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Do you punish for bad grades? Do you pay for good grades? I do sometimes punish for bad grades, though not that often. If I do, It's for low grades and it depends on the kid. Most of my kids are very smart and are A and B students. My 5 yr old doesn't have letter grades yet, but he will in the up-coming school year. My 9 year old is an A, B, and C student though, so I generally let him off with a C. If he gets 1-2 Ds, then he's grounded for 3 days. 3-4, 6 days 5 or more, 8 days. My 11 year old son is an A student with the occasional B. Because he's so smart, my husband and I go rather "tough" on him and he has no objections, because he always tries and gets the grades he deserves. My 11 year old daughter is quite different in the fact that she gets straight As but she's faking her intelligence (ie pretending to be stupid or not as smart as she is). We go somewhat tough on her though we've stopped kind of and we're letting her go through her phase, though we're probably going to go back to going tough on her, if not going tougher. My oldest child age (about) 13 is a B/C student and As in a few certian classes (Math, music class, & phys ed). She does not get punished for Cs but she does for Ds. One day of grounding for each D. For Fs, she gets 2 days of grounding per F and every 3 results in 4 days. What do you do about grades?
 

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No, I do not punish for bad grades. I have taught my children that as long as you can honestly say you put forth your best effort then you have succeeded. I believe that grades measure how well you take a test. I was a lousy test taker but I knew the material. If I thought my child was simply not bothering to put forth any effort I really do not know what I would I do. I do not pay for good grades, either. It is expected that you will do your best. The grade will follow the effort and the reward for your effort is knowledge.
 

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My ds is a smart boy who is predicted A and A* for his exams next year . He does his work at school, sometimes not to the best of his ability, but he gets by and is more interested in some things than others. That is how real life is: I wouldn't want to be punished for having an off day and not getting something 100% right so why should I punish him for that?<br><br>
I think it is unrealistic to encourage children to believe that only their absolute best is good enough. Most real life work requires 'good enough' and that is all. If we all did 100% we would all be freaked out and anxious. I don't want my children to feel anxious about their learning and I don't consider grounding to be a natural consequence of any grade.<br><br>
IMO a 'poor' grade could be an opportunity for reflection or revision or just acceptance.
 

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I pay dd, age 14.<br><br>
She gets:<br>
$10 - every a<br>
$5 - every b<br><br>
She owes me:<br>
$5 - every c<br>
$10 - every d<br><br>
There would be no punishment for an "F" but there would be one long arse discussion about what went wrong <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
She pulls A's and B's now. High school may be a different story. She seems motivated to try and work as hard as she can... in that area- don't ask about cleaning her room!<br><br>
Ds is 9 and didn't get letter grades last year. This year we'll homeschooling. Not sure what the policy will be on grades but I'm leaning towards no grades and instead going with portfolio learning.<br><br>
In general for my family, I believe in emphasizing learning how to learn on your own and feeding your passions. Punishment and reward doesn't play very well into that schema.
 

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You could say that I punish for bad grades. My 7 year old dd who is going into 2nd grade(November birthday) is very, very smart and could make all A's with her eyes closed(thank goodness) but she rushes through her work and gets bad grades on her handwriting. If she was getting a B because of the work it would be different and we would work with it but it is because she wants to hurry and her handwriting is aweful. I usually take away her t.v. rights or her Nintendo DS and that usually helps right away. She did get in trouble one day at school for not doing what the teacher said and I made her write an apology to her teacher. I think that was harder to her then anything else I could have done since she hates to write anyway!
 

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I wouldn't give a reward beyond, say, hearty congratulations and a celebratory dinner for good grades, and I feel like punishing for them at the end of the quarter misses the point. On the other hand, I would ride my kid to make sure he was doing as well as he could and getting help if he needed it.<br><br>
I think that a separate system of punishment for each of five kids is (a) way too hard for me to keep track of, and (b) likely to give rise to bad kinds of sibling rivalry, as the kids conclude that you like certain of them better, or believe that some are smarter than others.
 

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My kids have only gone to schools that have descriptions on report cards, not traditional letter grades, but next year dd1 is going to public middle school and they will have letter grades. Up till now we've generally focused on being responsible for getting homework done and studying for tests, with not too much emphasis on "grades." I give my kids positive feedback for working hard and being responsible when they do well, but have never punished for "bad grades." I'm more likely to have a discussion with them of how they feel about how they did and what they think might be ways to do better next time. I'm really more interested in how much effort they put in and are they learning the material. Maybe that will change with A-F letter grades, but I really want my kids to be internally motivated to do well and not scared of my reactions to their grades.<br><br>
When I was in school (even during college!) my mother was obsessed with my grades and if I got an A- she would question me why I didn't get an A. My brother had a lot of trouble academically in school and my mom would call the teachers (a very small private school) and convince them to give him better grades when he really didn't know the material, instead of helping him with his study skills, etc. I really don't want to be that way with my kids.
 

