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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm not sure if I'm pg yet (testing Dec. 4th) but I was wondering how different it will be to have 2 small children. DS will be 23 months old if I deliver in mid to late Aug 2008. I am looking into going back to work part-time after the first of the year (I currently work for my church about 10 hours a week and plan to keep that job as well).<br><br>
I'm just wondering about the demands of having two small children and what is easier/harder the second time around. My MIL kept DS for 10 months when I was working full time but I din't know how that will work out with two. We don't have very many daycare options around here and DS won't go to preschool until at least 3.5 or so.<br><br>
Just wondering what to expect and how much going back to work (even part-time) will affect the equation.<br><br>
TIA!!<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/Rainbow.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rainbow peace">
 

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Congrats on your possible pregnancy!<br><br>
We have two now.... 21 months apart. Honestly, for me it is not as difficult as it was with just one. But I had undiagnosed/unrecognized PPD for 1.5 years after DS1. I didn't realize how depressed I was until I had a very empowering, uncomplicated homebirth with DS2 and immediately felt like a different person.<br><br>
DS2 lives his life in a wrap/mei tei on my back so that I have arms to help DS1. DS2 is a much more laid back baby than DS1 was, meaning that he sleeps, is not a comfort nurser, and will calm down and even go to sleep with people other than myself and even DH... so that is HUGE as far as making the transition easier. With DS2 riding on my front or back all the time he can sleep easily and I can get things done. And so far this week (crosses fingers) they have been napping together!!!<br><br>
It is so adorable now with DS2 becoming sooooo in love with his big brother. DS1 can make him laugh like no one else, and both of them are soooo excited to play together.<br><br>
DS1 has quickly learned some independence (going to sleep easier, being able to wait for me to finish what I was doing ....we really tried to help him learn some patience b4 the baby was born by finishing what we were doing b4 jumping up to get him what he asked for... he also has learned to tap his fingers while he waits...too cute). He has a couple dolls to nurse or change diapers so he can be like mommy, and I really try to make 1:1 time with him important. I also try to not blame things on the baby... like instead of saying "we have to leave the park cause baby is cold" I say something like "lets go home and have a snack/cook/meet daddy" . That way the baby isn't being blamed all the time for his having to quit fun things or wait or whatever.<br>
It has really been a learn as we go experience, and I really can't wait until they can really play together. DS1 has been trying to share the toys and food with DS2 since day one!! They are very cute together.
 

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i have a 4 week old boy, his big brother is 24 months old <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
and you knoiw what<br><br>
it was 100X esier than i expected and 1000X times better than i fears <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
I am already glad we had them so close<br><br>
yes i get a fight or flight reaction when the both scream <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"><br><br>
and yes, bed time is tough -- i take the 2 yo to bed at 7:30, after nurseing the baby, ...........daddy holds the baby (good tiem for them) and i hope DS1 is asleep before DS2 needs me, and about 1/2 the time DH has to bring the baby to me and switch laying down with DS1 and sometimes, we even have to swtich BACK again -- buttttttttttttttt DS1 is a sucky sleeper and that has NOTHING to do with havign two kids. DS2 actually sleeps better already <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
no i have not been prave enough to go out alone with the two of them<br><br>
my sling and moby wrap are life savers<br><br>
the house is not always as uncluttered and put away as i would like -- i have 2 nurseing on me now -- and 3 laods of laundy to fold that have been sitting there all week <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"><br><br>
But DS 1 loooooooooooooove his baby brother -- asks to hold him all the time, is trying to be soft in his touches ......i know they will be good friends.<br><br>
2 in diapers is no big deal, i have to wash them anyway<br><br>
2 nurseing is AMAZING and WONDERFUL and worth it all<br><br>
sleeping with two -- one on each side of me -- can be a PITA ... they wake each other, i have to have a light to nurse DS2 and that bothers DH and DS1, and boyoh boy i can not move most of the night .... but again, it is worth it too <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
i pump 3 or 4 times a day due to forceful let down, or else DS2 can't nurse, DS1 knows how to put together a breast pump <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
DS1 sits with us when we nurse almost all the time, but plays alone as much as he did before the baby ....<br><br>
it is going better than i dared to hope -- check back in 6 month when DS2 doesn't just sleep 20 hours a day <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
Aimee
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Thanks so much! I plan to babywear alot like I did with DS and I love the idea of not "blaming" the baby. I have always wanted my children close in age. I'm planning to VBAC and I'm hoping that will help me get over my disappointing/traumatic birth with DS. I'm glad to hear that having a good birth helped you. DS never BF after spending 10 days in NICU so I pumped for nearly 10 months. I'm hoping to EBF this time until the child weans him/herself. I've also done some reading on "Lying In" the first six weeks and hope to be able to do some form of that.<br><br>
I'm worried about going back to work b/c I feel that a job is just that and there will always be time to work. I have a master's degree and work with non-profits so there will always be a place for me if I decide not to work again for a while. I'm hoping to one day open a wellness center for women offering yoga and pilates, massage, doula/childbirth education, jewlery/clothing, meeting area, art studio, etc. DH will inherit some commerical property that his mom now rents out as custom body shop that I hope to turn into individual commerical studios that promote women's spritual and phyisical health.<br><br>
I figure if I own my own business I can make my own hours and have a place my children can come after school. It's just a dream now but I'm already starting to research and talk to local and national business owners and make a plan.<br><br>
Boy, that got a bit off topic. I'm really excited about being pg again and it makes my mind go in a bizillion directions!!
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Thanks Aimee! Sounds like you have a great DH and son! I may have to check back with you in 6 months to see how it's going.
 

