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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
This is what I get when I go to pick up DD from being babysat last night. Grandma my MIL then goes on to tell me how "it's not like I screamed it at her" but she said she did tell her repeatedly for just about everything DD touched that she firmly said no.<br><br>
DD is going to be six months next week and I know that she has no idea what grandma keeps saying to her but DH and I are more of the GD and redirection from things she shouldn't be touching not just a constant refrain of "no,no, no no."<br><br>
Sigh...I wasn't expecting to have to start dealing with issues like this with MIL. We knew it would happen sometime, whether with food or timeouts. DH is going to explain the deal to her as gently as possible and she will inevitably ignore him as she always has<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"><br>
Can't she just be a Grandma who listens and respects someone's parenting decisions? Do those exist?<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"><br><br>
Thanks for the letting me rant, it isn't a huge deal just the promise of a future of explaining and re-explaining and being badgered about our parenting!
 

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Wow- it is so strange to me that a 6 month old would require discipline in any form besides cuddling and building a beautiful relationship. Sounds like you do have a long road of boundary-setting ahead of you <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked"><br><br>
That's a problem for me too. I just don't see that particular relative anymore (for other reasons as well) so my problem has ended.<br><br>
But man, do you know what a twelve month old is like if he/she has been told "NO" all day long? One frustrated, furious toddler. NOT fun for anybody.<br><br>
Dang, people. Put away the non-kid safe stuff as much as possible. Don't leave steak knives on tables. Accept that the baby is going to string things out.<br><br>
I sometimes would love to put such adults in a room with plenty of things to do, and everytime they try to do any of it, it gets moved and they get told "NO." How pleasant of a mood would they be in after a few hours of that?<br><br>
Oh, and that whole "See, I know how to parent your child better than you do" insinuation is pesky. Oh, go buy a puppy, y'know?
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Mama2Jesse</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/14734054"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked"><br><br>
That's a problem for me too. I just don't see that particular relative anymore (for other reasons as well) so my problem has ended.<br><br>
But man, do you know what a twelve month old is like if he/she has been told "NO" all day long? One frustrated, furious toddler. NOT fun for anybody.<br><br>
Dang, people. Put away the non-kid safe stuff as much as possible. Don't leave steak knives on tables. Accept that the baby is going to string things out.<br><br>
I sometimes would love to put such adults in a room with plenty of things to do, and everytime they try to do any of it, it gets moved and they get told "NO." How pleasant of a mood would they be in after a few hours of that?<br><br>
Oh, and that whole "See, I know how to parent your child better than you do" insinuation is pesky. Oh, go buy a puppy, y'know?</div>
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I laughed so hard at this I had to show DH!! This is the general feeling we are both sharing at the momen.t According to MIL she didn't move anything in her house with both kids because they just needed to learn NO and how to behave<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"><br><br>
I wouldn't punish a puppy by getting her a dog or letting her own a dog!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue">
 

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LOL! At six months?!!!<br><br>
Actually, I can identify. When we first had our baby and we went to visit a friend and her mother (I think the mother was in her 80s), my baby began to cry, and I got up to go tend to him. To which the elderly mom said "You're just going to give IN?"<br><br>
LOL!!! Give in!!?? I will never forget that line. It personifies how so many from previous generations saw parenting as one big power struggle. So adversarial.
 

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You're right; she's wrong. But please don't waste emotional energy on it, or expect that she will change.<br><br>
Your DC will have to learn to get along with all types - especially those in a family. One option is to allow your child that experience, with protection when/if needed and as age appropriate.
 

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Wow, I can't imagine what there would be to tell a 6 month old "no" over. She shouldn't have been around anything dangerous.<br><br>
Sounds like you mil may be a super control freak.<br><br>
Grandmothers can do a lot of damage. I don't agree with the advice that kids have to get used to all kinds of people. It's the parents job to protect the child from "all kinds of people" until they are old enough to take care of themselves, which a 6 month old is very obviously not able to do.
 

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DD is only 8 months, and we've avoided most of this so far.<br><br>
It's quite simple. We don't let family babysit.<br><br>
If we need a baby sitter, we'll find a professional (who has good references and a good chemistry with us) to do the job rather than family. A good pro is a lot less likely to mess with your boundaries (because they'd get fired) than a family member.<br><br>
For now, I gently tell my mother, "Maybe later," or "Not yet," or "we're fine for now" when she asks if she can babysit. I love her to death (and my MIL too) and I do trust them to watch my DD if something happened to us, but right I'm way too darn "picky" about how DD is raised. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"><br><br>
I also have seen with friends (ones who are first-time parents) that when they let GPs babysit their young babies, it seems all sorts of boundaries are ignored. It takes time to establish those boundaries. When you are a new parent—everyone thinks they know better than you so that's when a little distance helps.<br><br>
Of course, we'll be letting our folks spend alone time with DD when she is older, but I'll probably wait until she is about 2-4. By that time she'll be able to talk, and I think we'll also have good boundaries in place with our family. Hopefully, they'll have a good understanding that *we* are DD's parents. For now, they get plenty of time with her—with us as part of the package. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>karemore</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/14734526"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Wow, I can't imagine what there would be to tell a 6 month old "no" over. She shouldn't have been around anything dangerous.<br><br>
Sounds like you mil may be a super control freak.<br><br>
Grandmothers can do a lot of damage. I don't agree with the advice that kids have to get used to all kinds of people. It's the parents job to protect the child from "all kinds of people" until they are old enough to take care of themselves, which a 6 month old is very obviously not able to do.</div>
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No kidding.<br><br>
Whether it's passive aggressive comments or straight up nastiness, children should be protected from it. I think it's part of teaching them acceptable behavior; if the same rules apply to everyone (at least until the child is older and more mature) it's not so confusing to hear "You may not call your sister an X!" You know?<br><br>
"All kinds of people" can just grow up and act like adults or they don't get to see my kid. Everybody makes mistakes, but you have to acknowledge them and really try to improve, not make excuses.<br><br><br>
But, I'm one with zero tolerance for craptastic behavior. Let alone craptastic behavior directed to CHILDREN, because, you know, they are smaller so less important and must respoect their elders. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked"> Annnndd that's my own situation rearing it's head, so nobody get all defensive, eh? You are not my grandmother/father/whatever. I'm not annoyed with you. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/Peace.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Peace">
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Mama2Jesse</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/14734054"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked"><br><br>
I sometimes would love to put such adults in a room with plenty of things to do, and everytime they try to do any of it, it gets moved and they get told "NO." How pleasant of a mood would they be in after a few hours of that?</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"><br><br>
"No, you cannot turn on the TV, no you cannot use the phone, no you cannot pick up that magazine, no don't go near the computer .... and don't even think about those cookies on the counter. Just sit there in the middle of the floor and be a good adult. Hey, why aren't you smiling?"<br><br>
OP, does she need to babysit? Because the toddler years will be mighty tough with her attitude and approach. Is it possible to only let you child see her when you or your husband are there?
 

