Good answer for concerned boyfriend

597 Views 8 Replies 7 Participants Last post by Marvelleaux, Mar 8, 2007

beatee

Discussion Starter · Mar 6, 2007

I'm due with my first in mid May, and am dead set on home birth unless something goes horribly wrong in the meantime. I hate hospitals and am fully convinced by everything I've read about the benefits of homebirth. My MW has given me the go ahead (I'm in the UK, so things are a little different and MWs are definitely part of 'the medical institution', so I was really relieved at how easily she accepted it, I didn't have to fight at all which was a real weight off my mind.)
My boyfriend has been really supportive, he believes 100% that everything is my choice and he will support me. But this doesn't stop him from worrying. He was really OK with everything until speaking to a colleague of his, who casually mentioned after he said we were planning on delivering at home that her baby would have died if it wasn't born in hospital. Obviously, I don't know the facts, but I think just hearing it put doubts in his mind that weren't there before.
I've tried hard to reassure him, given lots of statistics etc, told him that the midwives come fully equipped to deal with huge varieties of situations, and that we are within 5 minutes of the hospital. But when he asks what would happen if the baby needed critical treatment within minutes or seconds, I'm not really sure what to say. Are there any situations where this is truly the case? Baby/mother needs intervention that can only be performed by a doctor/with hospital equipment, and needs it in a matter of minutes? Am I right in thinking midwives carry resuscitation equipment and oxygen in case they are needed (in the UK that is)? I was kind ofstumped at how to reply to this, and it got me thinking too. Obviously it's incredibly unlikely, but the what if is always there.
I know that he wants me to have a good birth experience, and he does understand that I hate hospitals, but his primary concern is having a healthy baby at he end of it (as is mine), and I think he worries that my fear of hospitals (it really has reached quite irrational levels, which is difficult for him to understand as he works in one as a ward housekeeper) is leading me to disregard our baby's safety. I was hospitalised early on in this pregnancy with a threatened miscarriage,and it has increased both of our anxiety levels hugely.
Any solid, fact/experience based answers to the 'what if baby needs hospital treatment immediately or would not survive' question?

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Full Heart

· #2 · Mar 6, 2007

Quote:

Am I right in thinking midwives carry resuscitation equipment and oxygen in case they are needed (in the UK that is)?

I have no idea since I am in the US, but that is def something to ask your mw about. I suggest taking him with you to an apt and let him ask the questions.

Here the mws do carry oxygen and are trained in neonatal ressucitation. I have heard the line, "My baby/ I would have died if we weren't in a hospital." While I am sure there are some cases this is true, almost always its what they did in the hospital to begin with that caused the problem. Alot of times too people feel they need to justify any interventions they had. Or they just don't understand how birth works and don't realize what happened could have been perfectly normal and not really anything to worry about (like cord around the neck or meconium). With out knowing specifics it would be impossible to say what happened with his colleague.

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Lady Lilya

· #3 · Mar 7, 2007

Hospital's can't necessarily move very fast in an emergency either.

The chance of something going wrong at home that could have been prevented if you were in a hospital is very small. The chance of something going wrong at the hospital that could have been prevented if you were home is very large.

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beckyand3littlemonsters

· #4 · Mar 7, 2007

Quote:

Am I right in thinking midwives carry resuscitation equipment and oxygen in case they are needed (in the UK that is)?

yes they do

Quote:

He was really OK with everything until speaking to a colleague of his, who casually mentioned after he said we were planning on delivering at home that her baby would have died if it wasn't born in hospital.

without knowing the facts i can't really comment this could be but how many unecassery intervention did she have?

Quote:

But when he asks what would happen if the baby needed critical treatment within minutes or seconds, I'm not really sure what to say. Are there any situations where this is truly the case?

Don't know but from what i've read wether you were at home or hospital it takes about 30 mins to get theatre ready for an emergency c-section should it be needed there is no reason imo they couldn't do that whille you were on your way there. also usually any problems other than slight breatheing problems (which you would have oxygen at home for) would be picked up in plenty of time to get to hospital anyway, if not before you even go into labour if there was something wrong

I can't really say anything about the what if's but at home these are less likey to occur because you won't be haveing unessery interventions or epidural, you you will be free to labour and birth in whatever position you feel most comfortable in.
i've had all my lo's at home and they were all ok
soz to be nosey, where abouts in leeds are you from?

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CarolynnMarilynn

· #5 · Mar 7, 2007

There are also women and babies who have died from *being* in the hospital, due to medical malpractice, poor infection control, and super infections etc. There are lots of research papers that have studied the issue and the consensus is an overwhelming, "home birth is safe", as safe, if not safer than the hospital for low-risk healthy women.

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velcromom

· #6 · Mar 7, 2007

Have him come with you to a midwife appointment and ask her those questions. Once he sees the level of professionalism and care available, it will ease his mind a lot.

Also there is a page all about "But What If...?" at this homebirth site:

http://www.homebirth.org.uk/ the link to it is in the third paragraph of the main page.

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beatee

Discussion Starter · #7 · Mar 7, 2007

Thanks, these were the same sort of things I was thinking (and telling him), but I just wanted to see if anyone had something to add. I'm kind of reluctant to bring him to a midwives appointment, because midwives aren't overly pro-homebirth here (NHS midwives that is, and there's no way we could afford an independent midwife), and although my MW has been alright with my plans, I don't think she'd be the most reasssuring person for him to talk to! I have given him the book 'Homebirth' by Nicky Wesson (I think), to read, which is a really good book IMO, and hopefully seeing things written down will help him.
I also have no idea about the circumstances his colleague was referring to, probably never will, and I don't think he really felt in a position to start questioning her, he just took it to heart a bit too much.
becky, I'm in Woodhouse (just near the uni, I'm a dirty student!), whereabouts are you?!

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beckyand3littlemonsters

· #8 · Mar 8, 2007

Quote:

Originally Posted by beatee

becky, I'm in Woodhouse (just near the uni, I'm a dirty student!), whereabouts are you?!

I'm in seacroft

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Marvelleaux

· #9 · Mar 8, 2007

Tell him that you're sorry he's getting these kind of comments from co-workers, that you get them too, and they usually come from people who put 100% trust in a person who's name is preceded by Dr. Individuals who give a great deal of thought and research to their medical care can usually muster a little more tact when broaching senstive topics such as "my wife and baby would have died..." People who are not well informed before making their choices will generally start off by telling you their scary story, because to the uninformed, birth of anykind will be a scary experience.

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