[BroodyWoodsgal]

Hi mama lamas (and papas too!)....

So. We have our most precious, super sweet, kissy face baby girl...ten months old and sweet as a muffin top. We love her and enjoy parenting her SOOOOOO much. Now, we've got Gobbles the Turkey baby, due a bit before t-giving....and the more that I think about it, the more I wonder:

What will it be like, to go from parenting one, to parenting two?? So, I have a question for all of you who have been through that transition, or even thoughts from those of you who are in a similar place!

Tell me what no one told you about the transition from one baby, to two! What do you know now, that you wish you had known while you were waiting for number two to come!

TIA, ladies!

:

 

[Delicateflower]

Everyone raves on about how their children love each other to death. What they never share is how they also FIGHT, and how they can be mean to each other so casually. It tears me up inside.

I'm sure this will be different for you because yours will be so closely spaced, but the biggest change for our oldest was that before there were almost no discipline problems, except for safety I never had to enforce a rule because she'd go along with cleaning up, bedtime, whatever. But with a baby all of a sudden there are all these rules; you're not allowed to grab things from other people, you're not allowed to jump on the bed when someone else is too, you're not allowed to block other people from reaching things yada yada yada. And it's hard for me, too. With two, sometimes one of them is the villain tormenting your beloved child (and five minutes later it's vice versa). I hate feeling that way about either of my children.

 

[geiamama]

I have quite a large age-gap between my children - 6yrs - but I have to say the biggest thing for me was that my attention was split two ways. It sounds small but it can be quite exhausting. Also I found it really hard when DD was born and instead of bumming around in my pyjamas after a hard night like I did when DS was a newborn, I HAD to get up and take DS to school, I HAD to make packed lunches, I HAD to make dinner in the evenings.

But it's not all doom and gloom. As much as it is hard work and they do irritate each other sometimes, DS seems so much happier with DD around to share life with and DD just dotes on DS.

 

[BroodyWoodsgal]

Yeah...mind will be 18 mos apart...I am thinking that whether our Gobbles is a boy or girl could effect how things go...but our baby girl is a very very sweet girl and very laid back, has been since the vrey night she was born. So, I'm hoping that her just being the type of kid she is, we can avoid too too many bad bumps in the road as she learns to share me...though, the sharing me part is what is really eating me up about all of this. I hate that she will have to learn to share me as much as I hate thinking that my nb won't have me all to him/herself for that nb stage, you know? I have a feeling Avery will be a good big sister...her two doggies, Molly and Shelby, are her pack...they are together ALWAYS. Wherever Avery is, the doggies are laying right there. She moves, they move. They follow me around when she's in the wrap just looking at her and she just points to them and points to them saying "um uh ughh uhhg" - so....she seems to like play mates. I know a baby is different...but I'm hoping once nb is past the tiny baby phase and is sitting, etc...she will love to be around the bub.

Does anybody have an experience with having two under two? As Avery is just hitting the early phases of becoming a toddler, I am kind of like "hmmmmm, sooooo two undre two huh? What in the heck is THAT goin to be like?". Avery pretty much lives in a wrap and has been really low key because of it, she is cool as long as she can watch what I'm doing. I'm thinking, if my nb is in the wrap, just watching what I am doing, my hands will be somewhat free for playing with and wrangling my busy toddler! Am I crazy??

 

[RunAround]

Splitting attention was and continues to be heart wrenching. Mine are 22 months apart. Yes, they play together now, but they are just as likely to be rotten to each other. We joke that having our kids close together was good for them, bad for us. We look back and wonder what on earth we were thinking to have 2 babies in the house? (My oldest seemed so big until his brother approached 2 and we were all, like, whoa.)

With just 1 child, they can bask in the attention of both parents, or they can clock quality time with one of their parents while the other parent gets a break. Now that I have 2 at home, there is No More Me Time At All. The only time I get time alone, I'm doing something for the family like shopping or cleaning. Frankly, I've gotten used to it (because, uh, the alternative wasn't attractive), but I do feel like a person stretched in 80 directions at a time. My oldest wasn't helpful like some older siblings because he was so young, and he still very much needed my focused attention.

Being a mom the second time is the real thing.

