Giving my son confidence
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If they are saying negative things to your son about his body that is verbal and emotional abuse. You should tell them to cut it out or they don't need to be around your son. Putting down a child's body is unacceptable and I wouldn't put up with it at all. Your son shouldn't have to ignore their abusive remarks, he should NEVER hear them.
I would definitely tell your son why his whole body is great but not to counteract rude comments from family.
I would definitely tell your son why his whole body is great but not to counteract rude comments from family.
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Have you tried telling them straight out that you don't want to hear any more comments about it, and that if they refuse to drop the subject, you won't allow your son (or yourself) to be around them any more? Just because they live on the same street doesn't mean you have to visit their house with your son. Do they come to your house uninvited?
Originally Posted by aircantu1 They absolutely don't care about learning or researching anything (especially via the internet) so facts won't work. We've been smart a$$es right back to them, that doesn't work. We've ignored them. They just won't drop it. |
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I think it is time for a real live, honest to goodness, red-in-the-face, screaming mimis, temper tantrum. Put it in no uncertain terms that you will have no more of it and there will be hell-to-pay if your son ever hears any of it.
If they are too set in their ways to do their own research and learn about it, they get what they deserve. You are researching in the world's biggest and best library to make the absolute best decisions you can for your family. They are totally out of line to butt in to your decision making process when they are not putting the same research efforts in to their opinions.
Sometimes it takes a very aggressive offense to get their attention. It tends to shock them into rational thought processes.
Frank
If they are too set in their ways to do their own research and learn about it, they get what they deserve. You are researching in the world's biggest and best library to make the absolute best decisions you can for your family. They are totally out of line to butt in to your decision making process when they are not putting the same research efforts in to their opinions.
Sometimes it takes a very aggressive offense to get their attention. It tends to shock them into rational thought processes.
Frank
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I am a smart pants and would say something like "why are you so intrested in my son' s penis. Do you have an underlying sex issue that I should know about?"
Or
"Boy I thought only pedophiles were only this intrested in little boys penises."
Or
"Boy I thought only pedophiles were only this intrested in little boys penises."
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Have you read the stories people tell here about informing their own children? The kids consistently just realize, without having to be 'convinced', that routine and ritual genital amputation is a really bad, wrong, hurtful thing to do to a person.
They haven't been screwed up and made all neurotic, where 'social acceptance' issues are concerned, like we 'adults' yet, or infected with all the mythical memes about the Virulent Venomous Ticking Time-bomb Foreskin of Filth and Deadly Dooooooooom. . .so they get it right away.
As far as your son's emotional stability is concerned, I'd say the simple truth is your first, best line of defense. It's hard to beat the truth. I'd suggest telling him to come tell you as soon as any of your in-laws said anything different, also.
I really don't feel qualified to suggest a particular age at which to first tell him about it. But I think you definitely should tell him at some point. . .perhaps before he starts elementary school, or maybe even kindergarden?
Come to think of it, for his own protection he needs to know that nobody acting as a caregiver for him is supposed to be retracting him, unless absolutely necessary, in the first place. Which probably means explaining him that people are really ignorant about intactness in boys. . .and then you could use his father's side of the family as an example, heh heh. Double defense that way.
Honestly, I'd say just trust the truth to see him through.
Now, as far as your in-laws go. . .kinda sounds to me like it's time you and your DH started setting some limits for them. You are parents raising a child and it's their job to be supportive of you, not critical. And you are the one to decide what's which, not them. They are not to be picking at you or your son or your DH or your parenting decisions like this, period, end of story, so they can just cut the freaking deck and deal with it, already.
Originally Posted by aircantu1 I guess my question is -- how can I help my son learn to ignore their negativity and have confidence in spite of his family? We live on the same street as most of them so keeping him away isn't really an option. And I have a feeling this is something they're never going to get over. 
I just want to know how to raise a little intactivist like some of the little boys I read about on here. 