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We don't pay for good grades, though we might have a special dinner if DD does especially good on a test or project. We don't punish for bad grades either. DH and I don't expect ourselves to be perfect, so how can we expect it of her. As long as we know she is truly trying her hardest then we're happy, and if she's getting a low grade despite that, we sit with her and try and help her figure out what is going on there.
 

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I don't plan to do puishment/rewards for grades. Maybe a dinner at the end of the quarter or something, but overall I think there are better ways to encourage kids to get good grades if that is your priority.<br>
My mom grounded my siblings and I if we got a C or lower. We were grounded until we brought our grades up (which is silly, because the grades reset after each report card, so we were grounded at least a couple weeks each time until she decided it was time to check our grades again, and we'd have to get a note with our grades from each teacher, and sometimes the teachers refused and we'd stay grounded the whole grading period. No TV, no phone, nothing.) We eventually gave up caring about grades because we were always grounded anyway.
 

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My kids aren't quite to letter grades, but I was severely restricted by my grades and no one did anything to help me improve them - this is what I got - 'just keep trying and the light bulb will go on' *sigh*<br><br>
First of all, I am very involved in their school work. I know when they are struggling before grade time comes around. For my daughter, she is very advanced and was getting upset about struggling with the advanced list - which was way beyond the regular list. She is a very musical child in general and we tried singing her spelling words instead of writing them repeatedly (which worked for me) and she started getting them all correct again.<br><br>
I have always made a point to get to know their teachers and to let them know if anything at home might effect their performance etc. so far as long as I participate, even when they are feeling reluctant to do their school work, we can work together to get it done. I don't do it for them, but I may ask questions to help them think through what they are working on.<br><br>
I'm hoping we can continue to have as much success, but I think even a disinterest in school is something to be addressed from a let's fix it perspective than a punishment. I worked so hard in school, I'm just not a book learner. I felt terrible about myself in school.
 

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I will NEVER punish for poor grades, EVER. My parents punished for poor grades. If I didn't receive the grade they thought I should have on a quarterly grade card, I was grounded until the next grade card. Grounded as in, no TV, no stereo, no phone, no friends, no nothing. My grades were never enough, if I didn't bring up whatever poor grade I received by a full letter grade by the next grade card, more grounding.<br><br>
I was grounded from the second semester of 8th grade until I graduated high school. They did not help me to raise my grade, only shouted that it needed to be done. I became so angry about this that I intentionally did poorly, lost all interest in school, and ended up barely graduating. I also did not go to college right after HS because I was finally ungrounded and was afraid of what kind of horrific torturous stipulations they would put on my college grades.<br><br>
This crap isn't going to happen in my house!
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>satwood</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11626555"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">You could say that I punish for bad grades. My 7 year old dd who is going into 2nd grade(November birthday) is very, very smart and could make all A's with her eyes closed(thank goodness) but she rushes through her work and gets bad grades on her handwriting. If she was getting a B because of the work it would be different and we would work with it but it is because she wants to hurry and her handwriting is aweful.</div>
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If there is such a value in having her do work that is too easy, I'm wondering why not just put her back in kindergarten. The work would be even easier and it would give her a chance to focus more on how to do work that is far too easy.
 

