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Please bear with me on this rambling post, I'm feeling very frustrated and out of sorts right now...<br><br>
DS turned 9 months yesterday and I feel trapped, for lack of a better word.<br><br>
I work outside of the house 3 1/2 days a week and DS is in daycare during that time. I nurse him at lunch so the most he goes without seeing me is 4 hours but I feel like I have to "make up" for the daycare time by being with him every second that I can. I hardly go anywhere without him and even when I leave him with DH so I can run to Target (my big "treat"), I worry every second that he is crying and DH can't settle him down or I feel guilty for "making" DH take care of him (even though I know DH loves being with him) so I cut my trip short and feel even more frustrated when I return.<br><br>
Our local tribe has a coffee night every other week and I would love to go and meet some new people but I just cannot bring myself to walk out the door. I know I would be a wreck every second that I am gone, worrying that DH can't get him to bed.<br><br>
The local birth center also has play groups every Friday but we rarely can make it to those because of his nap schedule. We were supposed to go to the the crawlers group for the first time today at 10 but he fought his nap (even though he as up at 4:30) and didn't fall asleep until 10:15. So much for that. He sleeps very erratically during the day so it's hard for me to predict his schedule but heaven help us if he doesn't get a nap!<br><br>
I need to take a break, or at least get out of this house on a regular basis, but I just don't know how! Do any other FTMs feel like they can't leave their LOs?
 

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I think there is nothing wrong with choosing not to leave your baby. I didn't leave dd at ALL until she was 18 months.<br><br>
Keep looking around town for playgroups and the like.<br><br>
good luck.<br><br>
-Angela
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> I remember feeling frustrated with DD1 because she was so high needs, I want a little break, but didn't want to upset her in the process.... I eventually learned how to get my little breaks in ways that made us both happy until she was old enough to accept DH for an hour here and there, which for her wasn't until well over 2y. For you, you want to go to Target but worry about him, so drag your DS and Dh along, but DH and Ds go off exploring themselves. You don't even have to run into them until you are done if everything is going ok, but if it's not then you are right there and you can try again another day.<br><br><br>
Will he fell asleep later, or in the car? Naps don't always have to be at home. Because my DD2 is the second child, and even with DD1 since I did need to get out of the house and her naps where whenever she felt like it, her naps don't always happen, we have places to go. Yes, she is sometimes really grumpy, I just make sure she gets one decent nap a day, other then that she has to nap on the fly. Like yesterday, we had a busy day, out the door at 8am, off to appointments and to pick peaches that am, lunch and the afternoon at a home school group park day. She slept 20 minutes in the car going to the park, and then not again until close to 4pm because we were too busy. She doesn't like to nap when it's really noisy, but will when she is utterly exhausted. I'll admit that I don't miss activites because of a nap, they either fall asleep before we go, or if not, it can wait, because I need to get out. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/duck.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Duck">: DD2 must be making up on sleep today because she is napping now only an hour after she got up. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> I feel it all washes out, she didn't sleep much yesterday, today we are home this am so she'll sleep more then she normally would, and then she'll be rested for another ful afternoon at the park. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue"><br><br><br>
Oh and my DD2 turned 10m yesterday. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/loveeyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Loveeyes">:
 

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Would your ds nap in a mei tai or an Ergo or something? That way YOU could at least get out, go to playgroups or what not and meet other moms.<br><br>
Speaking from someone who has more than one child and could not/cannot arrange our schedule around the baby's nap, slings and baby carriers were/are the answer for me. I think ds1 probably took 70% of his naps in his first year in the sling, and for ds2 it'll be more like 100%!
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/bow.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="bow"> Whoa, you mamas are brave. I don't have the guts to trust that they'll make up for it later. I just revolve the world around their naps. I think everything changes when the second (or in my case third) shows up.<br><br>
To the OP, I have a friend who sounds like you. She used to even get anxiety attacks when she left her LO. It's gotton better as she gets older (LO is 15 mo). I like the Pp's advice. I would add to maybe take a Vitamin B-100 beofre leaving to help even out the hormone/stress surges when you're out if you're away. You need to remeber it's not only your job to be a good, always-there when needed mother but also to be a balanced and peaceful mother. And give your DH more credit. He's the daddy. He has a right to parent solo too.
 

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Don't feel bad for needing a break. Most of us do. Not having one for years at a time is an unrealistic expectation for most people. After DD goes to bed is when I like to play, either having wine at a friends house or going out for coffee or whatever. She usually will just stay sleeping if Dad is sleeping next to her and he is capable of putting her back to sleep pretty easy. I figure she's sleeping anyways so it's not critical time to be spending with her. Can you manage something similar?
 

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I would also add to the PP that you take regular doses of Omega 3. It helps w anxiety, too. We too LOVE the mei-tai! Good luck and check back soon!
 

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Hi Julie!<br><br>
I do know how you feel--I work full-time outside the home, and as of this week started back to grad school two nights a week. DD stays at home with DH during these times. Talk about feeling guilty! I work one of my days from home, so I scheduled one of my night classes on that day so that I only have one full day where I'm gone--my dd is 7 mos. old. I've been back to work since she was 3 mos.<br>
Needless to say, when I'm not working or at school, I spend every second with DD. We co-sleep and night nurse because I feel it's an opportunity to bond, even if she is sleeping. Your comment about going to Target as a "treat" made me grin b/c I do the exact same thing...and much like you, I often cut the trip short!<br>
In your case I would say don't be afraid to take a little time for yourself. I like to have a glass of wine with DH after DD goes to sleep, or sometimes I take time out for a bath or a cup of coffee on a weekend morning. It sounds like you're doing a wonderful job. I think it's normal to feel some level of anxiety about being away from your little one--we're probably built that way for a reason. But on the other hand, a lot of those times when I come home early from my trips to Target, I find that DD and DH were getting along fabulously without me. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">
 

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I work FT so I totally understand where you are coming from (I also nurse DD on my lunch hour). I try to be with my DD as much as I possibly can, With that said, my DH also works full-time, so I also feel that he has a right to his alone times with her - they need their time to bond, too. "My" time usually consists of working out (some things I just can't do WITH her yet, like cycling and swimming.)<br><br>
Sometimes I work ariound her naps, sometimes not. If I know she's going in the car, the Kozy or the jogging stroller (I jog with her), then I do count on the fact that she can nap in those if she needs to. I pretty much do what Peony does. If I sense that she's really tired (maybe from a busy day before) and I can skip any plans I have, then I will cancel and let her sleep undisturbed. My DD is a real trooper, though. She doesn't complain much at all. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">: She loves to go out and see things and people - she's very curious.
 
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