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Have you read the stories people tell here about informing their own children? The kids consistently just realize, without having to be 'convinced', that routine and ritual genital amputation is a really bad, wrong, hurtful thing to do to a person.
They haven't been screwed up and made all neurotic, where 'social acceptance' issues are concerned, like we 'adults' yet, or infected with all the mythical memes about the Virulent Venomous Ticking Time-bomb Foreskin of Filth and Deadly Dooooooooom. . .so they get it right away.
As far as your son's emotional stability is concerned, I'd say the simple truth is your first, best line of defense. It's hard to beat the truth. I'd suggest telling him to come tell you as soon as any of your in-laws said anything different, also.
I really don't feel qualified to suggest a particular age at which to first tell him about it. But I think you definitely should tell him at some point. . .perhaps before he starts elementary school, or maybe even kindergarden?
Come to think of it, for his own protection he needs to know that nobody acting as a caregiver for him is supposed to be retracting him, unless absolutely necessary, in the first place. Which probably means explaining him that people are really ignorant about intactness in boys. . .and then you could use his father's side of the family as an example, heh heh. Double defense that way.
Honestly, I'd say just trust the truth to see him through.
Now, as far as your in-laws go. . .kinda sounds to me like it's time you and your DH started setting some limits for them. You are parents raising a child and it's their job to be supportive of you, not critical. And you are the one to decide what's which, not them. They are not to be picking at you or your son or your DH or your parenting decisions like this, period, end of story, so they can just cut the freaking deck and deal with it, already.
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Thank you for that. You're right. I have read those stories. I think my son will be just fine.
The gripe about DH's family was really just venting. My real question was about my son. Thanks!
Originally Posted by Acksiom Have you read the stories people tell here about informing their own children? The kids consistently just realize, without having to be 'convinced', that routine and ritual genital amputation is a really bad, wrong, hurtful thing to do to a person. |
The gripe about DH's family was really just venting. My real question was about my son. Thanks!
Why don't you just give them the opportunity once and for all- to put their ignorance "on the record" Tell them:
"Look, I believe that every person has a right to their own body and that NO ONE has a right to cut pieces of them off. Obviously you feel differently, so since you persist in harassing me over the way that I respected and protected my child's body from sexist out of date mindests based on ignorant myths and a lack of understanding of human sexual function and a lack of respect for human rights- I would like- once and for all- for you to just get it all out of your system.
Here- here is a piece of paper and a pen- write it down and address it to HIM. (or offer them a video camera interview) Make your case to HIM why YOU want to change his penis and harass his mother over the way that she protected him from the opinions of people like you who think that HIS penis is something which you have a right to mutilate. You spell it out for him so he can know just where YOU STAND- because like it or not- he IS your nephew/cousin/grandson....and he will be your relative for the rest of his life and he has a right to know what makes you tick. Just how driven you are to mutilate another person's body. To be fair to you- I will let you put it in your OWN words rather than tell him my version of the way you harassed me throughout his childhood. This mutilation you propose would stay with him for the rest of his life, so there is no reason why- if you would argue for the mutilation- that you would not have to have a permanent record of your EXCUSES why you have a claim to his sex organ. Have at it- I'll keep this for him till he is an adult, or you can keep it if you choose- but I don't ever want to hear another word about his penis from you.
There is no point in trying to convince ME to cut his penis, it's not MY PENIS to cut- so you can just forget about that. You are barking up the wrong tree. If you want to take it up with him again when HE is an adult- that's between you and him. But don't you dare say one word to him about his penis before then- that is child emotional abuse and it won't be tolerated."
"Look, I believe that every person has a right to their own body and that NO ONE has a right to cut pieces of them off. Obviously you feel differently, so since you persist in harassing me over the way that I respected and protected my child's body from sexist out of date mindests based on ignorant myths and a lack of understanding of human sexual function and a lack of respect for human rights- I would like- once and for all- for you to just get it all out of your system.
