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Discussion Starter #1
green eyed monsters ...so how do you handle this?<br>
I find out from the kids today that stbx couldn't come yesterday for his visitation as he bought a new car, complete with new car seats..<br>
(we have 2 sets here for goodness sake)<br>
that's great for him and for visitation ease but really..<br>
I keep hearing how he has zero money...and today heard that by stbx thinks my spousal support was only interim until the end of school *june... great...<br>
last week I was contemplating robbing the kids piggy bank...
 

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I have no advice but I wanted to respond as you are so not alone!!!!<br><br>
While not quite what you are talking about I think...I seem to be jealous over eveything lately...his extra money, his free time, his stuff! I'm working on this as I hate that this stuff bugs me LOL!
 

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Discussion Starter #3
I hear you on the frustration.<br>
I am not jealous of his time mind you as I can't imagine how lonely it would be not to see the kids for two weeks....although it would be nice not to change almost every poopy diaper.<br><br>
And I know the bigger green eyed monsters are to come like if he ever gets a new woman (lol I know it will be worse if I actually like her). Or maybe I have to have compassion as I have the house, the stuff, I have my family he just gets to visit the kids...<br><br>
but that picture of his lameness smoking in his new car that his parents probably bought him while I am slogging the kids around tomorrow in the double jogging stroller on the back of the bike...
 

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Oh I have to agree about the time thing as I couldn't imagine not having the children with me the way I do but it still doesn't stop me from being bothered KWIM LOL! My god I just realised that there is no pleasing me when it comes to that man LOL! boy oh boy does my therapist have her work cut out for her hahahahaha!
 

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Discussion Starter #5
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">Oh I have to agree about the time thing as I couldn't imagine not having the children with me the way I do but it still doesn't stop me from being bothered KWIM LOL!</td>
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mind you it doesnt' seem to bother my stbx... he's gone to Montreal for the weekend, he's going to UK next month...<br><br>
I think we are entitled to a bit of grrr. But although I may not have as much stuff or money than I had the potential if he stayed. I have the kids, I have my family minus him... I have most of our friends, I have a good chunk of his paycheque. I get to get rid of his stuff I hated..like those nasty black leather couches.... I get to paint my bedroom pink if I so chose. I get to eat salad for every meal not just with every meal <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"><br><br>
I get to pick ONLY date romance movies if I so choose.<br>
I get to wear what I want around who I want..<br>
I get to watch any tv show.....<br>
I get to talk on the phone without any one overhearing me.<br><br>
I get to make the parenting decisions about my kids,<br>
I get to decide where they go to school...<br>
I may not control how many happy meals they get in stbx' 6 hour visits but..<br>
I can feed them whatever I want after that.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hammer.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hammer"> GOSH YES!!! Thank you for reminding me of all the positives...sometimes the darn green eyed monster blinds me!!!!!!!!!!!!
 

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Discussion Starter #7
green eyed monster blinds me too...so do the headlights of dh new car.<br>
But really my stbxh is bad with money so that white car will soon be white elephant...<br><br>
But I try to prepare myself for the fact this is only the start....<br>
how do I loose the frustration and resentment so that I can be happy for the kids if stbxh one day buys fabulous house, with new wife, takes them to disney land.... my mom did a piss poor job of that with me and my sister...still does 'how poor she was because of the divorce' its total bs my dad gave her the house, paid off, she had brand new paid off car, plus child support and a great job.... but I want my kids to see not a bitter spiteful mom but a mom who is more concerned with her life and their lives than what the ex is doin..<br><br>
got to kill the green eyed monster..<br>
lol maybe I need my own car <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1">
 

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Well I've already BTDT with DS#1's dad and frankly I’m not looking forward to all those ugly and sometimes unreasonable feelings again but they are inevitable in my opinion. It's tough but what helped me and will likely help you too is the fact that you care about how your kids feel and care about what your kids see KWIM....so you'll hold it together in front of them and then come here or call a friend when the kids aren't right there to vent your frustrations.
 

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Discussion Starter #9
wow do we have the same life?<br>
my dd is thirteen, my second set of kids is 5 and 2..well you dont' have the two year old but he was a suprise <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"><br>
Luckily enough my first ex didnt' pick a woman smarter, funnier, skinnier than me but he did pick a really nice gentleman <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"><br><br>
I know what you mean about the rollercoaster again...<br>
BTDT got the tshirt, the shot glasses, the bumper sticker...<br>
I seem to collect baby daddies like ..... well I'd love to say mounted trophies but we'll see how good my lawyer is now <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1">
 

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I'm not moving out until next month & I still feel twinges of jealousy. My kids & I are moving in with my parents--all he has to do is get a smaller apartment. He's working on his SECOND master's degree...I don't even have a bachelor's yet. He's getting our only car & is talking about trading it in for a new one. I'll be using my mom's old gas-hog of an SUV. I'll be working a zillion hours just to save up money to afford a crappy car & a little apartment, while he's complaining that he'll only have $500 leftover after he pays all of his bills, etc.<br><br>
It's hard not to feel jealous & bitter. But then I realize that I'll have the kids all year, and they are worth so much more than any of the *stuff* that he can acquire.
 

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Discussion Starter #11
only 500 bucks eh?<br>
wow if I had 500 bucks left every month!<br><br>
I'd put in your divorce that you get to go back to school to even things out <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"><br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">It's hard not to feel jealous & bitter. But then I realize that I'll have the kids all year, and they are worth so much more than any of the *stuff* that he can acquire.</td>
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totally I watched some oprah show I tivo'd last week on single dudes over 35..and all these women 35+ who had never married, had no kids and were desperate to have kids... I can't put a price on my kids they are my world. And my 45 minute bike ride was great today...<br>
I hear dh is putting on weight but me I'll be slim trim and fit while he smokes in his car packing on the pounds <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"><br><br>
I got to start thinking their dad having a better life is better for my kids.<br>
I don't want really them visiting him in some crack neighbourhood, I want them to be able to go to fun places with him, for him to buy them stuff. But I think my life needs to be fuller so I don't notice what he has that I don't.<br><br>
So how do we switch gears from the 'loss' aspect of the single parenting to the celebrating our new lives (even if they have 'less' stuff in them)
 
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