What worked with the first kid is not guaranteed to work the second time around. You will be forced to find creativity, patience, and inner peace from the air sometimes. You might be stunned how much you love your second child, and stunned by your rage when they hurt each other.

The bottom line is that your time for thinking about it has passed.

You are here. What happens will happen. FWIW, it's hard, but try not to fret about it. Enjoy the ease of parenting 1 child while that is still your reality and try hard to enjoy this pregnancy. Because, if you're like us, having 2 close in age will cure you of that baby longing for good! We wanted 3, but...we're still scarred. I adore our kids and we wouldn't trade them for anything, but parenting 2 was definitely a bigger adjustment for us. That said, the worry about what will happen just steals away from today's joy. Take comfort in knowing that many mothers have survived what you are going through. I found that parenting 2 made me a much better human, and that alone is worth the hard work. Most of the time.

 

[NicaG]

I couldn't imagine how I was going to transition to 2. But you just do it, and it all works out. Having more than 1 forces you to be a little more organized, but in a good way. I like watching my kids interact, but it is hard to not be able to give ds my undivided attention like I used to. I think it's important to make time for some one-on-one time with your older child occasionally--I'm trying to be better about this. Good luck--you'll do great!

 

[StrawberryFields]

My ds had just turned 2 when dd arrived. The number one thing that I can say about going from one to two is that there isn't necessarily ALWAYS going to be fighting and sibling rivalry! Everyone told me I would have my hands full, ds would experience potty training regression, etc. etc. And in reality it was a very easy transition and ds never regressed. Yes, it is possible that things can change as they get older but dd is 15 months old now and so far I have not witnessed a single act of jealousy or rivalry between them.

My ds is really loving and sweet and he was very excited through our pregnancy. I gave him a lot of possession of the baby, calling it "his" baby and stuff, he was very excited to meet "his" baby and to take care of her. I still call her "his baby" or "our baby." I never said no when he asked to hold her and I was very very careful never to blame anything on her. I'd say, "oh sorry honey I can't help you right now because I have to (insert something here) but I will be there as soon as I can" rather than "I can't play with you right now because the baby is sleeping/eating/diaper change/whatever." Whenever I was nursing or something I would be checking my email or reading something online so it was easy to blame it on "paying the bills really quick" rather than "feeding the baby" kwim?

I don't know if any of the above helped with the fact that we didn't have any jealousy but it probably didn't hurt either. Ds is pushing me to have another baby now LOL because he says he wants TWO Charlottes to play with!! LOL!!

 

[PluggingAway]

I think that Strawberryfields has a lot of great advice. Our transition from one to two kiddos was suprizingly easy. We did hit a bump in the road those first few weeks concerning the dynamics between dh and ds1. It blind sided me because dh is an awesome Dad. Our toddler looked so big to us after ds2 was born. Dh was exhausted (chronic illness) and was "hard" on ds1. The tension in their relationship was short lived, thank goodness.

Congratulations on your growing family!

 

[The4OfUs]

My son was 2-1/2 when DD was born, so a fair bit older than yours will be....but we had a seamless transition as far as no visible jealousy, aggression problems, etc. etc. when DD was a newborn-infant-young toddler because DS was so easygoing and good natured. What I find interesting is that in the past 6 months (DS is 5, DD wil be 3 in June) I've had more problems with him aggressing towards her than I did when she was first born, or first started being mobile, or first started grabbing at his things as a young toddler, etc. Honestly, it's kind of driving me batty that this is coming out NOW, after they've been together for almost 3 years...

: But, I digress.

......

Some things were harder logistically (getting things together to go out; actually going out; trying to tend to one when the other needed me too), some things weren't bad at all (wearing DD while doing activities with DS; just generally hanging out together).

I think a lot will depend on the personality and needs of your second child. My firstborn was a super easy baby/toddler, and a more challenging preschooler. My second born was a very challenging baby/toddler, and is getting easier as she heads towards preschooler.