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Honestly, I think it has a LOT to do with your kids' personalities. DS is a totally laid back kid and he hndled the transition from only to sibling really well (I mean, there were hiccups, but nothing like some of the hair-raising stories I've heard)....DD is....very intense, and has been from day one. So, for me, going from 1 to 2 was WAY harder than from 0 to 1. Nothing has been easier than I thought it would be - everything has been about what I thought it would be, or harder. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> But I attribute it to the fact that DD is very intense and needs a lot more of me than DS did...and since there's two of them, there's the balance of meeting both of their needs and not completely neglecting myself in the process.<br><br>
Soooo, there you go. I think a lot of it is just how your child's temperament is. You certainly can help with responsive parenting no matter what their personality is, but if your second child is intense, it's going to be a challenge no matter what the personality of the first, since you can physically only be one place at a time.<br><br>
Having said that, I wouldn't change a thing - those first 4 months were really hairy sometimes. And DD is now a still intense toddler. But we're loving life, and I can't imagine our family without either of them just the way they are.<br><br>
Oh yeah - DS was 30 months when DD was born.<br><br>
SO there you go - maybe not what you wanted to hear, but there it is!
 

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i agree we don't "blame the baby"<br><br>
BUT i DO poitn out "T you have to wiat will i change C's diaper, then we will read the book" -- it is giving him words, he can SEE I am NOT reading and I AM changing the diaper .... yk? Also I make sure he hears me "tell" the 4 week old "C I hear you fussing and i will pick you up as soon as I get T a new cup of milk" -- so he sees that it goes both ways.<br><br>
i agrree we don't leave the park cuz baby is cold, maybe because momma is <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">, but i do try to point out "do you think C is getting cold, he can't run around like you, would you be cold sitting still" -- ok maybe he is too young, but at some point it will start to mean something.<br><br>
But when they came to the hosptial to see us, 2 yo passed up me for the baby ... <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
oh yes, and ours were "plotted and planned" to be as close as they were -- and actually it took us 6 month of TTC <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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Oh I'm so happy to be reading this! It seems everyone I know tells me going from 1 to 2 is HORRIBLE and the worst thing ever. My son will be 22 months when this baby is born. I want them as close in age as possible (I wait 1 year due to miscarriage though) because I always wanted siblings. But I'm totally nervous!
 

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In the beginning, 1 to 2 was tough. Dd1 was 27 months when dd2 was born. Dd1 needed me, but I felt myself pushing her away so I could tend to dd2. Dd1 was (and still is) very high needs. Dd2 -- very mellow. So in the beginning, it was rough trying to fill dd1's needs while taking care of dd2.<br><br>
Now, however, the girls are best friends. They play together every day for hours (we homeschool). It is SO much easier than just having one kid, since dd2 adores dd1, and dd1 now has someone other than myself to play with.
 

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It was WAY worse, and WAY harder than I ever could have imagined.<br><br>
BUT.....<br><br>
Neither of my kids were good sleepers. DS only started sleeping well when I was pg with DD, then I couldn't sleep because of being PG, then when she was born she would scream for hours in the night and wake up DS. So he was back to waking up at night too and I could very occasionally get them to nap at the same time, so I was horribly sleep deprived right from the beginning.<br><br>
DD is 9 months old now and still has slept a 5 hour stretch ONCE and a 6 hour stretch ONCE (although halfway through the 6 hour stretch, DS woke me up), and I got mono this year that is still flaring up 6 months later because I can't get enough sleep and I'm always run down.<br><br>
I know it would be 1000 times easier if I could get good, regular sleep. We do cosleep. If we didn't, I'd be on the psych ward. Serioulsy, this has been awful. I think I'm done. I can't run the risk of having a third baby who won't sleep.
 

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It's been way easier than I expected. One nice thing is I feel like the learning curve is different. Instead of sort of learning to be a parent and learning to have a newborn, you're just learning to mediated between siblings... you've already come into your own as being a parent and done the newborn thing already, so it isn't as scary, imo.
 

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i have to say some monments i really feel in a groove and liek i am ON as a mom <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> , then other times i feel like to total moron for haveing any kids -- like ther eis NO WAY I am waaaay to stupid / anxious / impatient / _______ [insert weakness] to be a mom <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/duck.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Duck">:.............. the thing is these two moments usally come within 5 minutes of each other <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
I thin k having 2 2 and under just adds to this -- i felt this way with just one ... just now there are more oppertunities to be proud of my self as a mom or to be unhappy with myself.<br><br>
SLEPP is the key -- but such is all parentiing. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
Aimee
 
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