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We don't punish for anything, but then we also don't do grades (unschoolers).<br><br>
I think punishing or rewarding for grades isn't all that helpful. I'd rather focus on what the grades mean to my child and to their goals. If they want to do better than they are I would offer whatever help and tools I can to assist them. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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No rewards or punishments.<br><br>
I believe motivation should be intrinsic, or it is not very meaningful. I think the family stress that could come from being a "grades warden" is too significant. In the final analysis, I also believe grades are their business (not mine). This is not say I would not help my DC if they needed it, or support them in their own goals (I would!) but whether they want to play the grade game or not is ultimately up to them.<br><br>
I think a grade is merely a demonstration on how compliant a student is with the schools plan - it is not about knowledge, per se. I have seen this with myself, and my DS.<br><br>
I do occasionally worry that my complacency around grades will be misinterpetted by my DC as not caring about education. However, this is not true - I care very much about learning and education, but I do not care about grades for grades sake. I believe my kids know that.<br><br>
I also worry occasionally that my lack of forcing the issue of good grades will result in kids who do not get good grades when it counts for college admission - but I also beleive they are smart enough to know that school is a game, and if they want good grades they have to do "XYZ".<br><br><br>
However, I believe the harm that comes from punishement/reward is greater than the possible gain.<br><br>
Besides, as previous posters have commented, groundings and the like are not necessarily going to equate to higher grades <i>anyways.</i>
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>orangefoot</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11626114"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">My ds is a smart boy who is predicted A and A* for his exams next year . He does his work at school, sometimes not to the best of his ability, but he gets by and is more interested in some things than others. That is how real life is: I wouldn't want to be punished for having an off day and not getting something 100% right so why should I punish him for that?<br><br>
I think it is unrealistic to encourage children to believe that only their absolute best is good enough. Most real life work requires 'good enough' and that is all. If we all did 100% we would all be freaked out and anxious. I don't want my children to feel anxious about their learning and I don't consider grounding to be a natural consequence of any grade.<br><br>
IMO a 'poor' grade could be an opportunity for reflection or revision or just acceptance.</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">:<br><br>
mp<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">
 

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It depends on the overall assesment. If the narrative part of the report card indicates a strong effort, willingness to engage, and all assignments turned in complete and she still got a C, I'd be fine. If the lousy grade is due to poor classroom behavior, incomplete homework and a general blowing off of the class, she gets a consequence.<br>
We do provide some incentive. She dramatically improved her participation in school from Fall to Spring, hence her grades were all B's, A's and a couple "Distinguished" we bought her a fighting staff for Kung Fu.
 

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My SD is too young for grades, but I remember when I was a child, I was not rewarded for grades (except a report card with nothing lower than a 'b' ended up on the refrigerator).<br><br>
That wasn't to say a C was punished--when I pulled a C in AP Physics my parents were thrilled because I struggled (but stayed with it anyway). If I got a C in English, though...<br><br>
If, however, I got a grade that my parents knew was lower than my abilities (i.e. a C in English), my parents took that as a sign I was watching too much television and wasn't studying. So, the TV got turned off until I brought the grade up. I think that was fair--I did watch an obscene amount of TV.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Roar</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11631528"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">If there is such a value in having her do work that is too easy, I'm wondering why not just put her back in kindergarten. The work would be even easier and it would give her a chance to focus more on how to do work that is far too easy.</div>
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I'm not going to lie, I have no clue what you are trying to say.
 

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<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>satwood</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11633971"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I'm not going to lie, I have no clue what you are trying to say.</div>
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It seems to me the child is being punished for being smart. First, she's being punished by being bored with the work she's being given. Then, if that wasn't enough then she's being punished for not doing a perfect job at something far too easy for her. It seems to me the situation she's in where the work is far too easy isn't her fault. People are failing her and then she's being punished for a situation she has no control over.
 

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My kids are too young for grades so far, but I hope I never feel compelled to punish/reward for grades... I don't know how I'll handle motivation when we get there.<br>
I had an interesting conversation with my brother last week, actually. My parents definitely had different expectations between me and my brother - they rewarded him for As and Bs, fought with him constantly, forced him to study, punished him until he did study, but ignored my grades and study habits because they had come to expect me to do well - I even got half-joking comments when I brought home a 99, "What happened to the other point?". <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"> That takes a toll on a kid - both of us!<br>
The daunting thing for me in this conversation with my (now 29 yr old successful FBI agent!) brother last week is that he said, no matter how much my mom yelled and punished and rewarded him, it didn't matter to him! He didn't care about school, he didn't care about learning the stuff or the grades. The only time he tried was when Mom found something that he actually didn't want her to take away, and then he'd do just enough to get it back, and then only after a major fight with her. This is not to say Mom did a bad job with us - she just couldn't find anything else to motivate him. Believe me, she tried. He just plain didn't care, that's what he says now. I asked him what she could've done and he just shrugged - he couldn't think of anything. It's kind of scary to think that I might have a kid who's in that situation ten years from now - I don't know what I would do to help motivate them. I mean, I'm all for learning for the sake of learning, but there's way too much riding on the conventional grades and school system for me to just sit back and say "ok, don't bother about your grades or school if you don't care enough about it". I guess I would talk to them about what's going on, but who knows where that conversation would lead? possibly nowhere. sigh. I guess I'm just saying, it's weird how different two kids, even two kids brought up in the same environment, can be in motivation and learning and stuff, and that different approaches are going to have to be designed for different kids.
 
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