I think a few things we did right with the transition were:
- Never blamed me not being able to do things on the baby (like if he kicked me or something I wouldn't say, "don't hurt the baby", I'd say it hurt me; or if I could no longer pick him up/roughhouse with him I'd say it hurt my back, not say because of the baby)
- Never forced/guilted him into helping with the baby, or said anything about him being a good brother for helping out. It was all completely optional and if I asked for a favor and he said no, that was FINE. His helping had no relation to him being a "good brother" or "big helper" or anything, so there was no pressure, either direct or implied.
- Validated any negative feelings he had towards her, instead of admonishing him for them. Obviously we would say that he couldn't *act* on the feelings, but he was entitled to have them.

Mostly, we treated it matter of factly, prepared him for things that would be changing (like I would have to tend to baby sometimes and he would have to wait sometimes, but I'd also make the baby "wait" - when I knew she would be content for a few minutes, I'd announce to her that I was doing something with D for a few minutes and I'd be right with her, so it didn't seem like I was always just putting him off, KWIM?), but didn't overemphasize the "big sibling" aspect of it because we didn't want there to be any pressure to perform/responsibility unless *he* wanted to take it on. I think it worked out pretty well for us...until we hit the last 6 months, as I said above.

We also really just lucked out that he was an easygoing guy at that age, so I'm not going to break my arm patting myself on the back anymore.

.

Here are two of my favorite books that we read a lot to him starting about month 6 or 7. I loved them because there were no words, just beautiful pictures, so we made up our own story. They do involve a hospital, but I called the "doctor" the midwife, and tailored the crib being put together as "getting the bassinet ready" since we were all sleeping in the same room. There are a couple pages where mom is breastfeeding and dad is doing cooking/cleaning, and dad is wearing baby on one page, so it just really worked out well with our situation. Since you're planning a UC it could be trickier to use the "waiting for baby" book, but the "my new baby" book could still work. Here they are, anyway:

http://www.amazon.com/My-New-Baby/dp...9237710&sr=1-1 (My New Baby - not crazy about the title because it wasn't "his" baby, but loved the rest of the book)

http://www.amazon.com/Waiting-Baby-N...d_bxgy_b_img_b (Waiting for baby - again, since you're UCing you'd have to modify this one a fair amount because grandparents come and parents leave the house, but you might be able to work it in somehow; I worked things around for pages that weren't quite what we were doing, or I'd say what the page showed and then explain what we were doing differently...it still worked out well IMO)

Enjoy your pregnancy!

 

[Liquesce]

Quote:

Originally Posted by AverysMomma Does anybody have an experience with having two under two? As Avery is just hitting the early phases of becoming a toddler, I am kind of like "hmmmmm, sooooo two undre two huh? What in the heck is THAT goin to be like?". Avery pretty much lives in a wrap and has been really low key because of it, she is cool as long as she can watch what I'm doing. I'm thinking, if my nb is in the wrap, just watching what I am doing, my hands will be somewhat free for playing with and wrangling my busy toddler! Am I crazy??

You're not crazy.

It actually works really well that way.

My kids both admittedly "get away" with more than they would as an only, i.e., they get into more because I'm just flat out occupied with the other, but *mostly* two close in age works out beautifully. Before my daughter was mobile it was an absolute cakewalk.

I can't say it's simple -- when only one of my kids is awake at a time I'm always struck by just how EASY one is -- but it has its own benefits and rewards. My son pretty quickly forgot ever being alone ... no new baby transition drama. Heck, I pretty quickly forgot his ever being alone. My daughter thinks her brother is the most fun, funniest thing on the face of the earth ... and you've never seen cute until you've seen a not-yet-two year old child making faces or whatever for a little baby who is just sitting there cracking up. And even so young I can already watch them figuring things out together and cooperating ... ok, usually cooperating with things they shouldn't be doing in the first place, but it's probably going to be like that for a loooooong time, so I might as well enjoy it while it's still more sweet than maddening.

 

[RunAround]

I've been feeling badly, like my post was too much of a bummer. Honestly, I think a lot of how the transition from 1 to 2 goes depends on the kids you receive. If your daughter is sweet as a muffin top (that tickles me!), you might have a good experience. My oldest son is incredibly intense and high needs and my younger son is rather spunky. My youngest would pick a fight with a chair. My boys love each other fiercely, but fight like wild animals. By the time we finally get them both down for the night, I'm jelly.

