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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi everyone,<br><br>
I'm not sure whether I'm really looking for advice (though I'll be happy to take any!!) or just getting my feelings out <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/innocent.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shy"><br><br>
DH is in the military, and I got pregnant with dd right after he got out of OCS/boot camp. We were getting ready to move, and I was going to be about 4 months preggo when we got to our new duty station, so we both decided that instead of going to work, I'd just wait until dd came, then we'd go from there. My husband is an officer so he makes a comfortable enough salary for us to get by. Fast forward to today, dd is 26 months, and we don't have any plans for another child in the immediate future for many reasons. Perhaps in a few years, but not right now.<br><br>
I really want to go back to work. I've got a bachelors degree and I'm working on my masters (in curriculum). I'm not a teacher, but I've worked in the school system doing many things before. I've done vocational counseling, I've worked with both students and adults with disabilities (my personal niche I think). We really could use the help financially - though we are getting by, DH and I both have some significant student loan debt, plus we are looking to buy a house within the next few years when he is eligible to get out of the service. Not to mention that I feel like I *need* to go back to work for my mental health... I'm just not a good SAHM, I feel like I need more stimulation.<br><br>
Here's the rub - dd is a VERY high needs child. Very clingy to mama... she won't even go to my DH most days, she only wants mama. We've tried a few little playgroups and while she does well, she's not very social, she hangs around me the whole time, never letting me out of her sight. She does well with both of her grandmothers, but neither of them live close enough to watch her during the day.<br><br>
I'm worried that if I go back, it will throw her into a tailspin. I can't bear the thought of her crying every morning at daycare or preschool when I leave her... but she really could use the social opportunities. She likes to be around other kids, but she just isn't social if that makes any sense.<br><br>
I'm not thinking about going back until the end of the summer at least... and I've looked into part-time jobs, but nothing is really open around here (it's sort of a rural area).<br><br>
Sorry so long. And again, I'm not really sure what I'm asking per-se... but I just needed to get that all out. DH supports whatever decision that I make, but I think he would like to see me go back to work because he knows that I am going a bit stir crazy as a SAHM. I'm just torn between doing what's best for me and what might be best for dd. Thanks for listening. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment">
 

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No advise, just hugs for you. It is a tough decision... perhaps in a bit of time your daughter will be more ready to be away from you for part of the day...
 

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Could you and dh afford to do a trial run with a local daycare or pre-school? At your dd's age (which is a bit younger than my DS2), it's really tough to tell exactly how a child is going to react to certain new situations. It could be valuable to get some insight into how she reacts by trying some short days for a couple weeks and just see if it's something she enjoys.<br><br>
As for the clingy-ness, DS2 is like that, too. He <b>definitely</b> prefers me over anyone else <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"> He's very cuddly, always wants to sit next to me, gets PO'd when DP tries to pick him up when he's with me, gets a little jealous of DS1 when he and I are doing something together, etc. If you saw us together on a day off, you'd swear he never left my side.... but come time for "school", he's happy (about 90% of the time) to just give me some big hugs and a kiss and then he's off an running and playing with his friends.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Thanks everyone <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"><br><br>
I've thought about doing a trial run for daycare, but the cheapest ones around here are about 150 a week (the cheapest ones that I'm willing to send dd to anyway.... some of them just sit and watch tv all day and snack on doritos, I don't want that) so we really can't without doing it just for a week then pulling her back out until I found a job, and that seems like it would be hard on her too.<br><br>
I'm really leaning heavily toward a September return to work. We are going to visit one daycare soon that sounds really great, and if she seems like she likes it, I'm going to enroll her in the fall. And we really could use the extra money.<br><br>
I'm going to try to let her have a couple of weeks in daycare before I actually start working, but have a job lined up if that makes any sense. It is a tough decision, I just feel like this is something I need to do for myself - being a SAHM has been eating away at me for a while, especially mentally.<br><br>
Thanks again.
 

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Hey apple dumpling - I hear you. My first was very clingy, too. Always wanted Mommy over everyone else - hated Daddy. (Thankfully, she loves him now - she's 4.5yo - so hang in there.)<br><br>
I also have a 2yo - she's Miss Easy-Going. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/loveeyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Loveeyes">:<br><br>
I am sensing that part of your frustration at being a SAHM is due to having a high-needs child. I don't think it takes much sleuthing to see they *are* related! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"> BTDT!<br><br>
I, too, wanted to get back to work. I, too, also felt that leaving her with a caregiver was going to make her explode. It's really easy to get caught up in that, and start to worry, and think it can't work out, and maybe even feel some guilt (hate that guilt!) about the whole thing.<br><br>
But you know what - it's gonna be fine. She is gonna be fine. Really. She loves you the best! Of course she does! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> But she will enjoy the *right* daycare/preschool/nanny/caregiver, too.<br><br>
26 months is a clingy time, in general. Even my Miss Easy-Going will balk going to her nanny some days - and she LOVES her nanny! And at 26 months, they aren't very social yet - this is still the time where they are playing on their own, side-by-side stuff, mainly focused on Mommy, etc. So, going to daycare/preschool is not necessarily about *them*, KWIM? And it's fine if it is about YOU - you need a break, you need to work, you need that, and that is OK.<br><br>
You can find a situation that will be good for your daughter. I truly believe that - if you let go of the worries about it, and start focusing on finding the best situation you can - that is the key.
 

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In terms of helping dd adjust to a daycare situation, I would second the recommendation to spend a few weeks getting her acclimated. For example, if you could bring her there for a short time each day for a week or two, then she will begin to My ds is/was "high needs" (I like to call it highly interactive) and I have had him in part time care since he was 5 months old. I think it was hard on him until he gained mobility at 9 months. In my perfect world I would have preferred to have him there for short days more days of the week. Like 4 hours a day...<br>
Another thing that was helpful was having my dh drop him off instead of me.<br>
Good luck
 
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