[doodah]

Hi everyone- this is my first message (so glad to be here!) and I have a question about how giftedness in an infant can actually foster attachment between the family group, especially between the baby and mother!

My son who is 21 months was one of those extremely alert newborns who spent most of his time awake in my arms checking things out. I hardly slept for the first two months as he breastfed constantly and then when he wasn't nursing he wanted to be held by us or grandma and was always studying things with the most amazing expression. It was very hard on us first time parents but he was quite happy and really enjoyed his life. And then, at two months, he started to call me mama!

If I left the room or if his father, grandmother, or aunt made a a funny face at him he would cry mama, mama until I came and then he would be happy and safe again in my arms. People never believed us until they saw it or heard it with their own eyes and ears.

So we are an extremely attached pair and happy to be so. His intelligence is startling - has known colors, the alphabet, and counting for months now and is currently using elaborate sentences full of observations I think are unusual for a boy his age. He says things like "S.... drives Honda Cr-V like B-s car." He knows all the makes of cars!

It just struck me recently that ds actually played a role in our development of a parenting style. It was he who insisted on 24 hour togetherness and such intense nighttime parenting. It was he who taught me and his extended family so much about what kind of loving attention a baby really needs. And, yes, I was criticized constantly for being too attentive, too responsive, but my sweet baby would only have it one way and now I am so glad that he helped to lead us on this journey.

Anyone have any thoughts like these?

 

[ejsmommy]

Your son sounds very bright indeed! And how wonderful of you to let him guide you into your parenting style by addressing his needs. That's the beauty of attachment parenting, it's intrinsic!

Dd1 was always high needs, I should have known the first night after she was born she nursed all night, never unlatching. I had no idea what I was doing as a parent, I just followed my heart and soon found out we were practicing ap with out even knowing it! lol. My entire family is quite the opposite, bottle/crib/cry it out and this has caused quite a few problems for us. But I am convinced that this is my purpose in life, to change this pattern, and to create a life long relationship of love, trust and respect.

Uh, better get back to work on that!

I would love to hear more about your amazing son!!

 

[gurumama]

Great question. I've never really thought about giftedness in infancy. Is this what you mean?

http://www.associatedcontent.com/art...nt_gifted.html

 

[doodah]

Thanks for the link. Yes, in the beginning we did not realize that there was anything unusual about our son but even our pediatrician commented on his unusual alertness at his two week check-up. He became interested in a musical mobile which played classical music in the early weeks and when he was looking at it and waving his hands and feet beneath it we would run to the kitchen to make coffee! It was literally the only time we could leave him on his own unless he was asleep, which wasn't very often!

One thing I noticed, which others on this forum have mentioned, was that I was way more exhausted those first few months!

A friend had a son exactly one year after we had ours, and when we spend time with him, a perfectly wonderful and adorable baby, we can't believe the difference in his need for stimulation and in his attachment to his mom. His mom went out of town for a week when he was six months old (a pumping nightmare for her!!!) and he didn't even notice she was gone!

Mine would have been in deep distress if I left him for even a day and there is no way I would even consider an overnight trip without him, even now. And I'm not saying that they are wrong to do that; it's just a different parenting style and one in which we found ourselves deeply involved before we ever heard the term attachment parenting.

For me, it was such a relief to finally read a Dr.Sears book and realize that I wasn't ridiculous and then later, when I had a bit more shut-eye, and I did a bit of research into early signs of giftedness, it all clicked.

 

[Mama2E&O]

DD is highly gifted, and always has been. At age 2 months when you said to her: "where is daddy?" or "where is mama?" she'd turn her head to look at the correct person no matter where we were. We'd move all around to try and trick her and you never could. At age one she was talking in complete sentences, at 19 months she was drawing people, and by age two was drawing detailed pictures of animals, houses, etc. She learned to read and write at a very young age as well.
I think it is very interesting that you say he helped guide you toward AP, because that is exactly what DD did for us. We had never even heard of the term until she was an older baby. Everyone was convinced she was "The way she was" because we spoiled her and never put her down. It was such a relief to find Dr. Sears and read all about AP.
She has always been highly sensitive and a very high needs child. Because she was so fussy and so afraid to be apart from us for even a second, we wound up baby wearing, co-sleeping, using gentle discipline, etc.
It is funny because my two sons are also very intelligent children but sometimes they seem very average because of where DD was at their ages.

 

[AileenM]

Wow....I didn't realize that this had happened to other parents!! My DD's intelligence has most definetly helped to make the ap choice. She won't let us do it any other way!

She has never liked laying down, and from day one has loved looking around and experiencing things. If I'm not around, she gets very upset, and she refuses to sleep by herself. The only time I can spend apart from her is when she's deeply asleep, and that's when I just want to sit and look at her!

She's almost eleven weeks, and I swear, I've heard her say 'mama', although part of me says that's just crazy.