Anyway, the important thing is to roll with it and maintain an open heart and mind, which it sounds like you're already doing!

 

[purplemoon]

Mother of two under two here.

I had many friends with the same age gap that thought it was very hard. I did not. Here is why. I was already in baby mode. The house was child proof. I was used to demands being constant, I was used to being very needed, adding another one didn't change that. Here is what I didn't know.

1. When both need you desperately at the same time, it will be very hard at first. My son got very sick when the newborn was hungry in the middle of the night (my dh is gone often). I first chose to see how sick my oldest was (his temp), then fed the baby while comforting my child. Instances like that will happen and it is hard as a mom who was so used to being there in an instant. Good thing is both my children now can wait a little!

2. There is less time for you. You will look back and say, gosh, I used to be able to relax! There will be a couple of chaotic years with rest far between. When you see a moment, use it for you!

3. They will adore each other eventually. Sometimes there are issues when the babe is first home. But yes, they will be best friends. BUT, they will also be each others enemies. No reason, just hugging then fighting. I know when they are laughing really hard that I have about one minute before the fighting happens. Still, they can't sleep apart (the oldest wanted to sleep with his brother) and miss each other like crazy.

4. My oldest was soooo good until his brother came along. His biggest issues are fighting with his brother. If the two didn't fight, life would be easier. So even in the best scenarios discipline will go up.

5. Conversely, they entertain each other a lot now that they are a bit older (3.5 and 2). That is good sometimes.

6. Sometimes it isn't good. Sometimes two minds are better than one when it comes to mayhem is very true. They get into a lot of things they shouldn't and egg each other on.

7. Getting into the car, the store, mom's house, to the park, is tough at first. It just takes some getting used to.

8. I wouldn't trade it for the world!

 

[BroodyWoodsgal]

Quote:

Originally Posted by RunAround Splitting attention was and continues to be heart wrenching. Mine are 22 months apart. Yes, they play together now, but they are just as likely to be rotten to each other. We joke that having our kids close together was good for them, bad for us. We look back and wonder what on earth we were thinking to have 2 babies in the house? (My oldest seemed so big until his brother approached 2 and we were all, like, whoa.) With just 1 child, they can bask in the attention of both parents, or they can clock quality time with one of their parents while the other parent gets a break. Now that I have 2 at home, there is No More Me Time At All. The only time I get time alone, I'm doing something for the family like shopping or cleaning. Frankly, I've gotten used to it (because, uh, the alternative wasn't attractive), but I do feel like a person stretched in 80 directions at a time. My oldest wasn't helpful like some older siblings because he was so young, and he still very much needed my focused attention. Being a mom the second time is the real thing. What worked with the first kid is not guaranteed to work the second time around. You will be forced to find creativity, patience, and inner peace from the air sometimes. You might be stunned how much you love your second child, and stunned by your rage when they hurt each other. The bottom line is that your time for thinking about it has passed. You are here. What happens will happen. FWIW, it's hard, but try not to fret about it. Enjoy the ease of parenting 1 child while that is still your reality and try hard to enjoy this pregnancy. Because, if you're like us, having 2 close in age will cure you of that baby longing for good! We wanted 3, but...we're still scarred. I adore our kids and we wouldn't trade them for anything, but parenting 2 was definitely a bigger adjustment for us. That said, the worry about what will happen just steals away from today's joy. Take comfort in knowing that many mothers have survived what you are going through. I found that parenting 2 made me a much better human, and that alone is worth the hard work. Most of the time.

Bolded =

You are so funny! Thanks for giving me some of the hard parts...yes, I am trying my hardest to soak up EVERY moment with my LO while she is still our only one. We are so close and spend ALL of our time together...I will miss her, being with just her. Sometimes I try to imagine what it will be like...like when I'm laying in bed with her, holding her as she falls asleep for a nap...sometimes I lay with her for so long, 45 or an hour...just rubbing her little head or face, looking into her eyes, she touches my face and gets sleepy...it's so nice to be able to give her all of my time, I imagine what it will be like when there is another child there who needs me. Will I be able to give attention like that to DD?? I don't know. Probably not as often.

