Gifted children and fears

sungod · 2008-12-08

Why is it that the gifted kids I know seem to be more fearful of everything. Like refusing to swim because they "could" drown or refusing to play contact sports because they "could" get hurt. Many I know also seem to be afraid of dogs and animals(while a few are the total opposite and are obsessed with animals). I know some kids just don't like to play sports but I know a lot of gifted kids who so desperately want to to do it, but can't overcome the paralyzing fear. Is this because the gifted kids tend to be thinking one step ahead and have thought out every possible bad thing that may happen? Those are just a few examples of the fears...please don't freak out on me because your 3 year old can read and swim

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Lovebugsmommy

· #2 · Dec 9, 2008

omg yes. my dd is gifted (6 1/2) and is lately taken to worrying about everything. 5 months ago we went to our local aquarium and she did some of the arts and crafts and 3 of her papers accidently blew into the ocean. She cries every night that she hurt some animals because of the crayons being eaten by the fish, when we went back she refused to bring any of the art home becuase it might blow into the ocean again.

she worries alot about everything. at a very high level of worry. I think she may be developing ulcers.

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AllisonR

· #3 · Dec 9, 2008

I think a lot is personality. I've got one of each. DS was born and asked "Is this world OK?" DS is cautious. He is not willing to try anything new, but when he does he gets it, right away. He asks if he can do xyz. He is also sensitive and generous.

DD was born and said "This world is great, and I am the center of it." DD tries everything, and also gets it quickly, but in smaller steps, as opposed to the whole thing at once. She doesn't ask, she just does, and lets her will be known, quite forcefully, regardless of anyone else's needs.

Of course, part of this is age. DD is only 2, so I sort of expect her to be more self centered than DS, who is 4. And part is maybe wrapped up in gifted; if I can do x and y really easily, why should I bother with z? But I think a big part is personality as well.

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Icequeen_in_ak

· #4 · Dec 9, 2008

My dd has slowly come out of her fear. When she was young she refused to play on anything that took her higher than her personal height. She hated slides, swings, etc.

Now she plays hockey and LOVES it and likes slides, etc. Still is not a huge fan of the water though.

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earthmama369

· #5 · Dec 9, 2008

I agree that personality plays a big part. DS and DD are probably both gifted. DH and I are both gifted.

I'm an anxious person. Panic disorder, too-vivid imagination, the works. DS seems to be walking in my footsteps. He's afraid of the dark, doesn't like to be separated from me, worries about monsters, worries about trying new things, is afraid of swimming, etc.

DH is pretty much fearless. He has a rational level of danger awareness, but he copes very well and tries new things all the time. DD is very much like him. She's always been very comfortable in the dark, loves scary stories (even at 4), has an imagination that may rival Stephen King's in due time, and eagerly embraces new experiences.

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Roar

· #6 · Dec 9, 2008

It makes perfect sense to me. Kids can be a lot of ages at one time. Their intellectual age may be 10, but their emotional age might be five years old. The difference between those two ages can be a kind of asynchrony that is challenging to kids. They can read about things but don't necessarily have the lived experience and emotional maturity to handle them. And, as you said they may be able to think through more possible bad potential outcomes.

The good thing is that they may also be able to learn to check their thinking and figure out if their fears are realistic. That takes time and practice but it can be done.

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Bleu

· #7 · Dec 9, 2008

There's fear and fear, too. Look at all the different kinds listed so far: fantastical fears, emotional fears, realistic fears, fears on the behalf of helpless others, fear of getting physically hurt, etc.

I don't really know about any correlation btwn giftedness & fears (not disputing there is a connection, I just don't know one way or the other). My little guy is very physically brave and competent, but extremely fearful of scary stories, movies, pictures, etc.

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pumpkinmom2

· #8 · Dec 9, 2008

for me, i wonder how much was my doing.

my son is one one of those active alert children. when he was or is focused on something, i needed to resort to telling him the negitive consiquence for what he was intent on doing or touching or putting in his mouth(still). information kids should not need to worry about but it was the only way to stop him. he is very, very stubborn when he is on a mission

. he is not a child who could be sidetracked as the books suggested to do.

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carmel23

· #9 · Dec 9, 2008

*

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TwinsTwicePlusTwo

· #10 · Dec 9, 2008

My oldest daughter is gifted and was very much like the OP's at that age. She was constantly worried about bad things happening to her or other family members, and also was concerned about the plights of animals and people around the world. She was afraid to try activities where she might get hurt (we eventually got her to swim, but that was about it). She's 11 now, and still cautious and concerned about the world (I don't consider this to be a bad thing, btw).

DD2 is extremely gifted, and I don't think she has the ability to feel fear, period. Since she was 9mos old she's climbed everything she could find. She's excelled at swimming, gymnastics, and martial arts, and now wants to take up rock-climbing

. She loved scary stories as a little girl and now loves horror movies. She accomplishes an amazing amount, but I'm terrified that one of these days she's going to break her neck.

My little ones (4.5, and also gifted) are very fearful, mostly of imaginary things. They're terrified of the dark, panic anytime we have even a minor thunderstorm (have been afraid of tornados ever since last year when one came very close to our town and we had to get in the storm shelter). They're not much for trying risky physical activities either (I'm not sure if they're afraid or just not interested).

I'm not convinced that gifted children are more fearful than average children. They may worry a little more because they comprehend more about the world at a younger age, but once they become more emotionally mature I think this resolves itself (at least it did for DD1). I'd actually rather parent a fearful child than a completely fearless one like DD2. I'm only 29 and that girl is giving me gray hairs.

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quaz

· #11 · Dec 9, 2008

I didn't read the responses...
It is due to a combination of personality and intellectual overexcitabilities.

If one's mind is always going, and always thinking and isn't getting turned off, it is easy to always think of possible issues to a problem. Personality alone isn't the cause of it, and OE's by themself are not either, BUT combine the two... KAboom! Fear explosion.

GIfted children tend to have more OE's than the norm, which is why gifted kids would potentially present more 'fears' or concerns than the norm.

Tammy

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carmel23

· #12 · Dec 10, 2008

Quote:

Originally Posted by quaz

I didn't read the responses...
It is due to a combination of personality and intellectual overexcitabilities.

If one's mind is always going, and always thinking and isn't getting turned off, it is easy to always think of possible issues to a problem. Personality alone isn't the cause of it, and OE's by themself are not either, BUT combine the two... KAboom! Fear explosion.

GIfted children tend to have more OE's than the norm, which is why gifted kids would potentially present more 'fears' or concerns than the norm.

Tammy

I think this is true, because my oldest son who has some phobias is not afraid to climb trees, or ride his bike really fast and go off jumps and stuff. It is always stuff way beyond his control and typically irrational. And I think it is about OE's big time, or anxiety... Does anyone else have a child whose OEs tend to manifest in anxiety?

I've talked to our doctor about it, but I'm now looking for a specialist that is more in tuned with gifted kids...

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