The real difficulty comes when she is in the car seat...she hates it, because she gets very bored. Long car rides are impossible for us right now.

 

[LiciaDawn]

I am new to MDC. Part of the reason I joined was because I was looking to see if anyone else's children did these things you guys have described. I thought they were special from them time they were born. The nurses in the hospital kept coming in and telling me how alert they were. Then when I got home and was out shopping, people would ask me how old they were and tell me they weren't supposed to be able to do that at the age I said. They were both extremely aware of their surroundings, hated the car seat (nightmare!), rolled over at 3 weeks, crawling at 6 mos, speaking 4-5 word sentences at 21 mos grammatically correct. My sister would get upset and started taking her daughter to doctors because she thought she was behind on talking because my son who is a year younger talked better than her daughter.
My children (dd 7 mos, son 23 mos) both demand AP, so as learning to be parents...we did and do what is required. My daughter started screaming when I left a room at about 4 months and wants to nurse all night, wants to be cuddled and help all the time, besides when she wants to be down on the floor crawling, but if I walk away she will follow me around the house.

I am so glad I found people in the same situation we are in! Now I know there is someone out there who understands why I do things the way we do.

Alicia

 

[doodah]

It is really wonderful to hear of other families having similar experiences with their babies. The MDC forums are the only place in which I have ever heard of other children doing the things that ds did as an infant.

It is also so helpful to be able to discuss these issues in a supportive atmosphere in which nursing a toddler or co-sleeping isn't considered a failure!

I notice that now that our son is older and obviously so healthy and chatty that there is less chance for people to warn us about "spoiling" or failing to "train" him properly. So those of you with small babies now should hang in there and stand your ground (easy to say now but so hard to do when you haven't slept for months!).

I mean, I can't imagine us standing in the exam room with the ped and having him suggest we wean ds while he points to my shirt and proudly proclaims :

"Look at that! Two mommy's milks right there!"

 

[Fiestabeth]

I totally agree with previous posters. My first dd demanded to be parented AP style, literally from the moment she was born. She didn't sleep - finally started taking a short nap during the day around 1 year, because she was walking and exerting energy and actually getting tired!

She was a totally content, quiet baby as long as she was with me in the sling, or in her bouncy seat very near to me watching what I was doing and me talking to her and explaining to her what I was doing. She absolutely refused the crib. She wouldn't even nap in it. As early as a few weeks old, I would nurse her, wait at least 20-30 minutes so she was fully asleep, set her down gently in the crib, and she would instantly arch her back and let out a heartwrenching wail!

I also didn't even hear the term "AP" until a few years ago. (She's 8 now.) But her level of intelligence absolutely played a role in our parenting style!

 

[LiciaDawn]

My 6 month old does that, exactly. We keep trying to put her in her crib, waiting 20 min, then 30, then almost an hour and keep trying to put her in her crib. As soon as her back touches the mattress, she arches her back, cries and then wakes up wide awake and we have to start over from square one. Too funny, I would lose my mind if it weren't for you guys. I now know I am not doing something wrong and then it isnt just me. I have found though that she will on occasion sleep in her swing, I think because she feels like she is being rocked by me? My DS was the same way, and my sister kept telling me to just let him cry. I tried that approach thinking I was just doing something wrong. My DS would cry for HOURS. He was exauhsted...but still cried for HOURS. I felt so bad and I finally asked the ped. and he said that babies dont normally do that and that he should be going to sleep to keep trying it. I couldn't stant it anymore, then when he was around I tried it again thinking, maybe he was just too little before...nope, didnt matter, still cried for an hour. Now he is 2 and he still has a really hard time settling into sleep.
I read somewhere that children with high IQ's have a hard time calming their mind into sleep. That they are just thinking so fast and constantly that they need extra help calming themselves. Our night time routine lasts about 45 minutes now including lots of singing, relaxing, reading, snuggles, and then music as he sleeps. I think the music gives him something to pay attention to so maybe his mind isnt racing quite so fast? Dont know...but it seems to work.
My 8 year ond DS has the same problem still but is better able to cope, but also likes to sleep to music and we read to him for about 30-45 min. before bed.
I am so glad I have you guys, my sister doesn't understand because her DD doesnt do these things and she thinks I am just doing something wrong. She wont babysit or anything because she says my kids are too hard. It kind of makes me feel bad like my kids are weird....but I feel better knowing that someday they will be something great in this world if I can raise them with enough love and not squish their little ambition and energy.

Thank YOu Everyone!

 

[2bluefish]

Yep, there is no other way to live with my darlings except to interact with them constantly. They will make my life miserable if I don't. Kind of hard on an introvert like me!! I think about things like ecological breastfeeding (on demand 24/7, no pacifiers, no bottles, child led weaning), and I think "there's no way I could do that!! Pacifiers save my sanity! I need my alone time! I couldn't possible continue such intense night nursing for months on end." Getting them to sleep can be tricky, but once they are out - they usually sleep soundly and for long stretches.