Thank you for your words and experience!

 

[BroodyWoodsgal]

Quote:

Originally Posted by NicaG I couldn't imagine how I was going to transition to 2. But you just do it, and it all works out. Having more than 1 forces you to be a little more organized, but in a good way. I like watching my kids interact, but it is hard to not be able to give ds my undivided attention like I used to. I think it's important to make time for some one-on-one time with your older child occasionally--I'm trying to be better about this. Good luck--you'll do great!

Thank you...yes, that is the thing I'm really thinking about right now, making sure she still gets time alone with us. DD and her Dada are so close...I love watching DH play with her. I know they will be even closer after the baby comes because he will most likely care for her more, especially in the beginning when the nb needs so much of my time. I just don't want DD to feel brushed aside.

I feel like I can already tell that my wrap is goin to save my life! I thought it's been a life saver with DD....but when I have a nb and can strap the babe to me while I chase DD, I'm really going to love it I think!

 

[BroodyWoodsgal]

Quote:

Originally Posted by StrawberryFields My ds had just turned 2 when dd arrived. The number one thing that I can say about going from one to two is that there isn't necessarily ALWAYS going to be fighting and sibling rivalry! Everyone told me I would have my hands full, ds would experience potty training regression, etc. etc. And in reality it was a very easy transition and ds never regressed. Yes, it is possible that things can change as they get older but dd is 15 months old now and so far I have not witnessed a single act of jealousy or rivalry between them. My ds is really loving and sweet and he was very excited through our pregnancy. I gave him a lot of possession of the baby, calling it "his" baby and stuff, he was very excited to meet "his" baby and to take care of her. I still call her "his baby" or "our baby." I never said no when he asked to hold her and I was very very careful never to blame anything on her. I'd say, "oh sorry honey I can't help you right now because I have to (insert something here) but I will be there as soon as I can" rather than "I can't play with you right now because the baby is sleeping/eating/diaper change/whatever." Whenever I was nursing or something I would be checking my email or reading something online so it was easy to blame it on "paying the bills really quick" rather than "feeding the baby" kwim? I don't know if any of the above helped with the fact that we didn't have any jealousy but it probably didn't hurt either. Ds is pushing me to have another baby now LOL because he says he wants TWO Charlottes to play with!! LOL!!

LOL, I love that he is pushing you to have another...what a sweetie!!!

Yeah, I'm not anticipating having a crazy tough transition....if DD had been born an very high needs child...we would have prevented like crazy so we could give her our all for as long as she needed it....but not only is this kid not high needs...she is the most laid back, low key, enjoyable kid I've ever known. She didn't even cry until she was about two weeks old...when she wakes up from a nap, I don't know it because I hear her crying...I know it, because I hear giggling and little baby songs. She's just a peach. I was that kind of kid, too, I don't know if that has anything to do with it.

She loves everyone, is suspicious of few....she's very observant and as long as she can see what's going on is happy happy. She LOVES other kids and especialyl babies. She stares at them with wide eyes and makes that little baby gasping sound..."oohhhgghhhh". It's so cute. She spends a lot of time around little kids and babies these days and has had nothing but positive experiences...so I'm really hoping that she will turn out to be the kind of sibling your DS is. I think it will depend a lot on how #2 turns out, personality wise. I'm just praying to the universe that Gobbles will be as laid back, sweet and happy as DD....if this baby is half as easy as DD, everything will be awesome. We kind of feel "ready" for a high needs babe, because we feel like we've had it so easy....DD has been, honestly, a complete joy...so we feel like if #2 is really hard....and you put the DD1 and #2 baby experience together and average it out, it will all be even stevens....does that sound crazy?

Anyway. Yeah....we can't wait. Thank you for your positive story!!

:

 

[BroodyWoodsgal]

Quote:

Originally Posted by PluggingAway I think that Strawberryfields has a lot of great advice. Our transition from one to two kiddos was suprizingly easy. We did hit a bump in the road those first few weeks concerning the dynamics between dh and ds1. It blind sided me because dh is an awesome Dad. Our toddler looked so big to us after ds2 was born. Dh was exhausted (chronic illness) and was "hard" on ds1. The tension in their relationship was short lived, thank goodness. Congratulations on your growing family!