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At first, I thought "well a six year old should be able to handle the word no".<br><br>
But, then I read that she is six months!!! LOL. Sheesh, at six months my mom thought every single thing my daughter did was completely adorable!
 

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Me, too. I expected you to say your child was 5 or 6 YEARS old, not months.<br><br>
I can only imagine the thought bubble over your DD's head: "Granny, WTH are you talking about???"
 

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when my DD was six months old she couldn't even sit up let alone get anywhere under her own power. You'd only have to say "no" to her if you specifically gave her something that she shouldn't have. What is up with your MIL? That is just messed up!
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Here I was thinking I was just being an over protective first time mommy! It is nice to be reassured that it isn't good or helpful to my DD. Grandma is amusingly the person we trust the most to baby sit due to other grandparents not respecting CIO boundaries. I know grandparents mean well but I feel like I read so many threads on here about them not respecting boundaries etc will someone please write a book informing them about parenting their children's children<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"><br><br>
It's funny someone mentioned hiring a professional. I was thinking about this a few hours ago and realized the idea of someone I don't know and trust watching my DD terrifies me more than Grandma saying no over and over again.<br><br>
I just have very little trust for strangers around my DD ( I know it's a little paranoid). But I mean even professional companies and people with good references still have bad things happen. Ugh, guess we won't be using a baby sitter for a while until we find someone we really trust. We're just the young hippy couple who like these new age parenting fads<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Ldavis24</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/14735101"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Here I was thinking I was just being an over protective first time mommy! It is nice to be reassured that it isn't good or helpful to my DD. Grandma is amusingly the person we trust the most to baby sit due to other grandparents not respecting CIO boundaries. I know grandparents mean well but I feel like I read so many threads on here about them not respecting boundaries etc will someone please write a book informing them about parenting their children's children<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"><br><br>
It's funny someone mentioned hiring a professional. I was thinking about this a few hours ago and realized the idea of someone I don't know and trust watching my DD terrifies me more than Grandma saying no over and over again.<br><br>
I just have very little trust for strangers around my DD ( I know it's a little paranoid). But I mean even professional companies and people with good references still have bad things happen. Ugh, guess we won't be using a baby sitter for a while until we find someone we really trust. We're just the young hippy couple who like these new age parenting fads<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"></div>
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Oh, word. I can't trust anyone with my son; the one time I did, it wasn't pretty and I almost knocked down a tiny little old church lady.<br><br>
I'm trying to relax, though; about to see DH for the first time in months and would like a tiny bit of alone time. But... well, you know.<br><br>
Again I say, there needs to be a thoroughly screened MDC babysitting co-op. And you all need to move to NE Texas, lol.
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up">The co-op sounds like an awesome idea!!!
 

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The thing I don't get about the whole "don't babyproof anything, just tell them no" theory is that it is SO MUCH WORK. Why bother, especially when dc isn't even old enough to get it?!<br><br>
The idea of telling an adult no when they touch anything is quite funny. I'll have to remember that as a rebuttal.
 

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i have only had my sisters watch my daughter for a few hours here and there, always in my own home so that they know that things are baby safe.<br>
i would never trust my MIL to watch my daughter, i left the room to go pee one day and came back to hear her saying "no, no, honey dont do that" and turned to see my DD pulling on an ELECTRICAL CORD PLUGGED INTO THE WALL!!! i ran and redirected her.<br>
needless to say i was not pleased and we had a big disscussion on how much an 8 month old can comprehend.<br>
some people just blow me away.<br><br>
so yeah, moral of the story, just because she is yelling no, doesnt mean your child wont get hurt.
 

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It sounds like she must have done something right since she raised the man you chose to marry. She's just a little old school. I wouldn't worry about it, and would even go so far as to suggest that you count your blessings that you have a MIL that is willing and able to babysit your child.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>riverscout</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/14735600"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">It sounds like she must have done something right since she raised the man you chose to marry. She's just a little old school. I wouldn't worry about it, and would even go so far as to suggest that you count your blessings that you have a MIL that is willing and able to babysit your child.</div>
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I couldn't agree more. Just because I don't always parent the way my grandma/mother did does not mean they didn't do an effective job of raising children. I think if she keeps your child fed,clean, and loves her.. well that's a pretty good babysitter.
 
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