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We had a bit of an incident at ECFE this morning (sort of a playgroup/parent education class, held once a week, for those who don't know).
In the age group that dd is in now, 2-year olds, the parents and children separate for part of the class time, in theory anyway. Dd has a very hard time with this, and has only agreed to it a couple of times. Today she wouldn't, so I stayed with the kids and the two teachers assigned to watch them while the other parents left to go to another room.
One of the women in that group is the normal teacher for the class. She just had her second baby three weeks ago, so is on maternity leave, but came today with her older son (well, and the baby) to participate in the class. Her son, J, has a hard time with separation, too, but it normally isn't an issue because she's usually there with him as the teacher. This was the first time they've come just as participants and had to separate.
A little about the two teachers in charge now: One has been there for a couple of months, so the kids are somewhat familiar with her. The other is the substitute for the one on maternity leave, and this is only her second week. She's quite young and inexperienced. Neither of them have kids, and neither of them seem overly comfortable with the kids. They don't quite know what to do when one of them gets upset, their interactions seem kind of forced, etc.
So anyway, J started crying as soon as the parents left, and the substitute was sort of trying to console him, but not doing a very good job of it. I give her credit for trying, but she was really out of her element. And besides, he didn't want to be consoled--he just wanted his mommy.
When the normal teacher is there, she is very good about coming to get the parent when a child is upset. She knows the kids well and knows when they can be comforted and when they can't, and she doesn't let them cry for more than a couple of minutes.
Well, J was crying for at least 10 or 15 minutes, with absolutely no glimmer of hope that he was going to stop. It was just breaking my heart, and I kept waiting for one of the teachers to get his mom, as I thought was the policy. At this point, I asked one of them to call the room she was in and let her know she needed to come back, but they both just hemmed and hawed and didn't do a darn thing.
So I went and got her myself, explaining to her that J had been crying this whole time and that the teachers weren't going to come get her. I was pretty upset, not only for J, but also thinking that this is how they would handle dd if she got upset and I wasn't there. If it was her crying for me and they didn't come get me, I'd be pissed! To the mom's credit, she didn't seem as angry with them as I would have been, but she did say that she would talk to them after class (as she is the actual teacher and knows how things should be done). J was fine as soon as she got to the room, and played happily the rest of the time.
Then I got a call after we got home, from the director of the program, who isn't involved in our class. She had talked to everyone involved there and wanted to get my opinion on the situation, and wanted to make sure that I wasn't upset or anything. She said the substitute felt bad, which I could sort of tell at the time, but I wasn't too concerned with her feelings when there was a two-year old crying for his mommy. One point I made on the phone was that I know J better than the sub does, and I knew that he wasn't going to calm down with anyone but his mom, so maybe she'll get the hang of it more once she gets to know the kids. Anyway, it sounds like they more or less understand that that's not okay, and it shouldn't happen again. I'm still a little nervous about leaving dd with them (assuming she'll ever let me!).
I really have mixed feelings about this whole class now, though. I've been feeling for a while that most of the discussions with the other parents are frustrating to me because none of them parent the way I do, and now this... but dd has made some great friends there (as much as two-year olds can), and looks forward to seeing them. I suppose we'll keep going, and hope the sub doesn't hate me!
In the age group that dd is in now, 2-year olds, the parents and children separate for part of the class time, in theory anyway. Dd has a very hard time with this, and has only agreed to it a couple of times. Today she wouldn't, so I stayed with the kids and the two teachers assigned to watch them while the other parents left to go to another room.
One of the women in that group is the normal teacher for the class. She just had her second baby three weeks ago, so is on maternity leave, but came today with her older son (well, and the baby) to participate in the class. Her son, J, has a hard time with separation, too, but it normally isn't an issue because she's usually there with him as the teacher. This was the first time they've come just as participants and had to separate.
A little about the two teachers in charge now: One has been there for a couple of months, so the kids are somewhat familiar with her. The other is the substitute for the one on maternity leave, and this is only her second week. She's quite young and inexperienced. Neither of them have kids, and neither of them seem overly comfortable with the kids. They don't quite know what to do when one of them gets upset, their interactions seem kind of forced, etc.
So anyway, J started crying as soon as the parents left, and the substitute was sort of trying to console him, but not doing a very good job of it. I give her credit for trying, but she was really out of her element. And besides, he didn't want to be consoled--he just wanted his mommy.
When the normal teacher is there, she is very good about coming to get the parent when a child is upset. She knows the kids well and knows when they can be comforted and when they can't, and she doesn't let them cry for more than a couple of minutes.
Well, J was crying for at least 10 or 15 minutes, with absolutely no glimmer of hope that he was going to stop. It was just breaking my heart, and I kept waiting for one of the teachers to get his mom, as I thought was the policy. At this point, I asked one of them to call the room she was in and let her know she needed to come back, but they both just hemmed and hawed and didn't do a darn thing.
So I went and got her myself, explaining to her that J had been crying this whole time and that the teachers weren't going to come get her. I was pretty upset, not only for J, but also thinking that this is how they would handle dd if she got upset and I wasn't there. If it was her crying for me and they didn't come get me, I'd be pissed! To the mom's credit, she didn't seem as angry with them as I would have been, but she did say that she would talk to them after class (as she is the actual teacher and knows how things should be done). J was fine as soon as she got to the room, and played happily the rest of the time.
Then I got a call after we got home, from the director of the program, who isn't involved in our class. She had talked to everyone involved there and wanted to get my opinion on the situation, and wanted to make sure that I wasn't upset or anything. She said the substitute felt bad, which I could sort of tell at the time, but I wasn't too concerned with her feelings when there was a two-year old crying for his mommy. One point I made on the phone was that I know J better than the sub does, and I knew that he wasn't going to calm down with anyone but his mom, so maybe she'll get the hang of it more once she gets to know the kids. Anyway, it sounds like they more or less understand that that's not okay, and it shouldn't happen again. I'm still a little nervous about leaving dd with them (assuming she'll ever let me!).
I really have mixed feelings about this whole class now, though. I've been feeling for a while that most of the discussions with the other parents are frustrating to me because none of them parent the way I do, and now this... but dd has made some great friends there (as much as two-year olds can), and looks forward to seeing them. I suppose we'll keep going, and hope the sub doesn't hate me!
