Originally Posted by joensally
I've got some great resources for you. Many of them are offered on google books with a large preview so you can get a sense of the book before trying to hunt it down at the library or buying it.
The Misdiagnosis and Dual Diagnosis of Gifted Children and Adults, Webb et al. (not saying your DD is misdiagnosed, but this book does a great job of describing things. It's hard teasing out what's what when a child is multiply complicated).
The Mislabeled Child, Eide and Eide. (Great descriptions of how certain diagnoses manifest and remediation strategies).
Kids Caught in the Syndrome Mix
When the Labels Don't Fit (I just really like this book, and again it's filled with strategies, including living in your world with a SN kid).
The Oasis Asperger's book
I really like Smart but Scattered - it's about Executive Functioning, which kids with AS and ADHD struggle with. It helps determine which areas your child is struggling in and offers strategies to build these skills.
It sounds like she needs some help with perspective taking. Winner's work (socialthinking.com) is amazing. We've used the SuperFlex curriculum with great success at home, and her other materials are also wonderful.
Do you have access to social skills groups? These are extremely helpful.
What kind of school does she attend? I'm curious that the impression is that you know who all of the gifted kids are, and that they're all well-behaved, and that everyone else knows your DD is smart but assumes she should "behave." It sounds like you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself. Lots of kids act out, especially in early elementary when they don't have developed self-regulation strategies.
Is your daughter receiving any therapies? Does she have sensory issues? Sensory and anxiety can form a loop that leaves a child rigid in their thinking and limited in their ability to see others' perspectives or reasonably respond to stimuli.
There are a number of parents here with kids who are gifted and have an ASD, or who are "neurologically atypical" but without an ASD. My son's in the latter category, but the strategies that work for kids with AS complexities work with him.
If you're googling, "twice exceptional" or 2E refers to being gifted with another complexity.