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My soon to be 5 year old son is driving me nuts with his new sneaky phase. Fortunately he is really bad at it, he'll often ask me to leave the room for a minute, walk ahead of him, or even just to look the other way while he stuffs contraban in his pocket, or tries to get another cookie, or use the marker I just told him he couldn't use, so I pretty much always catch him in the act. I'm just at a loss on how to effectively handle it.<br><br>
For example this afternoon, he got his hands on a permanent marker. I told him I didn't want him using it 'cause its writing doesn't wash off the table or walls. I offered him the Crayola washable makers. He kinda shrugs and says "nah, i changed my mind. I don't wanna write". Then 30 seconds later I hear rummaging noises behind me in the kitchen. I ask what he's doing. I of course get the standard "nothing". I turn and of course he's in the junk drawer looking for the permanent marker. "what are you looking for?" "uh, nothing". I roll my eyes and sit back down at the table. A few seconds later he's trying to sneak past me with a huge grin and mischief in his eyes. "what's in your pocket?" I ask. "Nothing" he says. "I know you have that marker in your pocket" Silence. "take the market out of your pocket" Stifled giggle. "Common A., I know you have the marker. Put it back and you can use the more colourful markers here to practice your writing. Look I got you some paper". He looks around looking for an escape, still trying to contain the excitement he's feeling at the chance he might just get away with it. "A. just put the marker back. If it's really important to you to use it we can have a talk about it and you can tell me why you want to use the permanent marker but stop this sneaking!" "Alright", he huffs back to the drawer and puts the marker away.<br><br>
This happens 4 or 5 times a day. The constant sneaking around, trying to pull one over on mom, fibbing behaviour is maddening. But how should I handle it. Should I be insistent that he fess up and not let him think that he can pull a fast one on me? Should I keep harping on the concept that I am open to changing my mind if we just talk about it? Should I ignore it? Should I be coming down harder?<br><br>
I just don't know! I want him to trust me and I want him to know that I trust him. I've told him that his sneaking could end up with him looking less honest and trustworthy to other people. But I don't think he really gets it. He's 5.<br><br>
Any advice? Any one BTDT?
 

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We are at that stage ourselves. My dd is also 5 years old. She has been trying to sneak all kinds of things, unfortunately shes pretty good at it. She snuck a bunch of her chewable vitamins (so much for childproof lids), the only reason I realized is because she couldnl't get the lid back on right. Luckly she didn't eat that many and they don't contain iron, so she's ok. I just try to explain why I don't want her to have whatever it is she's trying to sneak. Sorry, not much advice here. Just wanted to let you know your not alone!
 

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My dd tries to sneak toys to school and food up to her room to snack while she reads. We do talk about why she wants to do these things and usually I can get her to tell me the truth and explain her side of things.<br><br>
When she blatantly lies to us outright even when she's caught, we do give her one chance to tell the truth or else the toy or food in question, etc. gets a time-out and she will not have access to this item for a certain length of time.<br><br>
Hubby tends to be a bit stricter with her and will often go around for a week after she lies questioning every thing she says and telling her he's not sure he can believe her, but it makes me cringe a little bit even though it does usually get to her.<br><br>
'Manda
 

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My DD, who will be 5 June 1st is also getting very sneaky and has taught this behavior to her almost 4 yo sister. I don't know what to do either, but I DO know that making a big deal out of and trying to get her to confess to things just makes it worse. She is getting better at hiding things now. I have been trying to back off a little and sometimes will just go up to her and stick out my hand with "the look" on my face. She usually gives it to me right away because she knows that I know. Now if only I could figure out how to get her to not do it in the first place. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:
 

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DD is 3 1/2 and starting this behavior.<br><br>
"Mom, go in the kitchen and wash dishes." Meanwhile she is pouring water on the coffee table for fun. "Mom, go use the computer in the office." Meanwhile she is getting gum out of my purse.<br><br>
I think this kind of stuff is pretty developmentally normal.<br><br>
I usually handle it by letting her know I know she is doing X and helping her to do it safely/appropriately. I also let her know she does not have to hide, she just needs to ask. i usually get a funny, coy smile in response and then she will follow through with asking permission or for help.<br><br>
I guess I look at her doing these things as her following her impulses and my job is to help her mediate her impulses. If she wants to play with water that's OK, she just needs to do it in appropriate way/place. Or if she wants gum it's OK, she just needs to ask rather than rummaging through my purse.
 
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