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I think STBX is still holding out hope that I'll take him back after we've been separated a while. I'm not. We're divorcing and that's all there is to it. When asked about the situation, he tells people we're separating. He hasn't told his dad and stepmom anything. I've had to tell a few people that no, we're not separating, we're divorcing.

How can I get him to accept this and tell people the truth?
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by minkajane View Post
...How can I get him to accept this and tell people the truth?
I don't think you can
. I would just be open and honest when it comes up in your daily business & everytime it comes up with him. He'll accept it eventually.

I had a bit of the opposite where stbx said he wantd a divorce during one of our counselling sessions & then told everyone under the sun we were divorcing the next day, without telling me the news was out there esp. since we still had/have the logistics of me finishing school, dealing with the house, him still living here etc. I didn't hide it from people, but wasn't falling over myself to tell anyone either (i'm also somewhat private). For example, I don't think the neighbors needed to know right away...they shouldn't have to take sides, and I didn't want any awkward experiences for dd.
 

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you can't make him tell the truth. it's not even your responsibility.
the best you can do is tell your truth and move on
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by minkajane View Post
I think STBX is still holding out hope that I'll take him back after we've been separated a while. I'm not. We're divorcing and that's all there is to it. When asked about the situation, he tells people we're separating. He hasn't told his dad and stepmom anything. I've had to tell a few people that no, we're not separating, we're divorcing.

How can I get him to accept this and tell people the truth?
my stbx holds out hope too.

the court papers will tell their own story. I'm waiting to file for a reason (we separated late jan/early feb)
 

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You could make him a lovely cake with "Happy Divorce" written out on top, and a card that says, "It was a lovely ride, but now it's over. Time to accept that I am divorcing you. Everybody seems to know it but you. Love, Your Soon-to-be-Ex-Wife."

I don't think I'd put any candles on it. Maybe the bride and groom, on separate halves of the cake, decorated all pretty and cheerful-looking though. Depends on his sense of humor. Do you think he'd get it, or freak out?

I divorced twice, and humor made it easier, making jokes about it, funny asides, using the words "Divorced," "Ex-husband,", "Ex-wife," "formerly married," etc., in conversation. A little bit at a time was good. In neither case was there children involved, but still there was friendly contact after the decisions, and during proceedings, and knowing that these words themselves are highly-charged, and can be hell on self-esteem, self-image, etc., I consciously made effort to cast them in a different light where I could.
 
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