[Vegarchist]

Please help! Ds is 16 months and he is really learning to communicate. He has lots of words and many signs. However, lately he has taken to doing something that is making me absolutely crazy. Whenever he wants something (especially something he cannot have) he points and starts saying "da? da? da? da? da? da? dadadadadadadadadadadadadadaddadadadadaadadada.... .?!"

And so what do I do? I give it to him, of course

:, because I am going out of my mind. I know this is not the best tactic (it led to his throwing my stupid expensive phone into a bucket of mop water)

and I am sure it is reinforcing this behavior.

He has also started doing this when he wants to go outside. He will climb in my lap and grab me by both of my shoulders and shake me saying "da?da?da?da?da?da? DA! DA! DA! DA-HA-HA! (insert crying here)" until what? I take him outside. Now don't get me wrong, I want to let the boy play outside but we live in Eugene Oregon and IT IS RAINING HERE ALL THE FREAKING TIME! Sometimes I don't want to go stand in the rain! He will do it even after we just got back in from playing outside, tho he mostly does it when he's sleepy.

In the mornings he will cling to my pants leg while I try to make breakfast. I can't move around and I start to feel clausterphobic (sp). I pick him up and love him but he just starts the thing again and I just want to cry and it makes our whole day start out badly. When DH tries to take him he just starts saying "Mama. Mama. Mama. Mama. Mama. Mama. Mama. Mama. Mama. Mama, etc. forever" and then cries if I don't hold him.

I feel like I am going about this all wrong. I know he is not "manipulating" me, but I do feel like he is wearing me down. I have also gotten to the point of giving him a snack when he acts starts in on this routine and it usually quiets him down

:. I am a WAHM and sometimes I need some PEACE!

I just feel like I am teaching him how to make mom crazy and get what he wants. I don't feel like a very good mama. I feel like I am losing my cool and copping out. I am the only person I know with a baby. Somebody help me.

Any wise words... any at all.

Thanks for reading.

 

[Vegarchist]

C'mon, where are all you mommas who can't stand to see a post with no replies?

 

[MsMoMpls]

We are here. You need to practice Gentle Discipline with yourself first. You are learning to be a momma. And he is your teacher. Your doing about how most of us do with the first real challenge- the toddler. Your number one tool at this point is distraction. Now, I wouldn't use the food distraction too often or you will have a little butterball on your hands... save food for serious issues like wanting to go to the bathroom. You say that you are afraid you are teaching him to get what he wants but that is what you are suppose to be teaching him. How to get what he wants by communicating. And what is the difference between manipulating and communicating? I can't imagine trying to work while dealing with my nonstop 15 month old. In fact as I am typing this, he is trying to unplug the computer (for the 20th time in 10 minutes) and has dumped all the dirty laundry out of the basket and all the recycleables out of the bin. And its after 10 and he has been up since 2 and I am having horrible thoughts of.... oh, you know. So... dumping the laundry and the recycling are actually distractions. I know that if I want to keep him busy and get something done, I need the good stuff. That means pulling out something new and messy. And at this time of night, I am willing to do just about anything. My grandmother used to say "Give them the clock and the hammer." Give them whatever will keep them quiet. And that was her parenting strategy 65 years ago... and it still works.

I know you are struggling, but be patient with you. You are just starting your journey of becoming a fantastic mother and it is going to be a bumpy ride. It always is. Hang in there dear and keep us posted.

 

[captain optimism]

If he's crying until you give him a snack, he's probably hungry. So give him a snack. He's a toddler, they have tiny tummies. Don't feel bad about giving him a snack! My son is only just starting to know when he is hungry. Sometimes he'll get grumpy and we'll both go "aha! he needs FOOD!"

My ds did the leg-clinging thing, and still does, sometimes. As he gets older, he's increasingly able to amuse himself. While you are making breakfast, let him play with the pots and pans, or let him turn the radio on and off, or let him eat an apple. All of those things worked for us around 16 months.

It's okay if he cries when you say no, he's not going to cry forever and you aren't doing CIO if you are right there holding him and giving him other things to think about and do. There are always mysterious objects of desire that can soothe the savage breast.

 

[Vegarchist]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MsMoMpls My grandmother used to say "Give them the clock and the hammer." Give them whatever will keep them quiet.

I love this. I will use this forever (the line, not necessarily the tactic).

Thanks you so much for your replies. I am sorry it has taken so long to respond. I just wanted to say thank you so much for your kind words and undersanding. Me and ds have gotten through those rough few days am i am realizing that what worked for my baby does not work for my now toddler. I appreciate the support I know is here on MDC when I feel like I am gonna lose it. Thanks again!

 

[Mommy&Will]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vegarchist i am realizing that what worked for my baby does not work for my now toddler.

I can SO relate to this! I remember with ds #1 thinking that just when I thought I had him figured out, he goes and changes on me! :LOL

And now with ds #2... I thought I knew it all since this was the second time around, but he is totally different from his big brother. So I continue on with my learning curve. :LOL

 

[cjr]

DS uses "Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba.......and so on". He has limited words, but does this even though he knows the words. He is almost 16months. Whenever he clings to my legs and hangs off of me, he's either hungry or thirsty...every time. If he's not hungry then he won't take what you are offering him. Don't worry about giving him snacks. DS also gets very frustrated when he can't go outside. "Side, side, side" over and over again, along with some sort of tantrum. I have to distract him and sometimes that doesn't work and neither does holding him, so I just have to let him get it out his own way. The worst is when I'm trying to make dinner and he's pushing between me and the cubbord and saying "ba, ba, ba, ba....and so on". It really gets trying, and when I'm getting his dinner and he's doing this...wow. I know it's coming, but he doesn't.

Hang in there. This like most of his little life is yet another stage. It will get better.