Thank you for your words...DH spends so much of his time at home with DD...it's nice. He comes home and plays with her while I cook dinner and then before bed they rest together and "talk"...I know I'll need him a lot more, but I feel relaxed in that knowledge because DD and DH already spend so much awesome time together....I'm hoping that this transition won't be too hard on DH...he works so hard for us and is tired, like you mentioned your DH gets....my DH is not sick (I'm so sorry your DH has to cope with illness

) but his body is tired ALL the time from his hard work...so I know he is going to take two weeks off, like he did following DDs birth...and I hope that allows for a super smooth transition.

s thank you!

 

[BroodyWoodsgal]

The4ofUS: Thank you SO much for those tips....a couple of them I really hadn't thought of.

I am a big sister, oldest of four kids and a few step kids....I love being the biggest sister, I take pride in caring for the needs of my smaller ones. BUT I took on more responsibility as a kid for my siblings than any kid should have to. It hadn't occurred to me until I read your post....but I think I have to really examine what a sibling relationship SHOULD be, so I can make sure that I don't put that pressure on my DD. My siblings still come to me for the type of advice they should go to our mother for...but she was absent a lot growing up (depression, etc, months on end in bed, not a lot of talking) and I'm sort of a natural leader type...so, it all worked out, but I want my babies to be able to be themselves. I want them to be close...I LOVE how close I am to my siblings...but I want them to be individuals, too. I hadn't even thought of how I was going to prevent too much pressure from falling on DD. Obviously, I am not an absent parent....but I surely would have put a lot of emphasis on "Oooh, you're such a good big sister!" and "Why don't you xyz...you've got to be a good big sister" ....just because being an excellent big sister is such a source of pride for me, but I remember now that as a child, it was a lot of pressure.

Thank you for sparking that thought in me....I will check out that reading material...thank you thank you!!

 

[BroodyWoodsgal]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Liquesce You're not crazy. It actually works really well that way. My kids both admittedly "get away" with more than they would as an only, i.e., they get into more because I'm just flat out occupied with the other, but *mostly* two close in age works out beautifully. Before my daughter was mobile it was an absolute cakewalk. I can't say it's simple -- when only one of my kids is awake at a time I'm always struck by just how EASY one is -- but it has its own benefits and rewards. My son pretty quickly forgot ever being alone ... no new baby transition drama. Heck, I pretty quickly forgot his ever being alone. My daughter thinks her brother is the most fun, funniest thing on the face of the earth ... and you've never seen cute until you've seen a not-yet-two year old child making faces or whatever for a little baby who is just sitting there cracking up. And even so young I can already watch them figuring things out together and cooperating ... ok, usually cooperating with things they shouldn't be doing in the first place, but it's probably going to be like that for a loooooong time, so I might as well enjoy it while it's still more sweet than maddening.

Yeah...you know, we are great lovers of mischeif around here!! My DH is always up to something...he is usually getting the dogs in on it, and now that DD thinks it's HILARIOUS when Dada tricks Mama, they will ALL (DH, doggies, DD) hide in a close to jump out at me, or something like that. They think it's so funny and DD will die laughing at me!! SO....DH is very keen on the idea of growing his minion base....!

I'm thinking that it's a blessing that #2 will be coming in winter time, so that we can be stuffed up inside while s/he is too small to really be out and around anyway...then as the weather starts getting nicer....#2 will be old enough that outside is a fun and enjoyable place to be...so maybe that will help things and keep the mischief factor low? I don't know...DD is such a love. She was strapped to me for most of the time in the last year...so, as she is getting more and mroe mobile, she just kind of naturally wants to hang around me, I don't know...that will probably change as she is walking, but I'm hoping that with #2 I can achieve the same thing....wearing him/her all year and then having two kids who like to play next to me. Maybe that is a crazy dream...but hey, reality doesn't have to hit until November!!

Thank you for you post!