Here- here is a piece of paper and a pen- write it down and address it to HIM. (or offer them a video camera interview) Make your case to HIM why YOU want to change his penis and harass his mother over the way that she protected him from the opinions of people like you who think that HIS penis is something which you have a right to mutilate. You spell it out for him so he can know just where YOU STAND- because like it or not- he IS your nephew/cousin/grandson....and he will be your relative for the rest of his life and he has a right to know what makes you tick. Just how driven you are to mutilate another person's body. To be fair to you- I will let you put it in your OWN words rather than tell him my version of the way you harassed me throughout his childhood. This mutilation you propose would stay with him for the rest of his life, so there is no reason why- if you would argue for the mutilation- that you would not have to have a permanent record of your EXCUSES why you have a claim to his sex organ. Have at it- I'll keep this for him till he is an adult, or you can keep it if you choose- but I don't ever want to hear another word about his penis from you.
There is no point in trying to convince ME to cut his penis, it's not MY PENIS to cut- so you can just forget about that. You are barking up the wrong tree. If you want to take it up with him again when HE is an adult- that's between you and him. But don't you dare say one word to him about his penis before then- that is child emotional abuse and it won't be tolerated."
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Just keep positive.Point out what is normal and what is not.Not to tease cut boys,but understand that they are the ones with a penis that is not normal.As for there not being any intact boys around point out that parents are no different that teens who give into peer pressure.Parents are afraid to go against the tide especially in areas with high circ rates,but there always has to be a *first*.He is the first to be blessed in your family with not having to carry around a scar on his penis for the rest of his life.
Best wishes!!!!!
Originally Posted by aircantu1 But here we are, 20 months later, and DH's family still hasn't shut up about it. Honestly I don't think a day goes by when somebody doesn't say something. It's usually totally ignorant and stupid stuff that I won't even bother repeating...>>> Ask them why they are so obsessed with a little boys penis,and why they want to mutilate it so bad!!! My in-laws are the same and I have no problems pointing out to my son when he is older how crazy THEY must be to obsess over wanting to cut up his penis. They ofcourse say it is for God and to be cleaner.Yea,like my son will want to follow a god that wants to cut off parts of his body-NOT! And he can wash his penis just fine.Probably better than my dd does in that area. The older my son gets, the more I worry. I'm afraid all of their negative comments are going to begin to wear on him, as he starts to understand. >>> Cut off contact.Is that hard? My in-laws are far away but even if they visit I have no problem leaving the room(or house).In fact if they are rude enough to invite themselves for 2 months like last time I will move in with a freind till they leave. Heck, they're starting to wear on me. >>>> Just tell them to SHUT the **** up AND LEAVE now! And don't come back till you apologise. Atleast you seem to have your dh on your side.My dh tends to side with his goofy parents. I guess my question is -- how can I help my son learn to ignore their negativity and have confidence in spite of his family?>>> Just tell him that his grandparents refuse to admit that cutting the genitals of little babies/kids is wrong,but mom/dad know better.That more and more people are able to admit it was a mistake to do,and thankfully less boys(and girls) are being cut.He is normal and what his grandparents want done is NOT NORMAL. We live on the same street as most of them so keeping him away isn't really an option. >>>> It is always an option.Lock the door. And I have a feeling this is something they're never going to get over.>>>> Mine won't either since they are muslim turks,but that is THEIR problem. They could have had a wonderful relationship with their grandkids,but it came with string attached for them(do this/that or we won't accept those children).So now they are limited to just pictures.
They don't explain anything and hope their children never ask,but that will become more rare these days.I can not wait till my son is old enough so I can talk about it(he is 26mo) I just want to know how to raise a little intactivist like some of the little boys I read about on here.
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Just keep positive.Point out what is normal and what is not.Not to tease cut boys,but understand that they are the ones with a penis that is not normal.As for there not being any intact boys around point out that parents are no different that teens who give into peer pressure.Parents are afraid to go against the tide especially in areas with high circ rates,but there always has to be a *first*.He is the first to be blessed in your family with not having to carry around a scar on his penis for the rest of his life.
Best wishes!!!!!
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