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I just don't know what to do anymore, my husband & I have become totally disconnected since I've become pregnant. We don't have sex, he barely wants to kiss me or tell me he loves me. He seems revolted at the fact I've gained 16lbs and have a belly on me. He told me yesterday that I am getting rotund. Now it used to be I'd have to always keep my clothes on or he'd be all over me, now I can be running around the house all day stark naked and he won't say a word or do anything. It's getting to the point where it is emotionally killing me. I've talked to him several times, he assures me of this & that, we'll have sex a couple times and then it all just goes back to the way it was. He seems outwardly & tells everyone that he is soooo excited about the baby, but the changes in me that come with it seem to revolt him. I don't know what to do. My ex was not at all like this.
 

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{{{Big Hugs}}}<br><br>
Have you sat down with him (when you have plenty of alone time) and calmy expressed how you feel? Does he just blow you off? Would it help you (or him) if you wrote out your feelings and showed it to him?<br><br>
You could also consider going and talking to a counselor/therpaist or (if you are religous) your clergy person.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>BaMo</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15441417"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">{{{Big Hugs}}}<br><br>
Have you sat down with him (when you have plenty of alone time) and calmy expressed how you feel? Does he just blow you off? Would it help you (or him) if you wrote out your feelings and showed it to him?<br><br>
You could also consider going and talking to a counselor/therpaist or (if you are religous) your clergy person.</div>
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This is great advice, I have no more to add.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"><br>
so sorry, that would be hard to deal with without all these crazy preggo hormones. Hope you are able to get back in sync soon.
 

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My dh was the same way with our first. He was not interested in sex. Only much, much later did I discover he was scared of hurting the baby and also just fairly terrified of becoming a father and how he would be at it. It wasn't about me, at all. Maybe your dh is going through something similar?
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>honeybee</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15441680"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">My dh was the same way with our first. He was not interested in sex. Only much, much later did I discover he was scared of hurting the baby and also just fairly terrified of becoming a father and how he would be at it. It wasn't about me, at all. Maybe your dh is going through something similar?</div>
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I think it is fairly common for men to go through some weird emotional stuff with pregnancy. And most of the time if they are even able to recognize their own feelings they aren't able to express them. But that doesn't mean that it doesn't still hurt you and impact how you feel about yourself and the pregnancy.<br><br>
I think it might be helpful to sit down and talk it out as others have suggested. Or find a way that you can both openly share what you are feeling.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> x 100
 

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I agree with the comments about his possible fears of hurting the baby or maybe he is simply weirded out by being intimate with this child inside of you. You mentioned that your ex was not this way while you were pregnant, so is this your current husband's first child? This could also explain his hesitancy with you. Further, your changing body is not attached to anything he can feel right now, as the baby is fluttering inside of you but doubtfully not available yet for his touch. That means that your changing form (and attached emotions) is this abstract concept. Also, there was a recent report about postpartum disorder in men, so I imagine prenatal depression for them is just as common. I know I feel less intimate when I am depressed. None of this is meant to excuse him or to blame you but only to understand the situation.<br><br>
I know that you are hurting, and we are all so emotional right now, too, so let me offer hugs to you. I hope you can have a good conversation with your spouse soon! Good luck!
 

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Discussion Starter #8
I have talked with him several times, like I said things will get better for a few days then just back to the way they were. I think it is a combination of him being wierded out that I have a child inside me and that I have gotten a bit fatter & we can't do all the sexual stuff we used to.
 

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Sorry BirthNut, that has to be really hard. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
My x husband was like that when I was pregnant - he was totally wierded out by having sex with me with our baby there too. So I totally understand how bad it makes you feel. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
I think all you can do is keep the lines of communication open and maybe find some new ways to be intimate? Can't say too much without violating the UA .. but there are still lots of intimate things you can do together sexually that can help you feel connected.<br><br>
I also agree that men go through so many emotions, esp when it's their first child. My dh and I were just talking about this on Saturday. He has adopted ds, but this is his first biological child, and he's a bit freaked out. He was saying sometimes it seems so abstract too - he can't feel the baby, and sometimes it does not feel real to him.<br><br>
Sorry you are having to deal with this on top of preggo hormones. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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<p>jj</p>
 
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