 

[BroodyWoodsgal]

Quote:

Originally Posted by purplemoon Mother of two under two here. I had many friends with the same age gap that thought it was very hard. I did not. Here is why. I was already in baby mode. The house was child proof. I was used to demands being constant, I was used to being very needed, adding another one didn't change that. Here is what I didn't know. 1. When both need you desperately at the same time, it will be very hard at first. My son got very sick when the newborn was hungry in the middle of the night (my dh is gone often). I first chose to see how sick my oldest was (his temp), then fed the baby while comforting my child. Instances like that will happen and it is hard as a mom who was so used to being there in an instant. Good thing is both my children now can wait a little! 2. There is less time for you. You will look back and say, gosh, I used to be able to relax! There will be a couple of chaotic years with rest far between. When you see a moment, use it for you! 3. They will adore each other eventually. Sometimes there are issues when the babe is first home. But yes, they will be best friends. BUT, they will also be each others enemies. No reason, just hugging then fighting. I know when they are laughing really hard that I have about one minute before the fighting happens. Still, they can't sleep apart (the oldest wanted to sleep with his brother) and miss each other like crazy. 4. My oldest was soooo good until his brother came along. His biggest issues are fighting with his brother. If the two didn't fight, life would be easier. So even in the best scenarios discipline will go up. 5. Conversely, they entertain each other a lot now that they are a bit older (3.5 and 2). That is good sometimes. 6. Sometimes it isn't good. Sometimes two minds are better than one when it comes to mayhem is very true. They get into a lot of things they shouldn't and egg each other on. 7. Getting into the car, the store, mom's house, to the park, is tough at first. It just takes some getting used to. 8. I wouldn't trade it for the world!

Yes yes. That is the reason I pushed DH so hard to ttc a bit sooner than he though we would. (he wanted to ttc #2 when DD was five....I jut about laughed him out of town, I was like, "You think I'm going to go FIVE YEARS, get back in shape, have a five year old...and then go back into baby mode??? HAHAHAHAHAH!!

) We are already in baby mode! As DD wanted to be down more, playing, etc, and DH understodd what it really ment to have a baby proof house,etc....he saw the wisdom in consolidating this baby time. I want to sleep like crap, have popp on my fingers and vomit in my hair....for the next three years. Then, I want to give the baby junk to the next in line in our family and wash my hands of it! I LOVE babies....but I ADORE toddlers. I love that toddling, I wanna see the whole world! toddler stage. I was thinking about having a three year old who wants to go see ducks, go to the aquarium, etc....and having a nb at the same time, and I really didn;t like that for us. I want to have a 1.5y and nb....then a 2.5 and 1 year old....then a 3.5 and 2 year old...and so on.

These two will be our only two. That wasn't always the plan...but in the last few years, has become the best plan for us. I want them to be close...I hope it doesn't blow up in my face somehow...but I really don't think it will. I am used to 24/7 baby land right now. I have a DH who could care less if the dished are done so long as the baby is happy and I've had a chance to rest and have fed myself...(though, it drives me CRAZY to have a messy house!). We are very pack oriented people, we've never really been nightlife types, or had a huge social circle...we like each other. We do everything together...so, our lifestyle is great for kids because we're cool with 24/7 baby land. I think our lifestyle supports two young kids....and I can't WAIT for a couple of years down the line...when they are both bigger kids and ready to see the word. What fun...WHAT FUN!

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[The4OfUs]

Quote:

Originally Posted by AverysMomma but I surely would have put a lot of emphasis on "Oooh, you're such a good big sister!" and "Why don't you xyz...you've got to be a good big sister" ....just because being an excellent big sister is such a source of pride for me, but I remember now that as a child, it was a lot of pressure. Thank you for sparking that thought in me....I will check out that reading material...thank you thank you!!

you're totally welcome. It is SO easy to fall into the good sibling = helpful, loving sibling thing, because it seems so natural that helpful = loving = good, that I found myself doing it sometimes too - but it goes along with my not overpraising for anything, that I didn't want him feeling like when he *didn't* feel like helping or he *didn't* want his siter around, or he *didn't* like her very much for whatever reason, that that meant that he was a "bad" brother or person because we overpraised him for when he was "good". It was also hard to validate the negative feelings, because you have the mama bear for the newborn battling against the mama of the older sib - that was a tricky one for me, at least.

But then, I'm known to be kind of a freak about stuff like that, so.....