, but he asked if we could meet him at the
Dairy Queen after work that night. I said sure, that dd would be
back soon, what time would he like us to meet him. He said he was
done with work at 10 PM, and that he would be 45 minutes away.
So basically he wanted to meet us at the DQ at 11 at NIGHT? HUH?
DQ isn't even open then, and dd goes to bed at 9. I mean if it means
seeing her Dad I would allow her to stay up for one night past bed
time but it was just so stupid of him, KWIM?
So I asked if he had another time he could meet up with us, and he
said he could meet us at DQ at 5:30 on Sunday. Then he called at
3 to tell us he couldn't make it, and said he would get back to me.
I doubt he will call to make other plans. It's sad. It was his daughters
birthday for goodness sake, you can make time, even a couple hours
for that?
On our Birthday I was feeling so good. I know that I am going a bang
up job as a Mom. Dd is so happy, and is enjoying her summer. Then
when he calls I just feel sad for a few days. I feel bad for dd. I didn't
tell dd about the plans on Sunday, I was afraid it wouldn't happen. I
feel like I have to hide somethings from her. I fear as she grows up it
will just amount to more we don't talk about. If she asks me questions
I am always truthful, but it's just so sad I have to limit information on
her own Father.
How can he live day to day knowing she is growing up and changing so
much, and he has nothing to do with it at all?

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