My son was 2-1/2 when DD was born, so a fair bit older than yours will be....but we had a seamless transition as far as no visible jealousy, aggression problems, etc. etc. when DD was a newborn-infant-young toddler because DS was so easygoing and good natured. What I find interesting is that in the past 6 months (DS is 5, DD wil be 3 in June) I've had more problems with him aggressing towards her than I did when she was first born, or first started being mobile, or first started grabbing at his things as a young toddler, etc. Honestly, it's kind of driving me batty that this is coming out NOW, after they've been together for almost 3 years...
: But, I digress.
Some things were harder logistically (getting things together to go out; actually going out; trying to tend to one when the other needed me too), some things weren't bad at all (wearing DD while doing activities with DS; just generally hanging out together).
I think a lot will depend on the personality and needs of your second child. My firstborn was a super easy baby/toddler, and a more challenging preschooler. My second born was a very challenging baby/toddler, and is getting easier as she heads towards preschooler.
I think a few things we did right with the transition were:
- Never blamed me not being able to do things on the baby (like if he kicked me or something I wouldn't say, "don't hurt the baby", I'd say it hurt me; or if I could no longer pick him up/roughhouse with him I'd say it hurt my back, not say because of the baby)
- Never forced/guilted him into helping with the baby, or said anything about him being a good brother for helping out. It was all completely optional and if I asked for a favor and he said no, that was FINE. His helping had no relation to him being a "good brother" or "big helper" or anything, so there was no pressure, either direct or implied.
- Validated any negative feelings he had towards her, instead of admonishing him for them. Obviously we would say that he couldn't *act* on the feelings, but he was entitled to have them.
Mostly, we treated it matter of factly, prepared him for things that would be changing (like I would have to tend to baby sometimes and he would have to wait sometimes, but I'd also make the baby "wait" - when I knew she would be content for a few minutes, I'd announce to her that I was doing something with D for a few minutes and I'd be right with her, so it didn't seem like I was always just putting him off, KWIM?), but didn't overemphasize the "big sibling" aspect of it because we didn't want there to be any pressure to perform/responsibility unless *he* wanted to take it on. I think it worked out pretty well for us...until we hit the last 6 months, as I said above.
We also really just lucked out that he was an easygoing guy at that age, so I'm not going to break my arm patting myself on the back anymore.
Here are two of my favorite books that we read a lot to him starting about month 6 or 7. I loved them because there were no words, just beautiful pictures, so we made up our own story. They do involve a hospital, but I called the "doctor" the midwife, and tailored the crib being put together as "getting the bassinet ready" since we were all sleeping in the same room. There are a couple pages where mom is breastfeeding and dad is doing cooking/cleaning, and dad is wearing baby on one page, so it just really worked out well with our situation. Since you're planning a UC it could be trickier to use the "waiting for baby" book, but the "my new baby" book could still work. Here they are, anyway:
(My New Baby - not crazy about the title because it wasn't "his" baby, but loved the rest of the book)
(Waiting for baby - again, since you're UCing you'd have to modify this one a fair amount because grandparents come and parents leave the house, but you might be able to work it in somehow; I worked things around for pages that weren't quite what we were doing, or I'd say what the page showed and then explain what we were doing differently...it still worked out well IMO)
Enjoy your pregnancy!